'Twas the Night Page #2

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[CHANTING]

OOH!

MURRAY, HURRY UP.

THERE'S ABOU A THOUSAND BRATS

WAITING FOR US OUT THERE.

HEY, YOU, ELF.

YOU SEE SOMEONE:

GO IN THERE?

OH, GREAT.

WHAT NOW, NICK?

MURRAY.

[WHISTLING]

JUST IN:

THE NICK OF TIME.

HEY!

WHAT THE--

COME HERE!

Children, chanting:

WE WANT SANTA CLAUS!

WE WANT SANTA CLAUS!

OHH!

YOU!

[DOOR CLOSES]

YOUR ELF'S

WAITING FOR YOU.

[DEEP VOICE]

OH! YES, YES.

HO HO!

WELL, UH,

THANK YOU, ELIOT.

HEY, HOW DO YOU

KNOW MY NAME?

WELL, I'M SANTA,

AM I NOT?

HO HO HO!

HA HA HA!

HAVE YOU BEEN:

A GOOD BOY?

OF COURSE:

I'VE BEEN A GOOD BOY.

HAVE YOU REALLY?

YES.

OK.

Store elf:
HERE HE IS,

THE GUY YOU'VE BEEN

WAITING FOR--

SANTA!

SANTA?

EVERYBODY...

JUST BE GOOD:

FOR GOODNESS SAKES!

HELLO?

WHERE YOU GOIN'?

GOTTA FIND A PLACE

TO HIDE OUT.

BUT WHERE?

MURRAY!

WHERE YOU GOIN'?

DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE

WITH THESE KIDS.

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

[CHUCKLING]

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

HO HO! ALL RIGHT!

John:
OK.

EVERYBODY READY?

YUP.

"'TWAS THE NIGH BEFORE CHRISTMAS,

"WHEN ALL THROUGH

THE HOUSE,

"NOT A CREATURE

WAS STIRRING,

"NOT EVEN A MOUSE.

"THE STOCKINGS WERE HUNG

BY THE CHIMNEY WITH CARE

"IN THE HOPES

THAT SAINT NICHOLAS

SOON WOULD BE THERE."

[DOORBELL RINGS]

OH, WHO ON EARTH

COULD THAT BE?

NOBODY MOVE.

MAYBE IT'S SAINT NICHOLAS.

I DON'T THINK SO, PETER.

SAINT NICK DOESN'T USUALLY

COME TO THE FRONT DOOR.

HO HO HO!

SANTA?

ARE YOU SURE YOU GO THE RIGHT HOUSE?

WELL, 300 WALNUT.

OH.

SOMETHING'S HERE. OOP.

NICK?

HA HA HA!

SAINT NICK TODAY.

WHOO!

NICK. WHAT ON EARTH

ARE YOU DOING HERE?

HELLO, GORGEOUS.

HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO

STAY SO YOUNG AND PRETTY

MARRIED TO THIS:

STICK-IN-THE-MUD, HUH?

Peter:
UNCLE NICK!

OH, IT'S PETER COTTONTAIL!

HEY, I DON' HAVE A COTTON TAIL.

OH, NO?

THEN WHAT IS THIS, HUH?

OH...

ABBY? WHERE'S KAITLIN?

AND WHO IS:

THIS RUNWAY MODEL

WE HAVE HERE?

STOP!

WELL, LOOK AT YOU.

YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP.

WELL, THERE HE IS--

DAN THE MAN.

[BOTH IMITATING KUNG FU

MOVIE SOUND EFFECTS]

WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO!

HOW YOU DOIN'?

GREAT.

DID YOU GE MY E-MAIL?

YES, I DID.

OH, LOOK AT THEM

TOGETHER.

YEAH?

AND MAY I SAY:

THAT I LOVE TIBET.

THE HIMALAYAS:

ARE JUST OUTSTANDING,

AND I'M SO DOWN

WITH OAXACA.

VERY COOL PYRAMIDS.

