200 Cigarettes

& I know a guy

who's tough but sweet?

? He's so fine

he can't be beat?

? He's got everything

that I desire?

? Sets the summer sun on fire?

? I want candy?

? I want candy?

? Go to see him

when the sun goes down?

? Ain't no finer boy in town?

? You're my guy

You're what the doctor ordered?

? So sweet

you make my mouth water?

? I want candy?

? I want candy?

? Candy on the beach

there's nothin' better?

? But I like candy

when it's wrapped in a sweater?

? Someday soon

I'll make you mine?

? Then I'll have candy

all the time?

? I want candy?

? I want candy?

? I want candy?

? I want candy?

? Hey?

? Hey?

? Hey?

? Hey?

? Hey??

Car Radio:
? Oh, yes

it's ladies' night?

Cabbie:
Talk to me,

Kool, baby. Mmm!

There ain't a party

in New York City

that can beat this

right here, baby...

Good music. I'm loose,

I'm feelin' it.

Oh, yeah,

this is the life, baby.

This is definitely the life.

Kevin:

Crank it!

Lucy:

You missed St. Mark's.

Don't worry, baby.

I'm gonna swing around right here.

- Oh, look out.

- [Beep Beep]

Stop honking.

? Tonight?

? Everything's gonna be

all right?

? This is your night tonight?

? Everything's gonna be

all right?

? This is your night tonight?

? Everything's gonna be

all right?

? This is your night tonight?

? Gonna shake it on the loose

and crank it up?

? Gonna crank it in my mind??

? Gonna crank it up, man??

Whoo!

Hey, man, you feel

that vibe right there?

You see, now, that's what

New Year's Eve is all about.

You can feel the fun

like electricity.

Yeah!

New Year's Eve is so great!

It's like everyone

just says, Hey, man...

Baby, is your friend gonna

be all right back there?

- He's fine.

- Whoo!

You're my friend because

we, as a people,

are one, and we enjoy

various kinds of food."

You know what it is?

His girlfriend

- Driver:
Shut up, you fuckhead!

- Dumped him last night,

and I think he's a little bummed.

Yeah, I'm bummed out 'cause

now you're draggin' me

to some stupid f***in'

New Year's Eve party,

and it's my birthday.

Well, happy birthday, Doctor.

How perfect is that?

You didn't wanna

celebrate your birthday.

Crank it up, would you?

Crank it.

Because I would've thrown you

a party, Kevin.

I don't want a party, Lucy.

- I mean, I wanna party.

- There you go.

I just don't want a party.

Oh, my God. You do this...

every year!

Every year, you do this.

You ruin a perfectly

good holiday

with your stupid

birthday bullshit.

Well, I'm sorry

that it's my birthday.

Believe me.

I'm sorry that I was born at all.

Oh, f*** you.

F*** you.

Well, f*** both y'all.

That's what I say.

F***in' crank it.

Will you pull over?

Over here.

- Right there.

- All right, baby. Hold on.

[Our Lips Are Sealed

By The Go-Gos Playing]

Crab dip.

[Sighs]

Am I insane?

Wh-What was I thinking?

What?

Do you realize I got this recipe

off a box of cream cheese.

Ugh! I don't even

recognize myself anymore.

You know, I hate parties.

I hate going to them,

and I hate giving them.

At least when I'm going to them,

I'm not responsible

for how horrible they are.

And this one's gonna be the worst.

I can feel it.

No one's coming.

No... No...

The losers will be here.

All the people I hate

will be here.

All my ex-boyfriends

and their new, more-attractive

girlfriends will be here.

Throwing a party...

it's like...

it's like

an invitation for abuse.

It's like the last

desperate act of someone

who hasn't had

a lasting relationship

since Junior High.

You dated in Junior High?

Why am I doing this?

Why am I subjecting myself

to this?

God, I think I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, hey, main man,

there's no smokin'

in my cab, all right?

What are you talking about?

You're smoking.

I ain't smokin' what you smokin'.

That's great.

Hey, main man,

you need to relax.

I been listening to you, buddy.

You way too uptight.

You gotta look around you.

Everybody's having fun out here.

They drinkin', they fightin',

they pissin' on the streets.

It's New Year's Eve.

They lovin' the ladies.

A lady go out on New Year's Eve,

she ain't tryin'

to carry a burden.

She tryin' to let one go.

Wanna know how I succeed?

Not really, no.

I'll tell you what I do.

See, first of all, bro,

you gotta smile...

like this here.

Do that a lot.

B*tches love that kinda thing.

They love happiness, right?

Now, number 2...

Number 2,

this is very important.

Don't talk about death.

Everybody knows

they're gonna die, baby.

Nobody wanna hear it

from you, you dig?

And number 3...

and this gonna get you

some booty right here...

You listening?

You feel me?

Music makes booty

spin 'round, baby.

The Commodores:

? Lady?

? Pretty lady?

? You brought me in

from out the rain?

- ? Yeah?

- ? Baby?

? My life will never

be the same?

? Once I was filled

with desperation?

? A solitary man??

Here.

What's this?

It's your present,

fuckhead. Open it.

Mm!

Happy birthday!

There you go, heh heh heh!

Smoke up!

Cabbie:
All right, let's get

this party rollin', baby!

[Horns Honking]

Just promise we won't

go past Avenue A.

How many times

I gotta tell you?

We're not going there.

I'm serious, Val.

I knew a girl...

who got raped on B.

OK, OK. We're not

going on B, OK?

It's so cool

that we are hanging out

with the bands

on New Year's Eve.

- When are we meeting them?

- I told you. After the party.

So, what about this party?

Are there gonna be any guys there?

Does your cousin know any guys?

She knows guys,

but they're weird like her.

- Hey!

- That's OK.

I like weird guys.

I can get into that sh*t.

So where's this party, Soho?

- Noho.

- Noho? I thought you said Soho.

No. I said Noho.

That's not even a real place.

They just made that up.

That's not even

on the map or nothin'.

Well, excuse me, OK?

Wherever it is, it's right up ahead.

I love the East Village.

It is so cool.

I mean, all the cool people

live here!

- Wait a minute.

- What?

I thought this was the place.

This shithole?

Yeah. This is the address

she gave me.

- You're shittin' me.

- No!

This is the address

I wrote down.

So call her up.

I don't have her number.

What the f*** you carrying around

in that pocketbook?

A f***in'

Encyclopedia Britannica?

I got makeup and sh*t in there.

Makeup and sh*t?

That's just great.

We're totally f***ed

on New Year's Eve

with a pocketbook

full of makeup

- And this shithole building address.

- What should we do?

There's nothing we can do.

We're f***ed.

Look, I'll call and see

if she's listed.

All right?

You got a dime?

She better be listed, Val!

Oh, God.

Uhh!

[Elvis Costello's

Pump It Up Plays]

Kevin:
Excuse me...

Whoa! Pardon me.

Lucy:

Hi! Happy New Year!

Hey, baby.

- Excuse me.

- Hi!

How's it hang?

Sorry.

You want a piece of me? Huh?

Hey... knock it off.

Ow!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Ha ha ha!

- A**hole.

- You used to go out with her?

- It was a long time ago.

How long ago?

l... I don't know. Um...

Well...

Um, maybe 6 months ago.

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