'Twas the Night Page #4

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OOH. NICE TUNE.

LET'S BOOGIE.

HEH HEH!

WHAT--

WHAT'S WRONG?

NOTHING.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

THAT'S YOU!

[LAUGHS]

LOOK AT THAT.

I LOOKED UP MYSELF

ON THE DATABASE.

COOL.

YEAH. "DANIEL WRIGLEY.

SHAKES DOWN HIS BROTHER.

SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME

SCAMMING."

EGH!

SANTA THINKS I'M BAD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

THOUGH THA WOULD EXPLAIN

THE GREATEST DISCO HITS

OF THE SEVENTIES CD

I GOT LAST YEAR.

WAIT A MINUTE.

I LIKE THAT CD.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM

WITH PEOPLE LIKE SANTA IS?

TRUST ME, I KNOW A MILLION

OF THESE KINDA GUYS--

ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY,

THE BIG BOSS.

BUT WHO IS KRIS KRINGLE

ANYHOW, HUH?

I MEAN, HOW DID HE

GET THIS JOB?

I DON'T REMEMBER

VOTING FOR HIM.

DO YOU?

WHO IS HE TO JUDGE?

NOW, I SAY

THAT IT'S OUR TURN

TO CALL THE SHOTS.

WE'LL DECIDE

WHO GETS WHA FOR CHRISTMAS.

ARE YOU WITH ME?

HMM?

YEAH.

YOU BET YOUR LIFE, YEAH.

[BOTH SNAP FINGERS]

Kaitlin:

WHO DO YOU THINK HE IS?

Peter:
I DON'T KNOW.

AH!

AH!

ALL RIGHT, BIG GUY!

WHO ARE YOU:

AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

WITH MY BROTHER:

AND UNCLE NICK?

MM!

[MUFFLED]

AAGH!

HIS BEARD'S REAL,

ANYWAY.

OF COURSE IT'S REAL.

I'M SANTA CLAUS.

I THINK HE IS.

OH, PLEASE!

FIRST OF ALL, THERE'S

NO SUCH THING AS SANTA.

AND SECOND OF ALL,

EVEN IF THERE WAS,

HE WOULDN' BE CAUGHT DEAD

IN ANY HOUSE:

WITH DANNY WRIGLEY IN IT.

IS THAT SO, KAITLIN?

WELL, YOU'RE NO SO ANGELIC YOURSELF.

OR PERHAPS YOU:

DIDN'T THINK I SAW YOU

COPY THAT ANSWER OFF

RICKY GARIBALDI'S

SPELLING TES IN THE THIRD GRADE.

AHH.

AND YOU CAN FORGE ABOUT THAT BRONTOSAURUS

I ASKED FOR:

IN SECOND GRADE.

MY PARENTS WERE RIGHT.

THE BACKYARD:

IS TOO SMALL.

THANK YOU, PETER.

OHH!

OHH. OHH.

I HAVEN'T FEL THIS BAD

SINCE THE TAINTED

EGG NOG OUTBREAK

BACK IN '06.

YUP, IT'S GONE.

NOTHING ON THE ROOF

BUT THE CHIMNEY.

Santa:
OH, DEAR.

WHERE IN HEAVEN'S NAME

COULD MY SLEIGH HAVE GONE?

IT'S NOT ALL THAT HARD

TO FIGURE OUT, SANTA.

I MEAN, VALUABLE SLEIGH,

MISSING BIG BROTHER--

DANNY PROBABLY COPPED IT.

WHAT?

LIFTED IT.

STOLE IT.

Peter:
HE WOULDN' STEAL SANTA'S SLEIGH.

THEN WHERE'D IT GO, PETER?

IT DIDN'T JUST DISAPPEAR.

YES, IT DID.

YOU DON'T KNOW

ANYTHING.

NOW, CHILDREN,

I'M SURE THERE'S

A LOGICAL EXPLANATION.

PERHAPS DANNY, THINKING

I WAS INCAPACITATED,

IS SIMPLY TRYING

TO DELIVER ALL THE TOYS--

SAVE CHRISTMAS.

DANNY AS:

SANTA'S HELPER?

