'8 Out of 10 Cats' Does 'Deal or No Deal'

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This programme contains strong

language.

Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats

Does Deal Or No Deal,

8 Out Of 10 Cats guests,

close personal friends

of Sean Lock...

..close personal friends

of Jon Richardson...

..and two very special

Deal Or No Deal contestants.

Now welcome your host, Jimmy Carr!

CHEERING:

Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of

10 Cats Does Deal Or No Deal,

a show all about numbers,

strategy and boxes.

Did you know, for example,

Deal Or No Deal is a great game.

The only other people who get

to randomly open things

hoping to find money inside

are postmen at Christmas.

Over 46,000 boxes have been

opened on Deal Or No Deal,

a record only beaten

by Russell Brand.

And the oldest ever Deal Or No Deal

contestant was 97 years old.

The final box he opened

was made of wood, lined in velvet

and had brass handles.

Right, let's get started.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So we've got the west wing,

we've got the east wing,

we've got the pilgrims behind me.

Now all we need is some contestants.

Taking the walk of wealth

this evening,

it's Sean Lock and Jon Richardson.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Sit.

(BOTH SIGH)

You are in the dream factory.

Yeah.

This is where dreams happen.

My cab accidentally took me

to the wet dream factory first.

The thing with Deal No Deal is,

it's how you play.

It's how you negotiate.

It's like poker.

Have you got a strategy for how

you're going to play today?

Yeah. Here we go.

There we go.

That's it.

That's your strategy? And you've...

Let's just show that to the

camera there. You've written...

LAUGHTER:

I haven't discussed this with Jon.

What's your strategy, Jon?

I'm a naturally, sort of, optimistic

person, Jimmy, so I just believe...

LAUGHTER:

..if I project goodwill...

I don't know why

people are laughing.

I think some of them may know you.

Obviously,

we're playing for real money today.

Quarter of a million pounds,

potentially,

for your charities of choice.

Do you trust each other?

Cos you've got to make these

decisions today, with each other.

For example, have you ever been

on a Brokeback Mountain-style

trip across America together?

We did, didn't we?

Oh, yeah.

Sh*t. Not again.

It wasn't actually

called Brokeback Mountain

and I find that joke

quite offensive.

It was called Bumfuck Hill.

Are you going to be looking

for advice from the wings?

You've got people that

know you on the wings.

Who would you look to

for guidance here?

None of them.

I've got Steve,

I've got Andy, over there.

Dave and Jon.

These guys know about opening stuff.

I've got a secret weapon.

What's your secret weapon?

Well, my secret weapon

is my friend Mark,

who does the warm-up for this show.

Have you seen all 2,000?

Um, we've done 2,300

and I've done about 2,000.

I reckon at any point

you can tell me

what the correct thing to do is

so that we definitely win.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah. Game over. Just open it now.

Quarter of a mil.

Jon, who else have you got here?

I have brought my friend Mia

and my friends John and Matthew.

Are you scared of the banker?

The banker's just a guy. If you

call him the banker it makes him...

He's just a guy.

He is called, like, Keith, or...

I'm going to call him

Brian all the time.

I'm not going to call him...

All right, Brian.

Ask me if I'm scared of Brian.

Are you scared of Brian?

No.

The thing is, Jimmy,

I've not won anything yet

so I'm not scared of him.

I may become scared of him

when money becomes... At the moment,

I don't care about the banker.

You know we're not keeping

the money, don't you?

Well,

you don't know about my charity.

LAUGHTER:

Do you have any feeling

about what's in your box?

Do you know, the box I wanted,

if I could have picked a box

by hand, I would have picked 11.

You are not generally

a superstitious guy.

No.

But you think Rob Beckett

has got quarter of a million pounds

in his box.

Won a lot of raffles at school.

So that might be a bit of an

indication about my luckiness.

Yeah. Yeah, might be, yeah.

Are you not going to do the Noel

thing, "Oh, 22 boxes, one question."

Yeah, 22... OK, then, fine.

Fine, no problem at all.

22 boxes, quarter of a

million pounds, one question -

where the f*** is Noel Edmonds?

LAUGHTER:

APPLAUSE:

So are you guys ready to play?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

OK, west wing, are you ready?

East wing, are you ready?

Pilgrims, are you ready?

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, join us after the break

when Sean and Jon will be playing

Deal Or No Deal.

APPLAUSE:

Welcome back to 8 Out Of 10 Cats

Does Deal Or No Deal.

Sean and Jon are ready to play,

they've got box number 12.

Just a quick bit of housekeeping.

I need you to confirm

that you picked box number 12.

- Yes. - Yes.

Before the show began, it was sealed

by the independent adjudicator who

seals all 22 boxes and is the only

person who knows where the money is.

Good luck.

APPLAUSE:

Who's picking the first five boxes?

I am.

For those of you that haven't seen

the show, you're looking for blues,

You're looking to get

five blues in a row.

This. Andy came up with this earlier.

He said to me, "This will work."

He knows all about the horses.

He runs a book every year

at the Edinburgh Festival on the...

Don't say that,

because that's illegal!

LAUGHTER:

Seven. I'd like to go with Matt Ford.

Even though he lives with Jon,

I'm following this plan.

Now, Matt.

Yes, mate.

You're friends with Jon, right?

I am, yes!

How long have you known each other?

About eight years.

Eight years!

He's good to live with. I mean, it's

a bit like living with a rescue cat.

He finds it hard to trust and if you

touch him, he'll take your face off.

LAUGHTER:

APPLAUSE:

I don't know...

The integrity of Sean's

system rests on this.

If this is not blue,

this system is gone.

Not only does this have to be

the penny, but you have to kiss him

when it's the penny,

which I am very excited about.

Are you aware of the penny kiss

on Deal Or No Deal?

When you get the penny

you have to kiss the person.

How long for?

Two or three seconds.

Can I cradle them?

You can cradle them.

OK, Matt. OK, get us started,

let's open box number 7.

Good luck to everyone

playing at home.

LAUGHTER:

GROANING:

3,000.

I would just say

your system is bullshit.

LAUGHTER:

I can't even see 2.

Oh, it's another of your friends.

Let's go with Mia.

So Mia, do you have a feeling about

your box, a feeling what's in there?

I don't...

LAUGHTER:

We're going to be using

the term "box" a lot here.

Can we just please get over it?

The box.

The box.

A feeling about "the" box,

not "your" box.

OK, Mia, let's try

and find a blue for Jon.

Good luck.

APPLAUSE:

500 gone, 3,000 gone.

13 next?

This is your baby.

Katherine.

This is Katherine Ryan, comedian.

Friend of 8 Out Of 10 Cats.

I think you've made

the right choice.

Right.

Let's open box 13.

We're hoping for blue here.

APPLAUSE:

It's red but it's

the lowest of the reds.

Getting rid of them reds.

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