'Twas the Night Page #6

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I ALMOST LOST MY COOKIES.

SHALL WE?

WHILE THE SOUP'S STILL HOT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

I LOST THEM.

I HAD THEM:

RIGHT IN MY HANDS.

YOU KNOW, I GUESS

IT'S JUST POSSIBLE

THAT MY BROTHER:

MIGHT BE SMARTER

THAN I GIVE HIM:

CREDIT FOR.

NAH.

THAT'S IT.

YOUR BROTHER:

HAS STOLEN MY SLEIGH.

HE'S OBVIOUSLY

IN CAHOOTS WITH:

THAT UNCLE OF YOURS.

HE'S ON THE NAUGHTY LIS FOR LIFE.

BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR.

YOU DON'T KNOW DANNY, SANTA.

HE WOULDN'T STEAL IT.

THERE'S GOTTA BE A REASON.

AND I MAY WELL:

PUT IN A CALL:

TO MY GOOD OLD FRIEND,

THE EASTER BUNNY.

THE ONLY WAY:

THAT YOUNG MAN WILL

GET EGGS IN HIS BASKE IS IF HE LAYS THEM

HIMSELF.

WHOA.

OHH, EXQUISITE.

HMM. OOH.

WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

[SIGHS] JUNK.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED

OF YOURSELF.

A BIT EARLY.

OOPS!

OHH, NICKY LIKES.

BOOP!

ROOP-BOOP-DO-DO-BE-DOO

DO-DO-DE-DOODLY-DOO

HMM...HMM...EHH.

OH. YES, YES.

OK.

STILL, THERE'S

SOMETHING WRONG:

WITH THE ENSEMBLE.

OH!

OF COURSE.

THE NECKLACE.

ALLOW ME.

[HUMS] HOW'S IT GOING

IN THERE, BIG D?

Danny:
FINE.

HA HA.

ME, TOO!

[SINGS]

IT'S STILL HOT.

[GASPS] HOLY BLITZEN!

THE VANDERLIP DIAMOND.

POUR MOI?

OOH.

OH-OH-OH.

OH, IT IS

A MERRY CHRISTMAS.

EXCUSE ME?

SORRY?

MMWAH. OH!

HEH HEH.

MRS. VANDERLIP.

TSK, TSK.

NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY.

OH, THIS REALLY IS

EXQUISITE.

UNCLE NICK?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS JUST MINGLING.

I THOUGHT THERE:

WAS SOMETHING FISHY

ABOUT YOUR LUMPY STOMACH.

THERE'S STUFF IN THERE.

STUFF? WHAT STUFF?

UHH!

[WHIMPERS]

THAT STUFF.

OH, THIS STUFF, HEH.

YES, UH...

[SIGHS]

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.

SEE,

I'M COLLECTING ITEMS

FOR A CHARITY FUND-RAISER

TO HELP FIGHT...

BAD THINGS.

AAAAAAH!

UNH!

OHH!

YOU DON'T HAVE

TO LIE ANYMORE.

I MEAN,

I'M NOT THAT DENSE.

THIS WHOLE NIGHT HAS

ALL BEEN ONE BIG, FAT SETUP.

YOU SCAMMED ME:

SO YOU COULD STEAL STUFF.

NO. DANNY.

LOOK, JUST, UH...

IT IS THE GIVING SEASON,

RIGHT?

NOW, JUST--JUS THINK OF IT AS--

AS THEM:

GIVING TO THE:

LESS-FORTUNATE, HMM?

OH. HERE.

HAVE A STRADIVARIUS.

GO ON, TAKE IT!

THAT'S IT.

WE'RE DONE.

OK.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I PROMISE, NO MORE.

NO, I MEAN YOU AND ME.

WE'RE DONE.

FOR GOOD.

[CHORTLES]

COME ON.

DANNY.

HEH HEH HEH.

IT'S YOUR UNCLE NICK.

Nick:
YO, D-MAN,

WHERE YA GOIN'?

D!

WHOA, DANNY!