THAT'LL BE THE DAY.

BETWEEN HIM AND UNCLE NICK,

THE ONLY THING THEY'VE EVER--

NICK?!

NICK WRIGLEY:

HAS MY SLEIGH?

OH, MY.

OH, MY, MY,

MY, MY. MY!

THAT'LL NEVER DO.

I MEAN, DANNY,

WHY, HE'S A LITTLE NAUGHTY

FROM TIME TO TIME,

BUT NICK WRIGLEY

IS INCORRIGIBLE!

OH, MY. OH, DEAR.

I HAVE TO GE MY SLEIGH BACK.

HELLO! ALBERT!

HELLO!

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

OH, OF COURSE

HE CAN'T HEAR ME.

THIS GIZMO IS HOOKED UP

TO THE SLEIGH'S COMPUTER,

AND THE COMPUTER

IS IN THE SLEIGH,

AND THE SLEIGH IS GONE,

AND--OH!

OH!

OH, WAIT.

THE COMPUTER.

THAT'S

UNCLE NICK'S.

Kaitlin:
WHA ABOUT THE COMPUTER?

WELL, THIS YEAR,

MY SLEIGH IS BEING

RUN BY A COMPUTER.

THE REINDEER ARE ALL

SICK WITH THE FLU.

AND THIS COMPUTER

INTERFERED:

WITH MY SLEIGH:

AND BROUGHT IT DOWN.

PERHAPS WE CAN:

REPEAT THE PROCESS.

UM...DO YOU KNOW HOW

TO WORK THIS THING?

OH, YES, I DO.

UM, SO WHAT AM I

LOOKING FOR?

WELL, IT WAS

A SKULL-AND-CROSSBONES,

AND I PUSHED I INTO THAT CONTAINER THERE.

YOU TRASHED IT,

SANTA.

SORRY. IT'S GONE.

OH, DEAR.

OK, LET ME THINK.

THERE'S A COMPUTER

ON THE SLEIGH, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

AND SO IT PROBABLY

HAS A WEB ADDRESS,

RIGHT?

A WEB ADDRESS?

YOU KNOW, LIKE,

WORLDWIDE WEB.

LIKE--LIKE

SANTA.COM OR...

OH, YES! YES, EXACTLY.

SANTA.COM. YES.

EXCEPT THAT NAME

WAS ALREADY REGISTERED.

I'M SCLAUS2.COM.

MANY CHILDREN SEND ME

THEIR CHRISTMAS LISTS

IN THIS NEW FORMAT.

I FIND I VERY CONVENIENT.

HERE'S THE PLAN.

OK. I HACK

INTO THE COMPUTER

ON THE SLEIGH,

I OVERRIDE THE:

FLIGHT-CONTROL PROGRAM,

AND I BRING:

THAT PUPPY BACK:

LIKE A WELL-TRAINED

HOMING PIGEON.

OK, LET'S GO.

GO? WHERE?

TO THE COMPUTER STORE.

ALL THE COMPUTERS

IN OUR HOUSE:

ARE TOO WEAK:

FOR THIS JOB,

BUT THEY HAVE:

THE NEW LOUMAX 2327--

THE MOST POWERFUL

DESKTOP IN THE WORLD.

WONDERFUL.

LET'S GO.

UM, YOU KNOW,

YOU CAN DRIVE, RIGHT?

OF COURSE I CAN.

WHERE DO:

YOUR PARENTS:

PARK THEIR SLEIGH?

OK. WHAT ARE WE

SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?

Kaitlin:
OK,

RIGHT UP TO THE LIGHT.

NICE AND EASY.

NICE AND EASY.

RIGHT UP TO--

[TIRES SCREECH]

YOU DON' HAVE TO STOP YET.

KEEP GOING,

RIGHT UP TO THE LIGHT.

RIGHT UP TO THE LIGHT.

YOU DON'T HAVE

TO STOP AGAIN.

COME ON. SANTA...

YOU'RE GOING LEFT!

YOU'RE GOING LEFT!

NO, NO! TURN RIGHT.

TURN RIGHT.

GET YOUR FOO OFF THE BRAKE!