BUT I SEE:

YOUR FIRST SUMMER

AFTER HIGH SCHOOL

GRADUATION:

IN THE PRINCIPALITY

OF MONACO.

MONACO.

OUI, OUI.

MONACO? OH, FOR--

SOAKING UP THE RAYS

ON THE BEACH BY DAY

AND STICKING I TO THE CASINOS

BY NIGHT.

I CALL I "THE KILLER Bs"--

BEACHES, BABES,

AND BIG BUCKS.

OOH, I COULD

GO WITH THAT.

I COULD GO WITH THAT.

OK, HERE WE GO.

1, 2, 3, GO.

OH, MAN! YOU'RE

GETTING FASTER.

WHAT'S THAT,

BEEN PRACTICING NOW?

NO, NO.

INCOMING!

WHOO! WHOO!

WHOA!

OH, COME ON,

LITTLE BROTHER,

DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE

NOT HAPPY TO SEE ME.

OH, OF COURSE

HE'S HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

IT'S JUST WE WEREN' EXPECTING YOU, NICK.

THE SPANISH WEREN' EXPECTING THE INQUISITION,

BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP

TORQUEMADA.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT FAIR

THAT YOU GOT ALL THE BRAINS

AND I GOT STUCK:

WITH JUST GOOD LOOKS.

WHAT ARE YOU:

DOING HERE, NICK?

WHAT, HONESTLY?

IF THAT'S POSSIBLE.

WELL, THERE'S NO PLACE

LIKE HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS,

IS THERE?

AND THERE'S NO PLACE

I'D RATHER SPEND

SOME QUALITY TIME

THAN RIGHT HERE....

WITH MY FAVORITE NIECE

AND NEPHEWS.

WHY IS IT I HAVE TROUBLE

BELIEVING THAT STORY?

[PAGER BEEPS]

Nick:
WHO'S UP

FOR SOME HOUSE HOCKEY?

ME!

OK, NOW WHERE DID WE

SET IT UP LAST TIME?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT,

RIGHT AROUND HERE.

CAN I BE GOALIE?

OH! THERE'S BEEN

A MAJOR OUTBREAK

OF THAT NEW:

REINDEER FLU.

THE EMERGENCY ROOM'S

OVERRUN.

OH. NO, JOHN.

NOT TONIGH OF ALL NIGHTS?

WELL, THAT'S

WHAT I GE FOR MARRYING

A DOCTOR.

THAT'S WHAT YOU GE FOR BEING A DOCTOR,

BECAUSE THEY'RE

CALLING EVERYBODY.

WHAT?

[BEEPING]

THAT'LL BE YOU.

OH, NO.

WHY BOTH OF US?

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.

[NICK AND KIDS

SHOUTING]

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED

TO DO WITH THE KIDS?

WE CAN'T LEAVE THEM

ON THEIR OWN.

WHERE'S YOUR GOALIE?

OH, NO.

NO.

NO.

Abby:
IT'LL BE FINE.

NICK IS:

NOT A BAD GUY.

I THINK HE'S TRYING

TO MEND FENCES.

GIVE HIM A CHANCE.

IT IS CHRISTMAS.

"THE STOCKINGS WERE HUNG

BY THE CHIMNEY WITH CARE

"IN HOPES

THAT SAINT NICHOLAS

SOON WOULD BE THERE."

DON'T HOLD

YOUR BREATH.

HEY, CHILL OUT, KATY,

'CAUSE SOME OF US

LIKE BELIEVING:

IN IMPOSSIBLE THINGS.

HE BELIEVES IN YOU.

ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?

I WAS ABOUT 5 WHEN I

FIGURED IT ALL OUT.

THE WHOLE PRESENT-

DELIVERY SETUP THING

SEEMED KIND OF FISHY,

SO I DID THE MATH.

FOR SANTA TO GET TO

ALL THE WORLD'S CHILDREN

ON CHRISTMAS EVE,

HE WOULD HAVE TO TRAVEL

AT ABOUT 650 MILES

PER SECOND.

I MEAN...