DANNY, DANNY,

DANNY. HOLD ON.

COME ON. HEY, HEY.

OK, OK. ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'LL LEVEL WITH YOU, OK?

IT'S JUST I'VE BEEN HAVING

A SMALL CASH FLOW PROBLEM.

SO--SO THIS WAS JUS A TIDE-ME-OVER KIND OF

ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME THING.

I MEAN, I REALLY WOULDN' MAKE TOO MUCH OUT OF THIS.

ALL RIGHT. I'M SORRY. OK?

I'M SORRY

I DIDN'T TELL YOU,

BUT, COME ON!

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE SAID?

I WOULD'VE SAID,

"DON'T DO IT."

[LAUGHS] SEE?

THAT'S MY POINT.

OK. IT'S ALL GOOD NOW.

[SIGHS]

WHERE TO NOW?

WELL,

I'M GOING BACK HOME,

SEE IF I CAN:

REALLY HELP SANTA.

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

YEAH, RIGHT.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

YOU'RE NOT COMING BACK

WITH ME, ARE YOU?

NO, I, UH, I...NO.

NO, I DON'T THINK

IT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA.

YEAH, THAT'S

WHAT I THOUGHT.

BUT, HEY. WE WILL

DEFINITELY HOOK UP, OK?

I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL.

WE'LL HOOK UP.

OK? HEH HEH.

DAN, MY MAN. HEH HEH.

ALL RIGHT, PAL?

DANNY?

WHAT?

HEY, WE STILL

HAVE MONACO, RIGHT?

[DINNER GUESTS

SHOUTING]

NOW WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

NEITHER DO I.

IT LOOKS LIKE:

CHRISTMAS IS OVER.

[ALL SIGH]

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

HOW WILL YOU GET HOME?

THAT'S

A GOOD QUESTION.

THAT'S GOING TO TAKE

SOME FIGURING,

THANKS TO:

YOUR NAUGHTY BROTHER.

BUT DANNY:

ISN'T NAUGHTY.

HE'S NOT.

WELL, HE'S DOING

A PRETTY GOOD IMITATION.

OK, BUT WHA IF HE GAVE YOU

YOUR SLEIGH BACK

AND SAID:

HE WAS SORRY?

WOULD YOU:

STILL KEEP HIM:

ON YOUR BAD LIS AND CALL THE BUNNY?

WELL, MAYBE NOT,

BUT THAT'S NO TOO LIKELY TO HAPPEN,

NOW, IS IT?

[CRASH]

AAAAAH!

WHA--

I KNEW:

YOU'D COME BACK.

UHH, HEY. PETER?

DANNY,

SANTA'S REALLY

MAD AT YOU.

YEAH, I HAD A FEELING

HE MIGHT BE.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU HAVE

TO SAY FOR YOURSELF

NOW, DANNY?

UH...

MERRY CHRISTMAS?

A SCREWDRIVER.

SCREWDRIVER.

SOLDERING IRON.

SOLDERING IRON.

NEEDLE-NOSE PLIERS.

NEEDLE-NOSE

PLIERS.

HOW'S IT GOING?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW

IF I CAN FIX THIS ONE, DANNY.

YOU REALLY DID IT THIS TIME.

CRESCENT WRENCH.

CRESCENT WRENCH.

SANTA?

I OWE YOU:

AN APOLOGY.

I'M SORRY.

BUT I--I WASN' TRYING TO STEAL

YOUR SLEIGH.

I HOPE:

YOU BELIEVE ME.

FRANKLY, SON, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE.

[SIGHS]

MY UNCLE NICK--

HE'S...HE'S

NOT REALLY:

A BAD GUY...

I GUESS.

I MEAN--HE'S, UH...

HE JUST GOT A:

LITTLE OVER HIS:

HEAD THIS TIME,

AND--AND THEN

THAT'S THE WAY

IT IS.

[SNIFFLES]

HE'S JUST, UH...

A SCAMMER?

YEAH.

HOW DOES IT FEEL

BEING THE ONE SCAMMED

THIS TIME?