[TIRES SCREECH]

YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST!

Danny:
UHH.

DARRIN, DARRIN, DARRIN.

WHAT CAN I TELL YOU,

BUDDY?

YOU GOTTA WATCH:

THAT TEMPER,

BUT THIS PRESEN ISN'T GONNA MAKE YOU

ANY LESS ANGRY, SO...

I WISH ME:

A MERRY CHRISTMAS

I WISH ME:

A MERRY CHRISTMAS

I WISH ME:

A MERRY CHRISTMAS

AND A CHIPPENDALE SOFA

UNCLE NICK.

OH!

HUH. YOW! D!

UH, HOW'D YOU GE IN HERE?

WELL, I CLIMBED

THROUGH THE WINDOW

UPSTAIRS.

OH.

UH, HOLD ON.

UH, WHERE'S

DARRIN'S GIFT?

I GOT A--I GO A BETTER IDEA.

UH, WELL, I HAVEN' DELIVERED IT YET.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN

DOING DOWN HERE:

SO LONG, THEN?

OH, YOU MEAN, DOWN HERE?

YEAH.

YEAH, BATHROOM BREAK.

YOU KNOW, ALL THE

TAKING OFF AND LANDING,

YOU KNOW, JUST...

[LAUGHS] YEAH,

WELL, UH, HERE.

YOU HAVE:

THE LITTLE BALLY?

ZAP IT.

ALL RIGHT. STEP ASIDE.

A PUNCHING BAG?

UH, YEAH, YEAH.

WELL, SEE,

THIS KID, DARRIN,

HIS SCHOOL RECORD

SAYS THAT HE'S, UM,

HE'S BEEN

GETTING INTO FIGHTS,

AND I FIGURE HE CAN

POUND ON THIS THING

INSTEAD OF OTHER KIDS,

YOU KNOW, LIKE,

CHANNEL HIS ANGER

INTO A HEALTHY EXERCISE.

THAT IS WAY COOL,

DAN, MY MAN.

YEAH?

YEAH.

THE WAY:

YOU JUST LOOK PAS ALL THE SURFACE JUNK

AND SAW THIS GUY'S

POTENTIAL. YEAH.

SOME KIDS NEED A BREAK.

KIDS NEED A LITTLE

EXTRA ATTENTION,

A LITTLE EXTRA THOUGHT.

[CHORTLES] TAKE ME.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS,

I DON'T KNOW, ABOUT YOUR AGE,

ALL I EVER ASKED FOR

WAS ONE THING.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT WAS?

HMM?

A CUSTOM-MADE,

JIMI HENDRIX-SIGNED

ELECTRIC 6-STRING GUITAR

WITH AN EBONY FINGERBOARD

FROM McCUSACK'S MUSAK STORE.

HA HA HA.

WOWWWW!

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

ROCK AND ROLL GUITAR

IN THE WORLD.

EVERY YEAR:

I'D ASK FOR IT,

AND EVERY YEAR,

IT WASN'T UNDER THE TREE.

I MEAN, IT WASN'T LIKE

THE FOLKS COULDN'T AFFORD IT.

YOUR DAD GOT EVERYTHING

HE EVER WANTED.

CHEMISTRY SET, TELESCOPE,

MICROSCOPE, MACROSCOPE.

ANYWAY, HE WAS NICE,

AND I WAS NAUGHTY.

I MEAN,

NOT NASTY NAUGHTY,

YOU KNOW, JUST KIND OF

NATURALLY NORMAL NAUGHTY.

[LAUGHS]

AH.

AND YOU KNOW,

IF YOU WERE AROUND BACK THEN,

MAKING THE CHRISTMAS PRESEN DECISIONS,

I'D PROBABLY BE TOURING

WITH THE STONES RIGHT NOW.

YEAH?

OH, YEAH.

I WAS GOOD, MAN,

BUT WITH THE RIGHT EQUIPMENT,

I COULD'VE BEEN GREAT.

ANYWAY,

READY?

YEAH.

WHAT?

[LAUGHS]

NOTHING.

I MEAN,

YOU'RE JUST--

YOU'RE LOOKING

KIND OF LUMPY.

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