A Child's Christmases in Wales Page #2

down by the coast.

You bought it?

Well, not bought it bought it,

more like a rental.

What do you mean "like a rental"?

Well, I'm living in someone else's place,

but it differs from a rental,

because the owners don't technically

know that I'm there, like.

You're squatting?

If you want to call it that.

Still...

I expect it's a nice house, though, is it?

It's not a house house exactly.

Flat?

Aquarium.

So, you're squatting in an aquarium?

That's about the size of it.

But it's a good aquarium, mind.

Got a shark.

Anyway, never fear,

Gorwel's ship's about to come in.

I've got a nice little trick up my sleeve.

License to print money.

10-1 on a white Christmas. 10 quid on.

If it snows tomorrow, hello!

I'm up 100 quid.

Have you considered this might be

why you're struggling?

All these harebrained schemes.

You call starting a car showroom

a harebrained scheme, do you, Huw?

I didn't know you did that.

Mm-hm. Me and a couple of boys

getting it started.

Where are the cars going to come from?

That's the only obstacle at the minute,

but we're well on the way

to getting a room.

You need more of a business plan, Gorwel.

Under this government...

Don't mention them in this house.

Under this government, people

with business sense are being rewarded.

Good business is making money at last.

Oh, yes! That's the Tories.

Good business is making money

and everyone else can go to hell.

Not for long, mind.

We're gonna get those flaming Tories out.

Just you wait till that election.

I'll be down there, voting them out.

I'll be down there,

standing up for the working man.

We'll show them that Joe Public

is not to be trifled with!

We'll all stand together!

But, Gorwel,

the election's already happened.

Has it?

Yes, it was in June.

The Conservatives won by a landslide.

Oh. Hmm.

I was unconscious for a couple

of days around then, Bren.

Must have passed me by, like.

Right! Well, you two

better get yourselves up to bed.

Make sure you get a good night's sleep.

Father Christmas only comes

when you're sleeping.

Why?

I didn't make the rules, Owen.

I just abide by them. Good night.

Boys.

- Good night, boys.

- Good night, boys.

After we went to bed,

Christmas Eve really got going.

Time for a bit of Max, I think.

We'd hear drinking and high spirits.

And then the sound of Max Boyce.

I could never really understand

who Max Boyce was

or why he shouted so much.

I assumed he was a PE teacher.

Oi! Oi!

It Sosban fach yn berwi ar y tan

Sosban fawr yn berwi ar y llawr...

Max Boyce!

Madhouse!

I never knew quite what to say

to Maurice.

And he never knew

quite what to say to me.

So we would mostly just

look at each other.

After four Or five hours of this,

it started to drag a bit.

Oi! Oi! Oi!

Seems pretty quiet up there.

Maybe they're getting

a good night's sleep.

No-o, they're thick as thieves,

those two.

If I know Maurice,

he'll be up to some mischief. Eh?

Do you think if you're blind,

you still have to have your eyes shut

for Father Christmas to come?

Bum!

Because of Uncle Gorwel's faith

that one day we'd have

a white Christmas,

he gave us sledges every year.

I had a cupboard full.

Obviously it would've been a better

present, if it had snowed, like.

Thank you anyway, Uncle Gorwel.

Hm. I feel like I should give you

something else, really.

Oh, don't be silly!

If either of you want my shirt...

Oh, Gorwel,

they'll be fine with the sledges.

I've got a ball here.

They'll be fine with the sledges,

Gorwel.

Right you are.

And for the lovely Brenda...

Years ago, Gorwel had made

cheese on toast for my parents,

and, to be polite, my mother

pretended she loved cheese,

even though she hated it.

She was still paying

for this mistake.

Cheeses Of Asia.

Getting closer to the full set.

Fantastic!

Thanks, Dad!

Yes, and while we wait ten years

for that to be set up,

welcome to the future.

What on earth is that

when it's at home?

This is the Sinclair Spectrum ZX.

This is the greatest computer of all-time.

What do you do with it?

You play games with it, that's what!

This is the big thing now. Look at him.

He's been wanting

one of these all year.

He's beside himself.

Anyway... I've got a load of games

to go with it.

There's Sublime Soccer.

We've got Mind-blowing Golf Challenge 3,

Space Invaders,

More Space Invaders,

Space Invaders Are Back,

Space Invaders Return Once More...

Persistent, aren't they,

the old Space Invaders?

Planning Permission.

"You get to play a civil servant.

"You'll have to read applications,

"process paperwork and make decisions

which will shape the future of your town."

Let's get this cranked up, shall we?

Hey, I was watching that!

- Sorry, what was it?

- Brookside on Channel 4.

Ah, I heard that most people

who watch Channel 4

are Marxist and homosexual.

What's it about, this Brooks/lie?

It's about a group of people

living in Liverpool

having all these problems.

You can see that any time. Let's get

the old Spectrum set up, then, eh?

Get ready to see the future.

Does it always take this long?

No. There must be wrong with

the speed of your television.

'Ere you are! It's doing something now.

Good! Come on!

Come on... Right!

OK, it's obviously a faulty tape.

Let's try Ultimate Fishing.

Right, then, while we're waiting,

shall we crack on with the game?

- Have we got two players?

- Stay where you are, Maurice.

Can't we just have a quick game,

and then...

then we'll go straight back

to the computer?

I will sue them for every penny.

They'll rue the day...

God help them if they ever

come to me for a carpet!

Right, then, Subbuteo.

How it's played is this,

you get 11 players each...

Mum!

You've got your five players each.

- Oh, Brenda!

- Well, who put those down there?

Little men on the floor.

What are we, the South Wales' Toys

and Collectibles Museum? Madhouse!

Psst!

I've still got that ball.

Arr...

Hm! Nice to hear them

having fun, isn't it?

Sometimes it's the simple things, eh?

Oh, my God! The computer's working!

Maurice!

Maurice!

Maurice, come in here

and play Planning Permission.

I think they're happy with the ball, Huw.

All right, I'll play, then.

I'll play the flippin' thing!

Press X to be

the local council official,

or Y to start off as the secretary.

X.

God rest you merry, gentlemen

Let nothing you dismay

Remember Christ our Saviour...

Christmas 1986,

and quite a lot had changed in our

neighbourhood in the past few years.

The miners had gone on strike

and stopped producing coal,

the nation was thrown into chaos.

Dad had gone on strike too for

a few days to show solidarity,

but as he was a traffic warden

people were mostly pretty pleased.

Right,

just turn it by 18 or 19 degrees.

I said 18 or 19. That's nearly 30.

I don't understand why we waited till

Christmas Eve to get the bloomin' thing.

Yeah? It's not you that has to

Hoover up its needles for 24 days.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes