A Ballerina's Tale

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1

Four and...

That's good.

It's coming up.

I think that people think

that sometimes I focus too much

on the fact

that I'm a black dancer.

But that's so much of who I am,

and I think it's so much

a part of my story.

Just making it to this level,

I think,

no matter what race you are

or what gender,

is a huge accomplishment.

I don't think that people

realize what a feat it is

being a black woman.

If they were to, you know,

go back and read

that there's never been

a black principal woman

at the Royal Ballet,

at the Paris Opera Ballet,

at the Kirov Ballet,

in the top companies

in the world,

in New York City Ballet

in New York City...

I don't think people

really understand that.

Hi, Steph.

You okay? You good?

Yeah, I'm okay.

- How you doing?

- I'm good.

- You coming tomorrow?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Gonna come and watch everyone.

- You good, though?

- Getting better, yeah.

Taking barre?

I did my own barre today, so...

Good.

- Nice to see you.

- You too.

She just got injured.

It sucks.

This is... this is it.

I've been coming here

since I was 16

to these exact studios.

This Paloma Herrera

in the part of Gamzatti

in "La Bayadre,"

and I do this role now,

which is so exciting.

I premiered it two years ago,

and I'll do it again

this Met season.

This is, like, where we have

our rehearsal schedules,

where they put up casting

when it's time.

There's usually, like,

a basic casting book

that's, like, this big book.

It's like the Bible,

and it has, like,

what parts you're learning

and, like, you're understudying,

and so you have to, like,

go back to that

and then think, "Oh,

what part am I understudying?"

And then you have to check,

and it's like,

"All Us and alts."

Like, understudies

and alternates have to come,

and sometimes you're not called.

It's just confusing,

and it took me so many years

to, like, feel comfortable

and not, like, be on edge.

Every morning, I come in early.

I'm usually either...

I'm alone.

No one's here yet.

I move the barre by myself,

which is heavy,

and I put it right here,

and then this is my spot

every morning.

Like, if I take class in here,

this is exactly where I stand,

'cause then I can see myself

in that mirror from the front

and I can see myself

in that mirror from the side,

which is nice to be able to,

like, see all angles of yourself

when you're working

at the barre,

to see, you know,

if my leg is in front of me

or if my leg is behind me.

I can see all of that

from the side,

make sure that

everything is, like,

exactly the way

that it needs to be.

So I'm a crazy perfectionist.

So this is my spot.

And sometimes, like,

someone will get here first,

and then they take your spot,

and you're like,

"Ugh, I have to stand

behind them today."

Every great ballet dancer,

male or female,

at one point ends up

dancing at AB or at least desires

to dance at ABT.

It was founded in the belief

that we could emulate

Russia and France

in terms of having

a world-class ballet company.

They perform at the

Metropolitan Opera House,

which is considered, bar none,

the most important stage

in the world.

I was definitely,

for the majority

of my childhood,

in underprivileged communities

and struggling

in terms of money.

I was one of six kids.

I was very shy

and definitely was

the one in the family that

blended in with the background,

'cause everyone was fighting

for attention in some way.

I was introduced

to ballet at 13,

and it was just

this instant connection.

I felt that I could

really say something.

I felt like I belonged

and that I had a voice.

I started to develop ways

of critically thinking

about things,

which I'd never

had to do before.

I had to make decisions

on how I was going

to approach a step

or using parts

of my brain and my body

that I hadn't used before.

The competition

is Misty Danielle Copeland.

I got all my fouetts in.

I'm really happy.

Kevin McKenzie approaches me

and says,

"Well, you're gonna join

the studio company,

but before your contract starts,

we would like for you

to come on tour

with the main company

for two weeks in China.

And that was just, like,

"Oh, my God."

Like, "It's happening."

It's like seeing

the turning point in a movie,

and it's happening to me

right now.

On that trip to China,

I think it was in New York,

like, right before we left,

that I met Leyla,

my best friend.

So right away, we clicked,

and we got along,

and we were rooming together,

and we became

the best of friends.

We just did everything together,

and we kind of had,

like, this camaraderie.

We would take trips

to Red Lobster in Brooklyn,

'cause at the time, they didn't

have one in Times Square.

We would get on the train

and travel

to go to some Red Lobster,

and sometimes,

if Red Lobster was closed,

we'd go to Sizzler

that was, like, next door.

We... I don't know

what it was,

but, like, we...

We loved it.

And then when that Red Lobster

opened up in Times Square,

we were like, "Yes!"

When you're in your adolescence

and you're dancing,

you don't get to experience

what normal kids

get to experience.

You don't date.

You don't go to parties.

You don't...

you don't hang out.

As soon as school is over,

you're going

straight to practice

and to dance class.

That was around the time

that I first was being told

to lose weight by ABT,

and I had no idea

how to handle that.

I mean, I never had

to watch what I ate.

Like, I had no idea

how to take care of my body.

It was just naturally

the way it was,

and it worked for ballet

until I hit puberty,

and then it all changed.

The skinny ideal that

a lot of contemporary audiences

associate with ballet today

is strictly a modern phenomenon,

and it can actually

be dated to 1963,

when George Balanchine

was able to start creating

the ballet and the ballerina

according to a vision he had,

an ideal vision he had,

of a dancer.

Post Balanchine, you get

these very emaciated body types,

and you get no longer

a woman on the stage.

You get these

prepubescent girls...

flat-chested,

you know, encouraged not to eat

to the point of not being able

to menstruate...

and, you know,

that has created a huge,

I think, problem in ballet.

It literally

has killed ballerinas

and actually doesn't need

to exist at all.

It all kind of hit me at once:

moving to New York,

realizing I was the only

African-American woman

in a company of 80 dancers.

I felt like I was

sinking for a while.

I felt alone in a world

that had become my home,

and it gave me mixed feelings.

I was coming home at night

and just feeling

so bad about myself,

and I would call Krispy Kreme,

and they told me

they only delivered to...

to, like, big corporations,

so I was like,

"Okay, yeah, I'm a corporation.

Can I have

two dozen doughnuts?"

And they'd drop them off,

and I would eat

a dozen doughnuts

in one sitting.

I was overeating because I felt

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