A Ballerina's Tale Page #2

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so bad about myself.

I just started this pattern of,

like, feeling so ashamed

that I didn't even want to come

to class in the morning.

I didn't want to stare

at myself in the mirror.

I first became aware

of Misty Copeland

when she joined the company,

the corps,

and I would see her

in performances,

and she always stood out.

She had what you can't teach

and you can't learn.

She had stage presence,

and she had a fire

that the other corps-ians

did not.

Kevin McKenzie,

the artistic director of ABT,

had said to me

from the very beginning

when I first mentioned

how much I admired Misty

that he felt she had

the talent to go the distance

and to go all the way.

The executive director

said to me,

"But there's an issue.

"We feel that she has

all this promise,

"but she lacks a bit of focus.

"And everybody adores her,

but she is doing some things

that stand in her own way."

They did something

unprecedented,

which is, they said to me,

"Would you please

take her under your wing?

"We would like you

to spend time with her.

"We would like you

to become her confidante...

"or her consigliere, rather,

"because we feel she's got

everything that it takes,

"and she just needs that

older woman who can help her."

I began introducing her

to women I knew

who had been the first...

whether it was Diahann Carroll

or Veronica Webb,

who was the first black model

to have her own

cosmetics contract...

women who had blazed trails,

to help her understand

that she had the same potential,

to give her a kind

of kitchen cabinet of women

who could help her

face these hurdles,

because as much as she was

beloved in the company

and she was everybody's Misty,

she felt very alone,

and she felt

a lot of self-doubt.

And as we began this process

and we were having

all our discussions

at ABT about diversity,

one of the things

I had said was,

"It's only a matter of time

"before a very ugly article

hits the papers

"about the lack of diversity

in ballet,

"because it's going

to be noticed,

"and we're in

the new millennium.

"We're not in 1952,

and we still look like

the Alabama country club

in 1952."

Sure enough, in the spring,

an article was done, saying,

"Where are

the black ballerinas?"

And it was the front page

of the Arts & Leisure section.

New York City Ballet

was lambasted,

and we were lambasted,

and Misty called me crying.

She was crying,

and she was saying,

"I look at this, and I think,

'"Why am I even bothering?

'"Why am I doing what I'm doing?

There's no hope."'

I can tell you that I have

been writing about this idea

of the color of ballet

since at least the late '80s.

In fact, I have

a story from 1990

I just kind of

refreshed myself with,

just to see what has changed,

what has stayed the same.

And I would say

that unfortunately,

a lot has stayed the same.

It is still a ballet blanc,

so to speak, you know?

It's very difficult

to see people of color

adopt major roles

in the classical repertoire.

And tomb pas de bourre

with arms,

and up, relev, piqu through.

The color of the skin

is obviously

a very important aspect

that is kind of taboo.

It's about casting.

Can you be soft and lovely,

or do you have to be...

Strong and sexy?

You would make a black dancer

just that sexual,

you know, vivacious dancer,

but there's also

other roles that

you growing up as a little girl

watching "Giselle"

or watching these

more ethereal ballerinas,

which you can do,

but the color of your skin,

they tend to not let you

do those ballets.

And pli.

Don't change and change.

One, two, three, fifth.

Chass through.

That's it.

Classical ballet is all

based on these

fairy-tale stories

many... in many times.

And so if you don't see

a black dancer

or a more stocky dancer

as someone

who looks like a fairy,

then you're not going

to be casted in that role,

which is like,

"Well, who defines

what a fairly looks like?

Isn't it a mythical creature?"

I wouldn't go in the sun

when I was little.

I... when I was dancing, I was,

"No sun.

"You can't get...

you can't get any sun,

'cause you have to be

as pale as possible."

Like, that was...

that paleness is so...

was such a big thing.

The aesthetic of the body

is so important in ballet,

and there's... you know,

I think George Balanchine...

and forgive me if I'm,

you know, not...

I'm not gonna quote him,

but I believe George Balanchine

said something to the effect of,

"You know, the skin of a dancer

should be that

of a freshly peeled apple,"

and I'm not that.

I turn more into, you know...

I'm the shade of a chestnut

come summertime.

So we got to figure this out.

Every dancer that goes

through the process

the way I did,

through the school,

through the company,

you audition,

you're a snowflake

for "Nutcracker,"

and you...

you're selected

after you do a season

of "Nutcracker,"

and then you get

into the company.

In my case,

that was not the case.

I saw my friends...

It was like my car was going

five miles an hour

and everyone else was going,

you know, 75.

And I saw my friends

just getting into...

into the company, you know?

They were all snowflakes,

and I was sitting

on the sidelines melting...

my spirit melting,

my esteem melting.

I had done all this hard work,

and why wasn't I a snowflake?

I look upon ballet

the way I look upon

the symphony orchestra.

They are some

of the last bastions

of white supremacy.

And what's interesting is,

if you would talk

to these artistic directors

of these ballet companies

or the conductors of the...

they... they don't know.

That's the problem.

They don't realize that they are

at the service of...

they are the lackeys of racism.

I feel like a lot of the time,

what I'm being judged on

is my aesthetic,

and it may not be said,

but I feel like I just...

a lot of the time, I don't think

that the classical ballet world

will ever accept me

because I'm something different.

What you're

looking for in ballet

is assimilation

and uniformity, okay?

Even for a soloist

who's doing a solo,

I mean, it's kind of

still in this uniform.

It's not...

I hate to say it,

but I don't feel like ballet,

even with

the best of choreography,

is so much about

individual creativity

or showing the individual.

That's an issue

for black ballerinas

in terms of, like,

fitting into the mold,

you know, fitting into the box.

I think that people

do make judgment

based on, maybe,

something they're not even

consciously aware of,

and it may be

the fact that I'm black.

It may be the fact

that I have a large chest.

It may be the fact

that I'm muscular.

They're reaching for change

in the classical ballet world

because they think

the art form is dying,

but if there isn't change,

how can it continue and grow?

I think there has

to be change happening.

Just over the course

of a couple of years,

there began to be a change.

Kevin McKenzie said to me,

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