'8 Out of 10 Cats' Does 'Deal or No Deal' Page #3

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We walked off into the sunset

after one Mash Up

and now I'm going out

with the banker's assistant.

Lucky cow.

LAUGHTER:

Landed on her feet.

Imagine having you on tap!

24/7!

Are you hoping to get promoted

within this world of banking?

Yeah, yeah, I'd love that.

Yeah, I'm good at numbers.

Give us a number, give us a number.

Heard of that.

LAUGHTER:

PHONE RINGS:

I'll get this.

LAUGHTER:

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mum.

If you don't mind,

I gave my mum my work number.

LAUGHTER:

No, no, I've got a job.

Deal Or No Deal.

Eh, it's all right.

No, no, Noel's not here. No.

Jimmy Carr's hosting it.

Yeah, that is a shame.

LAUGHTER:

Eh?

What do I want for tea?

Erm, chicken Kiev.

Er, peas and chips.

All right, beans, it's fine.

LAUGHTER:

Dunno, about half-ten?

Oh, don't start!

Why you being like this?

Yeah, all right. Yeah, I love you.

(Yeah, I love you too.)

LAUGHTER:

Sends her love.

I presume that's the letter.

I thought it was a birthday card.

He's going to have dropped it

and it's going to be about 2,500,

knowing that dick.

LAUGHTER:

The last offer was 6,500.

Second offer is 7,800.

(GASPS) Is that better?

APPLAUSE:

That is better, yeah.

You thought he'd go down,

he's gone up.

Can I nip off? I want to have a fag.

Yeah, Joe Wilkinson, everyone.

Give it up for Joe.

CHEERING:

7,800.

Are you tempted to...?

No.

Yes.

You choose.

Well, you see, you get distracted

by the top two, don't you?

You think, while they're there...

but if they go, we're knackered.

Rachel Riley, what do you think?

You're good with numbers.

I think they're laying the

groundwork for an all-blue round.

Loads of blues left.

How lucky are they feeling?

The 1p kiss is still out there.

Yeah, but it could be you,

could be John Fothergill.

LAUGHTER:

I don't think we can deal when

we've got four of the big five.

I think we should show strength.

Yes.

7,800.

Deal or no deal?

No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o...

oh-h-h-h-h-h...

oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Oh!

LAUGHTER:

Deal.

CHEERING:

We've got three boxes to open. Sean?

I was tempted to go with John.

All right then.

You think John Fothergill?

You've known Sean for how long?

I was his first wife.

LAUGHTER:

It was on the rigs, Jimmy, it was

on the rigs. They were dark days!

I think there's a tenner in here.

CHEERING:

It's the 1p kiss, everyone.

(COUGHS)

The 1p is gone.

I don't care whether we win any

money, this show's changed my life!

I want more of that.

OK, you've got two more

boxes to open.

That man, number 4.

He's let me down...

LAUGHTER:

..so many times.

Again and again and again.

He's never come through.

Well, I feel quite good about that.

OK, so you've had the perfect

start to this round.

1p has gone,

let's see if you can keep it up.

OK, Dave, open that box 4.

LAUGHTER:

Pow!

GROANING:

Let you down again!

Oh...!

LAUGHTER:

How are you feeling?

Fu... Sh...

Not...

Well, I'm not surprised. Dave does

this again and again and again.

So, that 100,000 is looking

pretty lonely there now.

(MIA) I think you've got to be

a bit more positive.

It's like, you've still got

the 100 grand.

Still got three big ones.

Loads of blues left, get a bit

of positivity, then get a blue next.

CHEERING:

Yeah, Jon!

Jon, is there a way you could turn

this into the most important bit

of tidying up you've ever done?

Interesting.

So you have to tidy up the blues

and leave it with 100 grand just

sat on the living room table.

(KATHERINE) I agree. Down with

the system, up with the syndrome!

LAUGHTER:

Have a walk around, Jon.

See what you think.

Well, I was going to go and check

the boxes for dust.

Look at that.

Look.

What am I looking at there?

That was on the box.

Wow. Well, you've obviously got

to choose that then, haven't you?

That's clearly an indication.

Absolutely.

I'm the only person who has come

dressed as a box, which is unfair.

OK, Holly,

are you going to open box 21?

She's barely got the strength.

CHEERING:

The big, big number went,

but so did the penny.

PHONE RINGS:

Banker, tell us what's going on.

Catwoman(?)

It was an extraordinary...

LAUGHTER:

The banker said that his assistant

did very well last time.

Joe Wilkinson is coming back,

everyone.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

(JOE) Thank you.

So, last time you came,

you gave us an offer of 7,800.

Yep.

I mean, have you got the authority

to make an offer here?

Have I?

Er...

What would you offer now,

looking at that board?

Sh*t!

LAUGHTER:

We've still got three big reds.

I've got about 1.50 on me,

but I really fancy getting

a KitKat, so about...

I can only go up to 80p,

if I'm honest.

LAUGHTER:

Cos I want to get a KitKat.

I want to get a four-finger.

LAUGHTER:

All right,

I'll get a two-finger one, 1.20.

F***ing hell!

Come on, serious offer...

1 million!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

1 million!

PHONE RINGS:

Deal or no deal?!

It's the banker.

He wants to see you in his office.

Oh, piss!

LAUGHTER:

APPLAUSE:

OK, you're working on your own

from here on in, fair enough.

He's going to be

incredibly generous.

Just because he thinks that

Jon Richardson is a force

to be reckoned with.

The offer is still 7,800.

Oh!

APPLAUSE:

So you lost

the quarter of a million,

but he thinks the 1p balanced it.

7,800.

Do you know what's pathetic? Even

though I know that was all a joke,

that compliment

really cheered me up!

Really.

You see, I am naturally pessimistic,

and I would probably deal now.

An optimist would tell you that,

you know, while you've still got

a big number, you've got more

chance of hitting blues,

but a realist would say you're

taking a pounding, take the money.

Yeah, that really sounds like a force

to be reckoned with, doesn't it(?)

LAUGHTER:

Someone I wouldn't want

to mess with(!)

Shall we do a sweep?

Shall we say what people think?

I'd love to do a sweep.

This place is dusty.

Gemma, what do you think?

What would you do in this situation?

Would you deal or no deal?

I'd deal.

You'd deal for 7,800?

Does that mean you can get

the money off the banker?

I don't think Gemma

has ever watched the show.

She thinks this is Take Me Out.

LAUGHTER:

OK, Mark, what would you go for?

No deal.

Nicola, what would you go for?

No deal.

Stephen?

No deal.

- Nick?- No deal.

- Mia?- No deal.

Nick, are you all right?

We've got 11 boxes left!

LAUGHTER:

We're halfway through

the f***ing game!

Apologies. Rob?

No deal.

No deal. Andy?

No deal.

No deal.

No deal.

- Elis? - Deal.

Corinne, you're saying no deal.

No deal. Thing is, if you want

to win big, you've got to risk it.

Let's just take a look at

the no deal that Corinne made

last time she was on this show.

She was offered 88,000

and she didn't deal.

What I'm now going to do is either

make your dream come true...

..or not.

Yes.

I hope this is the dream.

GROANING:

The penny?

APPLAUSE:

You turned down 88,000

and you won a penny,

that I believe

you've got round your neck.

Yes. The reason I turned it down

was I wanted the money

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