A Beginner's Guide to Endings Page #5

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- Stop right there, okay?

- Listen...

Touch your skull, right around there.

- This? Yeah. It's my lucky bump.

- I don't know how lucky it is.

The day you were born,

you got dropped on your melon.

You fell down the stairs

when you were about six months.

Again when you were a year old.

By the time you got to kindergarten,

you'd been concussed upwards of 10 times.

You were just a...

really uncoordinated little pecker.

- Oh, ho, ho!

"Eddie The"?

- I told 'em

"Eddie The Power White" six times.

That font is a little big.

Maybe they ran outta room.

- Two minutes before I tussle,

you spring this on me?!

I asked you to do one thing!

- You were always one blow to the head

away from permanent brain damage, at least.

That fresh start you wanted

could've been your funeral.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my... Oh, my God!

I can't wear these!

- Why not?

- 'Cause I can't wear

White Power trunks...

in f***ing Detroit!

God. What am I gonna do?

- We're in a tight spot.

- Oh, yeah?

You think? Maybe I can put

a sweater around my waist

like I just got my f***ing period!

F***.

Let's go!

- You gotta call it off, boy-o.

- I can't.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- What's wrong?

- You know you can't fight in your robe, son!

- Okay. What about a sweater

tied around my waist?

- What?

- Look, my shorts,

they say "White Power" on 'em.

I am so sorry.

They say "White Power."

I know. It was a mistake.

- F*** you, cracker!

- F*** you!

- Get out! C'mon, get out!

You could take

a little light sparring,

but you lined up

an honest-to-goodness fight

with a bona-fide contender.

- So he came up with the trunks.

- Yeah, actually,

the trunks was my idea.

But it was Duke's idea

to bet on your disqualification.

The proceeds from which...

bought this silver bar.

- Then why...

why'd he let me fight at all?

- Your career was supposed to be,

y'know, one or two fights.

Couple of blows to the balls and he thought

you'd get smart and walk away.

But... he was weak and, uh...

...he found it was... profitable,

knowing the outcome.

Now you,

you just don't know when to quit.

You were a shitty boxer, Nuts.

The Duke tried to protect you

the only way he knew.. by fixing fights.

'Cause he loved his son.

And...

y'know, betting on sure things.

And that is why you cannot fight...

...ever again.

- Oh, my God.

- It ain't 20 grand...

But it's a start.

- Ah! You son of a...

- Miss Benatar.

Had a '72 El Camino.

Named her after Pat Benatar,

sexiest woman ever to grace

God's green Earth.

'Course, I called her

Miss Benatar, 'cause...

y'know, a fella callin' his ride Pat

might create the impression

he was into Irish dudes.

What're you working on down there?

- Well, I wanna make it sound really loud.

So, uh... I, uh, figured if I...

got underneath it

and just banged around with a wrench,

it would just kinda happen.

Didn't work.

- You just drill some holes in the muffler.

That'll get her growlin'.

- You can do that?

- Let's lift up her blouse there,

see what's she's got, huh?

- Yeah.

- It's a nice blue. Mine was green.

Your dad used to call it the Green Latrine.

- I think, um...

- Right here.

- Right.

- Oh, wow.

What're you gonna call her?

- "Pat" was in the lead.

I dunno, I guess I'm gonna add

picking a name to my to-do list.

- A list? That's smart.

- I dunno about smart.

The words "death defying"

appear, like, six times.

- Y'know, livin' like

there's no tomorrow

is... a pretty good way

to make sure there won't be one.

I don't have to worry

about you, too, do I?

- Actually, no.

I feel pretty much unstoppable.

- Here.

Let's make some noise, huh?

F*** it.

- Where you going dressed like that?

- See for yourself.

- Can I come?

- Sure.

- Can I dress up, too?

- I encourage it.

- Oh! Can we go to Dairy Queen

and pick up some twats?

- Yeah.

# Chicken

# Pay the chicken back back

Pay the chicken back payback

# Chicken back

# Do the Chicken payback

Piggy

# Pay the piggy back back

Pay the piggy back payback

# Piggy back

Do the piggy payback

# Monkey pay the monkey back back

# Pay the monkey back

See the monkey do the monkey

# Pay the monkey back

# Chicken pay the chicken back back

Pay the chicken back

# Pay back the chicken back back

# Do the chicken payback

Camel

# Pay the camel back

Sitting on a camelback

# See the camel do the camel

Pay the camel back

# Donkey

Pay the donkey back back

# Pay the donkey back

Pay back the donkey payback

# Payback

Pay back the donkey

# All the animals together

Break it down

# Let me hear you

I want it... right there.

- Why don't you let me see it?

- 'Cause.

- Let me see it.

- No.

- Why don't you let me see anything?

- Because I'm...

There, want to see it?

- What are those?

- They're... they're...

man dots.

Special man dots, okay?

- What's a man dot?

- Look, T odd, it hurt a lot more

than I thought it would, alright?

And if you ever think about doing

something as stupid as getting a tattoo,

I swear you better get a picture of me

so the cops'll know who killed you.

- Not interested.

- In what?

- Man in a suit comes to my house,

he's either pushing a religion or a warrant.

- You don't recognize me?

- Look, my seven-foot-tall boyfriend

carries a machete with him wherever he goes.

- It's Cal.

Twelfth grade? Best summer ever?

- Jesus! Is that you?

Oh!

- Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Okay, alright. That's illegal.

- You look so grown up and clean.

- Thank you.

- What you doing in town?

- Family business.

- And you find time to visit me.

I feel so flattered.

Flattered and stalked.

- Well, um... seeing

as I'm not from these parts anymore,

I was sort of looking for a tour guide.

But if your seven-foot-tall

machete-wielding boyfriend has an issue,

I understand. I just...

- Aw, I just say that

to keep the pigs at bay.

Let's go play tourist.

That your car?

Did you save up your babysitting money

to buy that?

- It's a rental.

# You can't take my girl

# Away from me mister

# Ah ah ah ah ah

Oh no no no no no

# You can't steal my guy

# Away from me sister

# Ah ah ah ah ah

# 'Cause we're so in love

# So in love

So in love

# So in love

# Are we

# You can't break this spell oflove

#Hey mister Oh no no no no no

Ah ah ah ah ah

So you're a mechanic these days?

- The motorcycle?

Sure, a mechanic.

What about you?

- Oh, you know me.

- Still getting by on charm and good looks?

- I suppose you're coasting by

on your knowledge of the deadly arts.

- Is that some kind of clever reference

to my marital difficulties?

- Oh, no, no--

- All because a girl can handle firearms

and knows her way around explosives

doesn't mean she killed anyone.

- Hey, hey, I meant no offence.

- I don't know what you've heard...

...but it's just one of those things.

Or, in this case, three of those things.

So don't go all Sherlock Holmes on me.

- Hey.

I'm just trying to solve the case

of how you got so beautiful.

- You always were a velvet-tongued devil,

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