'Twas the Night Page #5

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WELL, YEAH.

COOKIES AND MILK,

COOKIES AND MILK,

EVERYWHERE WE GO.

NO WONDER SANTA:

HAS A WEIGHT PROBLEM.

COME ON.

[HIP-HOP PLAYS]

YEAH, 1, 2,

GET DOWN:

CHRISTMAS TIME:

GONNA BLOW YOUR MIND

'CAUSE IT'S ALL GOOD

SANTA CLAUS:

WILL LOOK YOU UP

IF YOU'VE BEEN GOOD

AW, YEAH

CHRISTMAS TIME:

GONNA BLOW YOUR MIND...

Kaitlin:
UH...

SANTA, I DON'T THINK

THAT TAKING A SHORTCU WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA.

WHY NOT?

JUST A HUNCH.

NONSENSE.

EXCUSE ME, BOYS.

Santa:
WOULD YOU MIND

MOVING YOUR VEHICLE?

I DON'T THINK

THEY HEARD ME.

I THINK THEY HEARD YOU,

SANTA.

[HONK HONK]

OH, MY GOD.

KAITLIN,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I THINK THIS BOY

WANTS TO TALK.

UH-OH.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

WHAT DO WE:

HAVE HERE?

SANTA CLAUS AND:

HIS LITTLE ELVES.

HA HA HA! DEAR, NO.

THESE AREN'T ELVES.

ELVES ARE ACTUALLY

SHORTER CREATURES

WITH POINTY EARS,

MISCHIEVOUS:

AND DISOBEDIENT,

BUT INHERENTLY KIND.

YOU TRYIN'

TO PLAY GAMES:

WITH ME, BUDDY?

WOULD YOU LIKE:

TO PLAY A GAME?

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT?

Santa:
IS THIS

SOME NEW GAME:

I'M NOT AWARE OF?

Kaitlin:
YEAH,

IT'S CALLED THE "WE'RE

IN BIG TROUBLE" GAME.

OH, DEAR.

THESE ARE NAUGHTY BOYS.

YES, THEY ARE.

STOP, BOYS!

BOYS, BOYS.

GET BACK HERE!

SANTA! NO! GET BACK!

NO! DON'T CLOSE THE DOOR!

NOW, BOYS.

BOYS, BOYS, BOYS.

Tagger:

OH, BIG MAN!

HEY, BIG MAN,

LET'S SEE

WHAT YOU GOT!

Second Tagger:

LOOK AT THAT DUDE.

NOW, SON, I DON'T WAN ANY TROUBLE.

SORRY, PAL,

'CAUSE TROUBLE'S

WHAT YOU GOT.

NOW COME ON.

I DIDN'T WANT TO

HAVE TO DO THIS, BUT...

OHH, WE ARE IN TROUBLE.

Tagger:
HA HA HA,

YOU'RE KIDDING ME,

RIGHT?

HA HA HA HA!

IS THIS GUY:

FOR REAL?

ALL RIGHT,

COME ON. LET'S SEE

WHAT YOU GOT, HUH?

COME ON, COME ON,

COME ON!

LIKE THAT, HUH?

COME ON, YOU GONNA

TAKE A PUNCH OR WHAT?

COME ON, COME ON!

THIS GUY FOR REAL?

HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA HA.

NOW CUT THAT OUT.

NOW BRING IT!

LET'S GO!

THIS IS IT.

KITCHY-KITCHY COO!

HA HA HA HA!

ALL RIGHT,

THAT AIN'T FUNNY,

YOU KNOW!

ALL RIGHT,

COME ON!

Tagger:
COME ON,

YOU CAN TAKE HIM,

GET HIM!

KOOTCHY-OOTCHY-OOTCHY!

Santa:
YOU GIVE? YOU GIVE?

I GIVE, I GIVE, I GIVE,

I GIVE!

YOU'RE ONE

TOUGH TICKLER, MAN!

HO HO HO HO HO.

I SWEAR, YOU GUYS

TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS,

AND YOU'RE

GONNA DEAL WITH ME!

AND I DON'T TICKLE!

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT, DOG.

