A Beginner's Guide to Endings Page #7

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care about yourself,

but you care about

your baby brother.

One of you can get

hurt in the ring,

or both of yous can

get hurt in the street.

Choose wisely.

- He'll fight.

- Good.

Make sure it looks good.

- I'm gonna f***ing die.

- "Boys, you three are gonna die."

- I'm actually gonna die.

Woo!

Okay. Okay, let's go.

Let's go.

This is it, obviously!

- Yep.

- Where's Miranda?

- I sent her home.

I didn't want have her see me kill you.

- What if I win?

- If you win,

you go and be with Miranda.

On my word of honour.

But I don't think either of us thinks

that's very likely.

- Okay.

You're sort of far away.

I mean, do I just... just whenever?

- You're really over-thinking this.

- Alright.

Alright, come on, baby.

You can do this thing.

I'm coming! Ah!

- Ah!

- Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah!

- Ahhhh!!!

- Young man...

I'm gonna make the

Jihad on your skull.

Ah!

- Huh? Huh?

F*** it.

Hey, Mitch?

- Oh...

- What do I do now?

You want me to take you to the hospital,

or... or what?

- I didn't think you had it in you, dude.

Big Mitch is a man of his word.

So you go on.

You go to Miranda.

But you're takin' me with ya.

- What are you doing?

- I'm keeping my word.

- Okay, it's a really cute joke,

but will you get the key?

- I don't have a key to this one.

- C'mon, man!

- And I certainly don't have the key

to this one.

- Come on!

- I wanna do it, too!

- I said no!

- You never let me do anything!

- This is really dangerous, Todd, okay?

If I ever catch you doing something

this dangerous and stupid,

I will sell your testicles

to Chinese organ thieves.

- Stupid Jacob! Stupid blouse!

- Sassy.

- Oh, my God!

- How much longer

are we supposed to stay here?!

I mean, c'mon, man!

What about your word of honour?

- I'm keeping my word.

- Keeping? No, no!

This isn't keeping your word.

- Sure it is.

This is what they call passive resistance.

- Are you insane?

Seriously, what if a train comes?!

And what are we gonna do?

Sit here like a**holes,

cuffed to the tracks all day?!

- I really didn't think

that far ahead.

Man, I really didn't think that far ahead.

- Oh, my God.

This isn't doing sh*t!

- Here, use my machete!

- Who the f*** carries a machete?

Jesus!

It's not working!

It's doing sh*t!

- Stop, stop. You're dulling the blade.

- So f***ing what?!

- We need the blade sharp!

- Why do we need the blade sharp?

Why do we need the blade sharp?

- 'Cause you're gonna hack off my limb!

- I'm not hacking off your limb.

- Don't hack my limb,

I'll keep your f***ing ass

on the track with me!

- I can't chop off your hand.

I can chop off your hand! Okay.

You alright?

- Go, man!

- I just wanna check in with you!

- Just hack the f***ing limb!

- On the count of three!

- You f***ing crazy?

It's gonna hurt more if I'm expecting it!

- Oh, I apologize if my hand-cutting

etiquette is a little off!

- Just do it when I'm not expecting it!

- On two, then!

- Just hack the f***ing--

- Okay!

Ahhhh!!!

- Ahhhh!!!

- Hey, Mitch...

Stay awake.

We're almost at the hospital.

- Hey... what's with your car, man?

- It's a rental, okay?

Can we just not talk anymore

until we get to the hospital?

How 'bout that?

- I didn't think you had it in you, sport.

- Did I just... Did you not hear

what I just said, or what?

- Change the station, Mom.

- Let's go.

It's time.

Oh, really?

Thousand Island dressing?

What...?

Oh, what the f*** is that?

It looks like you got f***ing shingles!

- Maybe I woulda got a better dressing

if you were there for me.

- Ah, you look like a f***in' leper!

- Where were you?

- It doesn't matter, okay?

Just wipe that sh*t off.

We gotta weigh you in.

Maybe we'll pick up some Crisco.

- There it is.

- I don't even think it's for sale.

- Oh, it will be.

Remember, do not use our real names.

- You got it, Smell-vis.

- General Mayhem, let's roll.

Look, you can't tell anybody about this,

alright?

And if you ever think about doing

something as stupid as this, I swear,

I'm gonna... I will...

I'm not a very good role model, am I?

Alright, so the door's open.

Someone's home.

And I can't let them see the barrel.

So what do you say

if they ask you where I am?

- "What's a Jacob?"

- Perfect.

- Hey, Toddy.

- Keep your f***ing thumb out.

- The second that bell rings,

I'm coming out with the one-four-three.

Then jab--

- Or, or, or...

just f***ing work the outside.

- What?

- Yeah, you wear him down. You run.

Stick and jab, keep to the outside.

Y'know, tire him out a bit.

- No. I'm goin' for the early KO.

- That's...

certainly a possibility.

- F***, am I greasy!

Hey.

- Hmm?

- You brought your mitts?

- What?

Yeah. Yeah...

I... I slid by Pal's to...

- Really?

- Yeah.

- You're giving me your mitts?

- Yeah. Don't...

don't make a big deal of it.

- Nuts, I don't know what to say.

- Ahem. Don't say anything.

- I'm f***in' touched... Nuts.

Nuts, you're the best

brother in the world.

- Why'd you have to say that?!

- What the f***, Nuts?

- Ah, I...

I can't do this.

- What?!

- You're not fighting.

You're not ready for Tank Boy.

- Oh, I am ready!

You said Tank Boy was scrawny as f***!

- Well, he's recently filled out.

- I'm in prime form!

- Juicy, you're 0-2 against Todd!

- You're just jealous.

- Ah...

Just... sit.

Listen to me.

I have done a lot of things in my life

that I'm not proud of, okay?

But recently certain things

have come to light...

and I'm seeing things different.

And I'm looking at my baby brother,

who I want to help and protect.

And I hope to God you don't hate me

for what I did, but...

...I signed you up for this fight

knowing you were gonna

get your ass handed to you.

- Right.

- What? No, no right! I sold you out!

For money!

And not a lot of it!

Juicy... Iook at me.

Don't do this.

- I'm gonna fight and I'm gonna win.

Hey.

What the f*** was that?

- That was Tank Boy.

- What?!

- Hoo.

- Todd... where's Cob?

I'll give you five bucks.

- He's heading over the falls.

- He...

"Marry a good one, son...

...like a bull in a vagina shop. "

She got incarcerated!

- They died. All of them.

-...doesn't mean she killed anyone!

- Something has to change in me.

The ring, it was a sign.

- That's reckless!

That's more like Duke than anything!

- I gotta stop whoring around

and I need to settle down.

- That was Chlamydia!

- The f*** am I doing?!

Okay, just relax.

Just relax.

What the f*** am I doing?

- Is he dead?

- He's fine.

Well, he lost a hand, but he's alright.

- Oh...

Just a hand?

- Yeah.

You wanna do some more sightseeing?

- What'd you have in mind?

- C'mon.

- I'm invincible.

Hoo. Woo! Ow!

- Wh-what is going on?

What is going on in that boy's head?! Why?!

- It's on his list.

- What list?

What pills?!

- The pills, y'know,

that they all took for money.

That's his car!

- Pull over!

- Jacob!

- Jacob!

Jacob! Jacob!

- I see the barrel!

- Where?!

Jacob!

Stop!!!

- Mom?

- Stop, honey, you're not gonna die!

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