NOT GOOD.

WELL, THAT'S

THE BALL GAME, BOYS.

THERE'S NO WAY THIS PUPPY

IS GOING ANYWHERE ELSE

ANYTIME SOON.

YOUR HARD DRIVE'S

TOTALLY FRIED.

I TAKE I THAT'S BAD?

THAT'S REAL BAD.

AND THE COMPUTER STORE

IS CLOSED ALL DAY TOMORROW.

[SIGHS]

THE EARLIES I COULD GET YOU UP

IS SOMETIME:

ON THE 26th.

[CHOIR SINGING

CHRISTMAS HYMN]

HE'LL BE OK.

KIDS REBOUND.

THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.

IN A WEEK HE'LL FORGE ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

HEY.

I'LL SEND HIM A PRESENT.

SOMETHING BIG.

A BIG...

EXPENSIVE...

THING.

OHHH.

[CHOIR SINGING]

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

HEY. HEY, BUDDY.

WE'RE LOOKING

FOR 300 WALNUT STREET.

HOW FAR?

[PRETENDING

TO HAVE COUGHING FIT]

LET'S GO. IT'S GOTTA

BE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

GET READY:

FOR THIS, ELIOT.

DINNER TIME,

BOYS.

OH, YEAH!

[TIRES SCREECH]

HO HO, HOLY SMOKE,

THAT WAS CLOSE.

HA HA HA HA!

OHH...

300...WALNUT STREET?

HEY, SANTA.

YOU GETTIN' IN?

I--

ALL THESE YEARS,

AND I'VE NEVER MISSED

A CHRISTMAS DELIVERY

UNTIL NOW.

BUT MAYBE:

IT'S FOR THE BEST.

MAYBE IT'D

DO PEOPLE GOOD:

TO KNOW WHAT IT'S

LIKE WITHOUT SANTA.

MAYBE THEY'D

APPRECIATE CHRISTMAS

MORE.

APPRECIATE ME:

A LITTLE MORE.

YES.

MAYBE I'LL JUST TAKE

A FEW YEARS OFF.

YOU DON'T MEAN THAT?

WHY NOT?

EVERYBODY ELSE:

SEEMS TO BE THINKING

ONLY OF THEMSELVES.

MAYBE I'LL JUS GIVE UP AND JOIN THEM!

WHY, MAYBE I'LL TAKE

THIS PASTY OLD CARCASS

OFF TO FLORIDA,

LET RUDOLPH:

RUB SUNBLOCK ON MY BACK,

SIP AN UMBRELLA DRINK,

LISTEN TO A STEEL BAND,

AND LET SOMEONE ELSE

DO THE HOLIDAY:

HEAVY LIFTING.

YOU THINK A TAN WOULD

MAKE ME LOOK THINNER?

BUT THERE:

ISN'T ANYONE ELSE.

YOU'RE SANTA.

DON'T WORRY, SON.

SANTA'S JUS A LITTLE DEPRESSED.

[SANTA SIGHS]

IT'S BEEN

ONE OF THOSE DAYS.

EVERYTHING:

THAT COULD GO WRONG

DID GO WRONG.

300 WALNUT STREET, BILL!

BILL! BILL! BILL!

STOP THE CAR!

STOP THE--BILL! BILL!

AND IS STILL GOING WRONG.

BILL! BILL!

PUT ON THE BRAKES!

THAT IS THE LAST TIME

I LET YOU DRIVE, BILL.

I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!

I DON'T CARE IF YOU

CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

THAT IS THE LAST TIME

I LET YOU DRIVE!

GET OUT OF HERE!

COME ON, LET'S GO.

OK, WHERE IS HE?

YEAH, WHERE

IS NICK WRIGLEY,

THE LYING,

COMPUTER-HACKING

LITTLE THIEF?!

HE'S NOT HERE.

DON'T GIVE US

THE RUNAROUND ALREADY!

WE KNOW HE'S HERE!

OH, YEAH.

WE TRACKED HIM:

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