THAT'S 300,000 TIMES

THE SPEED OF SOUND.

WOW.

THAT'S PRETTY FAS FOR A HEAVYSET DUDE.

Kaitlin:
OH, BU THAT WOULD ALSO EXPLAIN

WHY NOBODY:

EVER SEES HIM.

BECAUSE:

HE'D BE GOING SO FAST,

WE'D LOOK LIKE

LIVING STATUES TO HIM.

[SIGHS]

BUT YOU KNOW:

THAT'S PHYSICALLY

IMPOSSIBLE, SO...

SO THERE IS:

NO SANTA CLAUS?

NO. YOU KNOW, PETE,

THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS.

JUST IGNORE:

EVERYTHING SHE SAYS.

SHE'S JUS TRYING TO SHOW OFF.

CAN YOU BELIEVE:

TEACHERS GIVE OUT As

FOR JUNK LIKE THAT?

ALL RIGHT, GUYS,

WE'RE OFF.

GOOD NIGHT, YOU.

MM, SORRY.

GOOD NIGHT.

SORRY ABOUT THIS, HONEY.

GOOD NIGHT.

YEAH. THANK YOU

VERY MUCH, NICK.

NO PROBLEM.

I'LL GO GET THE CAR.

THANKS.

OK. AHEM.

"THE CHILDREN WERE NESTLED

ALL SNUG IN THEIR BEDS--"

John:
THAT'S NOT SUCH

A BAD IDEA, YOU KNOW?

MAYBE YOU GUYS OUGHT TO

HIT THE SACK EARLY TONIGHT.

OHH.

WHAT?

OH, DAD!

HEY, THE SOONER

YOU GET TO BED,

THE SOONER SANTA COMES.

WE'RE NOT DONE

WITH THE BOOK YET.

THANK YOU, UNCLE NICK.

COME ON, GUYS.

HUGS, KISSES.

LET'S GO, OFF TO BED.

SEE YA, BUDDY.

COME ON, YOU GUYS.

GIVE ME A BIG ONE.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

OH, IT'S NOT FAIR.

OHHH.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA HANG ON

TO THIS FOR YOU.

BUT, DAD--

YOU CAN HAVE I BACK TOMORROW.

BYE, DAD.

GOOD NIGHT, SWEETHEART.

HAVE A GOOD SLEEP.

OH!

HAVE FUN:

AT THE HOSPITAL.

OH, THANK YOU

VERY MUCH.

COME ON, DANNY.

YOU, TOO.

WHAT?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

DAD, IT'S NOT EVEN 9:00.

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

DAD, COME ON.

I WANNA STAY UP:

WITH UNCLE NICK:

AND THEN HANG OUT.

WE GOT STUFF:

TO TALK ABOUT.

WE CAN HANG WITH UNCLE NICK

WHEN WE'RE ALL TOGETHER.

I WOULD LIKE YOU

UP IN YOUR ROOM.

YOU CAN CATCH UP ON SOME

OF YOUR READING, PLEASE.

LOOK, I'LL GO TO BED

WHEN YOU WANT ME--

GET TO YOUR ROOM

RIGHT NOW!

NOW, YOU SHOULD

BE TOTALLY GROUNDED

FOR ALL THE STUFF

YOU PULLED TODAY.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

IT'S...

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[SIGHS]

Nick:
RULE WITH

A STEADY HAND, JOHN.

DAD WOULD BE PROUD.

I HATE DOING THAT.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Nick:
DON'T WORRY.

I'VE GOT I ALL UNDER CONTROL.

YOU GO DO YOUR THING.

I'M PROUD OF YOU,

LITTLE BRO.

[TAPPING

ON COMPUTER KEYBOARD]

[KNUCKLES CRACK]

[BEEP]

"INSUFFICIENT FUNDS

ON DEPOSIT."

DUH!

IF I HAD THE MONEY,

I WOULDN'T NEED THE LOAN.

OH!

[INCOMING E-MAIL

BEEPING]

ALL RIGHTY.

COULD BE:

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