Shrek the Musical Page #2

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Can't you see

that you're our only hope?

- No.

- You're our only hope

- Hope

- You're our only hope

H-O-P-E

Hope

You're our only hope

Esperanza

- You're our only...

- OK, fine, I get it!

Attention, all fairy-tale things!

Your welcome is officially worn out!

I'm gonna go see this

Farquaad guy right now,

and get you all off my land

and back where you came from!

Time to say goodbye

Time to say farewell

Time for you to fly

It's been really swell!

Gosh, I'm gonna cry

Time to say goodbye

I'll be right back.

- Time to say vamoose

- Don't get comfortable!

- Ogre on the loose

- And don't touch my...

Time to say goodbye

Don't die!

It's my swamp.

I'm going to your house and breaking...

Whoa!

Somebody stop that donkey!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

- Hey, how you doin'?

- I hear him over here!

Help a donkey out, would you?

Oh, no!

- It's hideous!

- Oh, that's not very nice.

It's just a donkey.

- Step aside, ogre, and let us at him.

- Why? What did he do?

I don't wanna die!

I don't wanna die!

He's a talking donkey.

A freak of nature.

As are you, you unsavory beast.

Hey, now, you're going the right way

for a smacked bottom, you are.

Mm... By the order

of Lord Farquaad,

I am authorized

to place you both under arrest!

Under arrest, eh?

I want to go home right now!

This is the part where you run away.

And don't come back!

Can I just say? That was incredible.

Man, they were trippin' over

themselves to get away from you.

- I like that.

- Oh, good, I'm glad.

Now, why don't you go celebrate

your narrow escape with your friends.

- But I don't have any friends.

- Now there's a shocker.

Say, you lost or something?

No, I'm just trying to figure out

the best route to Duloc.

Oh. Duloc?

I know Duloc.

You gotta let me show you the way,

because I am like a GPS with fur!

- I'll be fine on my own, thanks.

- But nobody's fine on their own!

Not when you look like we do!

Hey! Didn't you hear

what they said?

Man, this place is goin' Stepford!

We gotta join forces!

Otherwise they'll lock me up,

and I cannot go back in a cage!

I don't know if I

mentioned this or not,

but I did six years in solitary

for impersonating a piata.

Oh! That was really scary.

And if that don't work,

if you don't mind my saying,

your breath will

certainly get the job done.

Listen, little donkey,

take a look at me. What am I?

- Really green?

- No! I'm an ogre!

You know,

grab your torch and pitchforks!

- Doesn't that bother you?

- Nope.

- Really?

- Really, really.

- Oh.

- Damn, I like you. What's your name?

- Shrek.

- Shrek?

Well, you know

what I like about you, Shrek?

You got that whole, "I don't care

what anybody thinks of me" thing.

I like that.

I respect that, Shrek.

You all right.

Hey, hey, hey

You gotta let me go with you

You don't know what it's like

to be considered a freak

Well, maybe you do

But that's why we gotta stick together

No, no, no

Don't speak, don't speak, don't speak

Just hear me out

I might surprise you

I'll be a friend

when others despise you

Don't roll your eyes!

Stop with the mopin'!

You need a pal

My calendar's open

I I'll bring you soup

when you feel congested

I'll bail you out

when you get arrested

I got your back

when things get scary

I And I'll shave it

when it gets hairy

Don't let me go

Don't let me go

Don't let me go

Oh, oh, oh

You need me

You need me

I I'll treat you right

and never act shoddy

If you kill a man

I'll hide the body

What do you say?

You're not responding

I think we're bonding!

Don't let me go

Don't let me go

Don't let me go

Oh, oh, oh

You need me

You and me, we belong together

Like butter and grits

Like Kibbles 'n Bits

Like yin and yang

Sturm and Drang

Like Eng and Chang

Attached at the hip

But not an old lady hip

that might break

I'm gonna be on you

like a fat kid on cake

Num, num, num...

Like Cupid and Psyche

Like Pop Rocks and Mikey

We'll stick together

like that Velcro stuff

I'm the fuzzy side

You'll be the spiky

Ooh! Like little kids and pajamas

with those funny things at the bottom

You know, fee-ties

Like donuts

and what goes with donuts?

Donuts and diabetes

Don't let me go

Don't let me go

Hold me! Hug me! Take me! Please!

Na-na-na-na-na

Please don't let me go

I need you, I need you, I need you

I need you, I need you, I need you

I need you, I need you, I need you

Don't let me

Go! Go! Go!

Don't let me g-g-g-g-g-go!

OK, look, only because I'm lost,

you can come.

Uh-uh... On one condition!

You keep the jabbering to a minimum.

You got it! No jabbering!

Man, you will not regret this.

- Too late.

- Now, that's what I'm talking about!

Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends

off on a whirlwind big city adventure!

Farquaad is on his way

He's on his way

He is nearly here

He's down the hall, getting close

He is just outside

Behind the door

He is on...

... his...

... way

Here... he... is

Right... here

Thelonius, I'm ready.

Bring in the cookie!

Oh, gosh. Uh-oh.

What's happening now?

Oh! This is scary. Oh, no!

No! It's you!

"Run, run, run as fast as you can,

you can't catch me,

I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

Look what you've done to my legs!

You are a monster!

I'm not the monster here, you are.

You and the rest of that fairy-tale

trash poisoning my perfect world.

I know I haven't gotten them all,

so tell me, where are the others?

Eat me!

No, no, no, no.

I've tried to be fair to you creatures,

now my patience has reached its end.

- Tell me or I'll...

- No!

Not the buttons!

Not my gumdrop buttons!

All right then, who is hiding them?

OK, I'll tell you.

Do you know the Muffin Man?

- The Muffin Man?

- The Muffin Man.

Yes, I know the Muffin Man

who lives on Drury Lane?

Well, she's married to

the Muffin Man.

- The Muffin Man?

- The Muffin Man!

She's married to

the Muffin Man.

My Lord, we have

scoured the land tirelessly

and have finally found the

one treasure you most seek!

A pretty pony?

No, it's the Magic Mirror, sire.

Then what are you waiting for? Bring it

in! And take that cookie to the swamp!

The swamp is no place

for a baked good!

You're horrible! Horrible!

Boo!

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is this not

the most perfect kingdom of them all?

Ah, yes, Duloc is a wondrous land,

but there's one thing you forgot.

You are not a king, My Liege,

and so a kingdom this is not.

Uh, Thelonius.

You were saying?

What I mean is, you're not a king yet,

but you can become one.

All you have to do is

marry a princess.

- Go on.

- So just sit back and relax, My Lord,

because it's time for you to play

Duloc's fastest growing

date show sensation,

This is Your Wife!

Yay!

Now let's meet today's

eligible bachelorettes!

Bachelorette number one

is a mentally abused shut-in

from a kingdom far, far away.

She likes sushi

and hot-tubbing anytime!

Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning

for her two evil step-sisters!

- Please welcome Cinderella!

- I love the broom. Yeah.

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