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A Child's Christmases in Wales Page #5
- Year:
- 2009
- 59 min
- 106 Views
At one point
we were in his swimming pool,
I was on his Lilo -
shaped like a crocodile -
just like a normal person's Lilo.
He turned to me, Tom Jones...
I'm sorry to interrupt you, Huw,
but I think something
Oh...!
That's my gift to you, that is, Bren.
Oh!
It might be edible.
I look forward to tomorrow.
It might be the biggest
Stilton in Wales, like.
Gosh!
Anyway, I suppose the point
I'm trying to make about Tom Jones,
if I am trying to make a point
at all, is that, above all...
I won a competition
back in the '70s, Bren,
to spend a day with jimmy Savile.
He hardly compares to Tom Jones,
does he?
No.
Good. Right, well, the thing is...
He was running a marathon the week
after so we didn't get up to much.
A bit of circuit training, press-ups.
Oh, I don't think that was worth
interrupting me for, do you?
Oh, gosh, Maurice, you are getting tall.
Yes, he's had a terrific year
of growing. Very impressive year.
Obviously eating all his greens.
No, not just greens - all sorts.
I've had a lady in to cook.
Housekeeper?
...Girlfriend.
Maurice, put the tape on.
Come on, you big lump.
Where did you meet her?
Ah, put one or two...
You know, one or two
personal ads in the...
Been advertising in the lonely hearts,
have you, Huw?
They're called personal ads these days,
Gorwel.
Oh, are they? Right...
What did you put about yourself, Huw?
"Very rich, highly sexual man,
"Has a large workforce,
hires and fires at the drop of a hat.
"Knows Tom Jones
and has been on Jones's Lilo.
"Would like to meet a woman
with a high sense of hygiene."
Shush! It's starting.
I'll tell you later on.
Oggy. Oggy. Oggy!
Oi, oi, oi!
Oi, oi, oi!
Shush, Maurice.
He's going through one of those phases,
you know.
Listening to all this American music
and having thoughts.
A 'r gath
wedi sgrapo Joni bach oi oi of..
Sosban fach yn berwi ar y tn
Sosban fawr yn berwi ar y llawr
A'r gath wedi sgrapo Joni bach...
It didn't work out too well.
Sorry.
Looking back,
I wonder if I'm exaggerating
some of the things
Mum did around the house.
Either that, Or by this time
she was starting to get a bit...
well...
odd.
Number 30, the Rhyses'.
Ok, We Wish You A Merry Christmas. OK'?
Remember to smile.
One, two, three, four...
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas...
Blimey, they're here.
Where's the chequebook?
I tidied it.
Where is the... blasted thing?
I tidied it away.
You know, I'm sure things
in this house just...
sprout legs and walk away.
I might as well
And I wish they'd stop wishing us
a merry Christmas. Oh!
Ah. got it!
What's that flaming racket?!
They come every year.
You're normally too late to see them.
Oh, get rid of them, will you?
We're missing Max here.
- You can pause it.
- It wears the tape out.
Well, just stop it and start again.
It wears the tape out.
Well, can we just watch it another...?
For God's sake, man, think of the tape.
We won't go until we get some
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy New Year.
Very nice. Merry Christmas.
Now we're going to do some new stuff.
This is Mull of Kintyre.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
That's not a Christmas song.
We found the whole Christmas thing
a bit limiting.
We see ourselves more as a group
who outgrew the Christmas market.
This is our debut compact disc.
It's not out till next year,
but if you buy it off us now
it's 50p cheaper.
in there. Can I just...?
Well, if you're not interested
in the new stuff,
we'll leave you with one of
our classics - The Holly And The Ivy.
No, no, no! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!
The holly and the ivy
When they are both full grown
Of all the trees that are in the wood
- The holly bears the crown...
- What's he doing out there?
We're missing Max here.
I'm going to shut them up
myself in a minute!
- Yeah, yeah, you're all talk, you are.
- What's that, Huw?
You, you're all talk.
You're not going to do anything.
Here we go,
the traditional conversation, right.
"Gorwel never achieves anything."
"Gorwel had to sell some of his clothes
this year."
Leave him alone. Never mind.
No, you're right, Huw. I am all talk.
I'm just an idiot
who spends all his money
buying novelty cheeses
for his sister-in-law, like.
I never do anything.
Anything except this.
Gorwel!
...As red as any blood...
...And Mary bore...
That's enough, thank you.
- Bye-bye.
- Hey, what are you doing?
Someone's got to stop 'em.
Why can't it be Gorwel?
Where did you get that whistle from?
I carry it for situations like this.
Do you realise that disturbing
the peace is a crime?
Do you realise that singing badly
is a crime too?
- Do you know who you're talking to?
- Yes. I'm talking to you,
and quite frankly I've had just
about enough of your racket.
I'm trying to watch Max Boyce!
Who the hell wants to watch Max Boyce?
I'll give you one chance
to take that back, boy.
Is he even still alive?
You don't say that about Max.
You don't do that.
Oh!
Watch the Nativity!
Watch it!
- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
- Hold me back!
Hold me back!
Oh, my giddy aunt!
- Oh, can I go out?
- No.
Watch Max Boyce, please.
I don't understand the jokes.
I have never understood the jokes, but
you don't hear me complaining, do you?
It's all about the old days.
The 1970s is not the old days,
is it, Huw?
No.
Wales has gone soft.
It's gone soft, I tell you.
You can't punch anyone.
You can't kick a man's tambourine.
How much did you have to pay?
Because it was Christmas
they let me off with 50 quid bail, like.
Plus another 50
for four taxis to the hospital.
And 20 quid
to the tambourine bloke...
...for his tambourine.
And where are you going to find
that sort of money?
I got a little trick up my sleeve.
A little trick called not paying it.
- They'll catch up with you.
- I'll be all right.
The boys down the aquarium
will have me back, I'm sure of it.
I can lend you the money, Gorwel.
I can't take your money, Huw.
Oh.
OK.
Well...
thinking about it, I, er...
...I might be able to take it.
Right, well...
...offer's there.
The more I consider it, the more I feel
I could definitely... take the money.
Good.
Right.
Who's having a whisky?
any more, Gorwel.
I don't think so either...
...but here we go.
I couldn't work out
how Maurice had got so big
that he hardly fitted in the room.
Or how his hair had got like that.
might happen to me.
Still, we got along as well as usual.
Snow!
Snow!
Snow!
Gorwel Rhys has
Gorwel Rhys has
Gorwel Rhys has won a grand!
- Gorwel Rhys has won...
- A madhouse, this is.
...a grand!
I've won a grand!
Get down, Gorwel!
- I've won a grand! I've won a grand!
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"A Child's Christmases in Wales" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_child's_christmases_in_wales_1849>.
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