YEAH, HOW'D YA

LIKE TO JOIN MY CREW?

HO. THAT'S

VERY HOSPITABLE OF YOU,

BUT, UH,

WE'VE GOT TO GET GOING.

AS I SAID,

WE HAVE BUSINESS

TO CONDUCT.

YOU SHOULDN' BE DRIVING

AROUND HERE, MAN.

THERE'S ALL KINDS

OF CREEPS RUNNING

AROUND, YOU KNOW?

DO YOU HAVE:

A BETTER IDEA?

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

HO HO HO HO HO.

THANK YOU, PABLO.

NOW YOU BOYS:

CHECK YOUR STOCKINGS

TOMORROW:

AND SEE WHA SANTA BROUGHT YOU.

Tagger:
RIGHT ON, SANTA.

HO HO HO HO HO.

KIND OF CATCHING.

HA HA HA HA HA.

[JINGLE BELLS PLAYING]

WOW. ALBER WOULD LOVE IT.

Peter:
COME ON, SANTA.

YOU'RE LATE!

UH, AM I? UH...

LOT OF GOOD:

YOU DO ME NOW.

I NEEDED YOU:

FOR THE FINAL RUSH

THIS AFTERNOON,

NOT AT CLOSING TIME.

DON'T THINK I'M NO GONNA REPORT THIS

TO YOUR UNION REP.

WELL, ACTUALLY,

I'M MORE

OF AN INDEPENDEN CONTRACTOR.

THE NEXT TIME:

I NEED A BIG MAN

WITH COMPUTER EXPERIENCE,

I'LL PUT A PILLOW

UNDER MY SHIRT!

Kaitlin:
UM, EXCUSE ME, SIR,

BUT COULD YOU SHOW ME

WHERE THE LOUMAX 2327s

ARE, PLEASE?

WELL, GO ON

AND SHOW HER.

AISLE 2.

OH, HEH.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

UGH.

TEMPS.

Danny:
I GO A GOOD IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE GO

TO THE HOMELESS:

SHELTER?

PASS OUT SOME STUFF

THERE.

HOMELESS SHELTER?

THEY HAVEN'T GOT ANYTHING...

SO, YES,

WE SHOULD GO THERE.

RIGHT. I'M WITH YOU...

OR...OR...

HEY, HERE'S A GREAT IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE

JUST ZOOM OVER:

TO THE VANDERLIP MANSION

AND SPREAD SOME:

CHRISTMAS MAGIC THERE?

NAH, THERE WON' BE ANY KIDS THERE.

JUST A WHOLE BUNCH

OF GROWNUPS:

IN FANCY CLOTHES

AND JEWELS,

HAVING A PARTY:

OR SOMETHING.

YEAH.

THEY'VE GOT MORE

THAN THEY NEED.

WHY WOULD WE WAN TO GIVE THEM MORE?

WELL, WE WOULDN'T.

BUT, YOU SEE, THAT'S--

THAT'S MY IDEA, DANNY.

LISTEN, THEY'RE PROBABLY

GONNA HAVE SOME KIND

OF MAJOR FEAST, RIGHT?

WITH CAVIAR, ROAST BEEF,

ALL THE TRIMMINGS.

I GUESS, YEAH.

SO, THIS IS WHERE WE OUTDO

THAT OLD FOGEY CLAUS.

WE SWITCH THE DINNERS.

AH HA HA HA!

YEAH, WE LE THE RICH FOLKS SEE

WHAT LIFE IS:

REALLY LIKE FOR A CHANGE

WHILE, AT THE SAME TIME,

BRING A LITTLE CHRISTMAS CHEER

TO THE DOWNTRODDEN.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!

MAN, YOU ARE

A GREAT SANTA.

I TRY.

THESE BABIES:

ARE STATE OF THE ART.

LOUMAX 2327s...

IT'S THE MOS POWERFUL HOME COMPUTER

EVER CONCEIVED,

WITH A 1.2 TETRABYTE

HARD DRIVE:

AND A 6 GIGAHERTZ

PROCESSOR:

AND 512 MEGS OF RAM.

KAITLIN,

SOMEONE'S COMING.

DO SOMETHING!

IF THEY CATCH US,

THEY'LL THROW US OUT.

HMM.

Peter:

EXCUSE ME, SIR.

HEY,

WHAT ARE YOU ALL

DOING OVER THERE?

NOTHING. I HAVE TO GO

TO THE BATHROOM.

SO GO.

CAN YOU TAKE ME?

HEY, I'M

NOT YOUR DAD,

LITTLE KID.

I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE

TO DO IT OVER HERE, THEN.

NO, NO. NOT THERE.

WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS?

COME ON,

I'LL SHOW YOU

WHERE IT IS.

HE'S CREATED

A DIVERSION.

GREAT.

OK. THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.

NOW, PUSH THE ON BUTTON

AND HOPE.

Computer:
THIS IS...

OK. LET'S WRANGLE US

A SLEIGH.

YEAH, LIFE IS FINALLY

CUTTING US BAD BOYS

A BREAK, HUH, DANNY?

WE JUST MIGH COME OUT ON TOP THIS TIME--

WHOA! EASY, EASY.

HOT SOUP.

OW.

[SIGHS]

YEAH, LET'S DEFINITELY

DO THIS AGAIN NEXT YEAR.

YEAH.

I'M SURE BY THEN,

SANTA'LL BE BACK

AT THE CONTROLS.

YOU NEVER CAN TELL

WITH HEAD INJURIES.

YEP, YOU AND I

MIGHT JUST HAVE:

TO TAKE OVER THIS GIG

FOR MANY YEARS TO COME,

MY FRIEND.

[LAUGHS]

THERE'S THE MANSION.

OH, YEAH.

Danny:
READY?

YEAH.

LET'S TAKE HER IN.

DANNY, EASY.

THIS ISN'T SPLASH MOUNTAIN.

BUT I'M NO DOING THAT.

WHAT?

I'VE LOST CONTROL.

SOMEBODY ELSE IS

STEERING THE SLEIGH.

WELL, WHO?!

Kaitlin:
OH!

THAT'S GOTTA BE THEM.

OK, DANNY.

LET'S SHOW YOU WHO'S

IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.

Danny and Nick:

WHOA-OH-OH!

AAAH!

LET ME HAVE THAT THING!

Danny:
NO, NO,

IT'S NOT GONNA WORK.

Both:
WHOA!

SOMEBODY'S HACKED

INTO OUR SYSTEM.

THEY'RE FLYING

OUR SLEIGH.

WHOA!

WHOO!

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

WHOEVER'S DOING THIS

HAS GO A MUCH MORE POWERFUL

COMPUTER THAN WE DO.

WHOA!

Nick:
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

HOLD ON!

GOOD IDEA!

OK, I KNOW.

I'LL PUT IN

THE COORDINATES:

FOR MY HOUSE.

Santa:
YOU'D BETTER HURRY.

Danny:
OK, HERE'S

A STUPID IDEA.

Nick:
I'M LISTENING.

WE COULD...

CUT THE POWER OFF,

THEN THROW I BACK ON REAL QUICK.

THAT WOULD:

STOP THE SIGNAL,

BUT IT COULD:

ALSO DO SOME DAMAGE

TO THE HARD DRIVE.

WHO CARES:

ABOUT THE HARD DRIVE?

IT'S OUR ONLY CHOICE.

LET'S DO IT NOW

BECAUSE WE'RE

RIGHT OVER THE MANSION. GO.

[SLEIGH POWERS DOWN]

Both:
AAAAAAAH!

DON'T YOU THINK

IT'S ABOUT TIME

WE TURN IT BACK ON?!

I'M TRYING!

I'M TRYING!

YES! AH HA HA HA HA!

YOU DID IT! WHOO-HOO!

OK. WE'RE STILL DROPPING,

BUT NOT AS FAST.

OK, EASY, NOW. EASY.

ALL RIGHT. I KNOW.

I GOT IT.

DON'T WORRY,

DON'T WORRY.

EASY!

I GOT IT, I GOT IT.

I'M AN ACE.

OK. GOOD. WE'RE SAFE.

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