A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court Page #2

Hey, Sam.

Old Man Miller's

madder than a wet hen.

Said you promised to have

his pinto back by noon.

By George, I did!

Well, this'll have to wait

till later, kids.

Aw, gee!

Come on.

Everybody out.

See you in the mornin'.

7:
00 be too early?

[ All Shouting ]

Good, good.

All right, good-bye.

See you tomorrow!

Say, if that cat

spits up a spark plug,

it's mine.

- [ Thunderclap ]

- [ Whinnies ]

Whoa, Tex. Take it easy.

I don't blame you.

Looks like we're in

for a wet night.

[ Thunderclaps Continue]

Whoa, there.

Whoa!

[ Whinnying ]

Whoa, Tex!

Whoa!

Monster, will you battle?

Will I do what?

Will you joust?

Will you venture

a passage at arms?

Huh?

Up, dog!

[ Armor Screeches ]

Up, dog,

and defend thyself!.

Up, I say!

Look, old man,

I don't know where you got

that iron Union suit,

but Ive been up all night

and Im in no mood for jokes.

Here, Tex.

Here, Tex.

Stay where you are, monster!

I give warning:

Spit forth one flame of fire...

and I shall hack thee

limb from limb!

Here, now.

Skip. Go ahead.

Run along before

they come and get you.

Before they come?

Your keepers.

They should be here any minute.

Parley will gain thee not!

Dost admit defeat?

Look, I told you before,

Im in no mood--

Dost admit defeat?

Dost.

By all means, dost.

Forward, knave.

Thou art captive of my lance.

Ill play along

with you.

Hey, tell me, bub,

who art thou?

I hight

Sir Sagramore le Desirous,

Knight of the Round Table.

Howdy.

I hight Hank Martin.

Those turrets--

I've never seen them before,

That can't be Bridgeport,

Yonder, varlet, is Camelot,

Camelot?

Capital of

the kingdom of Britain--

residence in state

of King Arthur's Court.

King Arthur?

What year is this?

This is the year

of our Lord, 528.

Five hundred and twenty-eight?

I guess I owe you an apology,

brother. Im the guy

they're coming after.

Forward, knave.

Raise for Sir Sagramore!

Hold, monster.

Bind the prisoner.

Bind the prisoner!

Here, here. Whoa.

What's this?

Here, now,

there's been a mistake.

Get me a lawyer.

Where's the head fellow

here?

Forward, monster.

Where is the king?

in the Great Hall, sire.

Enough! To thy post.

Aye, sire.

[ Armor Screeches ]

Forward to the Great Hall.

[Fanfare ]

[ Orchestra ]

[ Sneezes ]

Oh, confound this castle.

it's a veritable cave of winds.

Somebody close the door.

The king speaketh.

Close the door!

[Man ]

Close the door!

[Man #2 ]

Close the door!

[Door Slams Shut ]

The door closeth.

When

is sometime

How many days

Until sometime

For my dreams make it clear

That my lover is near

And he ought

to be here about

Sometime

Who

is someone

Who is

this wonderful someone

Oh, Im keeping

my heartstrings

in tune

And hoping

That sometime

is soon

it is I,

Sir Sagramore!

[Armor Screeches ]

Cease thy speaking!

And thy babbling.

Who

is someone

Who is

this wonderful someone

Oh, Im keeping

my heartstrings

in tune

And hoping

That sometime

Is soon

Oh, Im hoping

That sometime

is soon

[Stops ]

Excellent, child.

You take after

my side of the family.

We were all fine singers

until my throat--

Thank you, my liege.

With Your Majesty's permission,

I have prepared

a song for the lute.

it's a simple thing--

Away, child.

if theres one thing

that curdles the appetite

of an already-addled stomach,

it's a lute solo.

Well, well, well, well,

well, well, well, well, well.

What other amusement

have we in store this day?

[ Screeches ]

Sorry, my liege.

Noble King,

I crave pardon for this

most unseemly intrusion,

but I have just returned

from capturing the fiercest...

of all human dragons.

Behold, the monster!

[Murmuring]

I'm a monster.

A weird-looking creature.

How camest thou by him?

'Tis a most wondrous tale,

my liege.

I fear were in for it.

My king,

ladies of the Royal Court,

fellow Knights

of the Round Table,

while riding

in a far land...

I came upon a concourse

of a thousand ogres.

And despite their numbers,

determined to capture the most

sky-towering giant among them--

Oh, here, now.

Wait a minute. I was alone.

I was asleep under a tree.

Cease, monster!

From dawn till dark

and dark till dawn, we battled.

With lance and sword,

I laid upon the demon throng...

till all were dead but one--

the fiercest ogre of them all,

when finally

I drove helm to corner,

He changed into a dragon,

bellowing fire

and flame upon me!

When that availed him naught,

he became a tusked

and taloned werewolf,

Oh, now, see here,

Your Majesty--

At last, the beast changed

to his present form,

and with one mighty bound...

leaped to the topmost

branch of a tree...

200 cubits high!

I picked up a stone,,,

the size of a bullock

and hurled it at the beast.

He fell to my feet.

And here, milord,

here is living proof...

of my mighty deed.

[Sparse Applause ]

I thank thee.

Your Majesty,

mayeth I sayeth a few words?

- in the first place--

- Silence, ogre!

What makest thou

of the creature, Merlin?

A most dangerous and evil demon.

The beast must be destroyed.

A hanging?

No,

Burning at the stake,

my liege.

Pardon, milord,

but the monster

seemeth a gentle soul.

Gentle?

He hath nice eyes,

and his features

are not unpleasant.

True, true.

Monster, has thou a name?

Hast. Martin.

Hank Martin.

The truth now.

How camest thou to this kingdom?

Well, Im a little confused

as to how I came here,

but I did come from Connecticut.

Hast heard of, uh,

what he just said?

Couldst be in Ireland.

Oh, no.

it's way past Ireland.

You lie. There's naught

beyond Ireland

but the Great Sea.

Trapped by his own words,

my liege.

An evil demon

confronts us, whose abode is

the dismal depths of the ocean.

Destroy this pestilence

e'er he destroy us!

Thou hast a good point,

Merlin.

[Man ] Death to the monster!

[All Shouting]

Quiet, quiet!

Oh, my ears.

Monster,

I have bad tidings for thee.

Tomorrow morning,

thou burnest at the stake.

Take him away.

Well, Your Majesty,

if I can just have a minute to--

Id like to explain this--

Wait a minute! Hey! Help!

Walt! Help!

[ Chattering]

'Tis said this monster

has seven heads.

Aye, and

a forked tail.

It is I, Sir Sagramore,

Open for Sir Sagramore,

[Door Closes ]

Well, what do you want now?

I have brought thee

a dainty tidbit

from the king's kitchen.

Roast meat.

At this point, roast meat

doesn't appeal to me.

When do I--

Within the hour.

How thou must hate me for

the mischief my foolish tongue

has caused thee.

You ought to be press agent

for Jack the Ripper.

An ogre, you called me.

Dragon, werewolf.

No wonder

they wanna get rid of me.

Cease.

I feel bad enough.

if there were aught

I could say, aught

I could do to save thee--

Well, ain't there aught?

Naught.

Wait!

Zounds! What an idea!

An idea?

Who hast condemned thee?

'Tis Merlin,

the maker of miracles.

What if thou

shouldst create a miracle?

What if thou shouldst prove

a greater sorcerer?

Doing what?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes