A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court Page #5

For instance, uh,

do you have a handkerchief?

A kerchief, sire?

A kerchief, yes.

You expecting a cold?

You take, uh--

You take It like this,

over there, over there,

and this up here.

Now we take our little gadget,

you see, and...

hook it up there.

There you are. See?

Amazing, sire.

isn't it, honey?

But to what purpose?

Huh? Oh.

[ Chuckles ]

To what purpose?

Well, in the south,

they call them Aunt Jemimas,

I think.

Now, you wanna get

the little gadget off there.

You just unlatch it like that.

There you are. Presto.

Safe, sound and simple,

isn't it?

it's a miracle.

Well, not exactly a miracle,

but certainly

a very handy little gadget.

[ Gasps ]

I didn't mean to scare you.

And that's not a miracle either.

That's just a little gadget

called a magnet,

based on an idea cooked up

by a fellow named Ben Franklin.

This is yours.

'Tis a handsome gift, sire,

but I cannot accept it.

it would not be honorable.

You should know this, sire.

Im betrothed to Sir Lancelot.

I did know.

But--

Please, honey,

let me do the talking.

Sandy, I haven't been around

here very long. There's a lot

of things I don't know--

how I got here,

how long Im gonna be here--

I do not comprehend.

Don't try to follow me.

Please. Just listen.

What Im getting at is this:

Would you consider

being betrothed to me?

But Sir Lancelot.

We'll get to him later.

Do you love him?

Lancelot is a wonderful man.

Brave, stalwart, handsome.

Do you love him?

A wife would be proud

of such a husband.

Do you love him?

No, Hank.

Hallelujah!

No, no. Thou must not.

'Tis most unseemly.

Why?

Dost thou not understand?

I am betrothed to Sir Lancelot.

I know. I know.

But when does he get back?

Perhaps a month.

Well, you leave

everything to me.

Ill handle old Lance.

But I fear for thee,

Hank.

Sir Lancelot's anger is

known to freeze the hearts

of the most courageous.

Sandy, don't worry.

Now, please.

Just toddle along home

to the castle.

But, Hank--

Don't you trust me, Sandy?

Yes, I trust thee,

Hank.

Good. Here.

You forgot something.

Ill see you later.

Okay, men, shove off.

Heave ho.

Departeth.

Forward!

[ Clanging]

Sir Boss?

Yeah?

I must warn thee.

What about? Did you get

the squeak out of there?

Methinks I have, sire.

Behold--

[ Loud Screech ]

Not entirely.

Not entirely.

But, sire,

I must warn thee.

Yeah?

Art occupied, blacksmith?

Have care, sire.

Yeah, okay.

Ill fix that in a minute.

I got a cash customer here.

Wait a minute.

What's on your mind, friend?

Death to a scurvy knave...

whom I shall find

before this day has ended.

Wouldst have an edge

on my weapon!

Yes, well, you came

to the right place, friend.

I guess you'd like

a little edge on the lance too,

wouldnt you?

Ill get it.

Well, don't stand there

fidgeting. Give me

a lift here. Come on.

By george, big fella,

you've got your dander

up today, havent you?

Hate to be the guy

you're looking for.

[ Screeches ]

in a minute.

in a minute.

This man has

urgent business here.

Somebody do you wrong?

A grievous wrong.

Well, I can tell.

When a fella's as mad

as you appear to be,

there's generally a woman

at the bottom of it, right?

Thou art wise, blacksmith.

Somebody stole

your gal, huh?

Naturally, you're gonna

take steps-- long steps.

I shall seek out

this interloper,

and be he the size

often giants...

and hath he the strength

and fury of a thousand lions,

I shall meet him upon

the field of honor

and thrust him through,,,

like an ox on a spit.

Ah, but the end

shall not come swiftly.

Mark you, the death

of this knave who calleth

himself Sir Boss...

shall become legend,

a warning to all,,,

who would covet

the betrothed of another,

I don't blame you.

if I was in your spot--

Did you say "Sir Boss?"

Aye, blacksmith.

A scourge on the dog.

Well, now--

[ Clears Throat ]

perhaps we ought to think

this over in the cool

of the evening.

We don't wanna be too hasty

about these things.

- What sayest thou?

- No offense, friend.

I just don't want you

to do something that

we'll both regret.

What wouldst suggest?

There are two sides

to every question.

I suggest you sit down

with this fella and

try and talk it over.

They tell me

he's a fine boy.

A message for thee, sire.

'Tis from the Lady Alisande.

it must be for you, friend.

No, Sir Lancelot.

'Tis for Sir Boss here.

[ Clanging]

Sir Boss!

"Beware. Lancelot cometh."

[ Chuckles ]

And here you are.

if you excuse me, I have

a couple of irons in the fire.

Wait!

I hurl the gauntlet

in thy face.

Good day, sire.

Good day.

Clarence, are you there?

[ Screeches ]

Aye. The die is cast.

Tomorrow you joust

with Sir Lancelot.

And the one who lives

shall become the betrothed

of Lady Alisande.

[ Sighs ]

I don't like the odds.

[ Fanfare ]

All right, we're here, Merlin.

Show us some blood.

Aye, blood.

Sir Boss's blood.

Anybody's blood!

I will hasten

the proceedings, my liege.

Fear not, my friend.

I have cast a magic spell

upon thy evil opponent.

I thank thee, Merlin.

I have no need

for casting of spells.

[ Chuckles ]

Be of good cheer, sire.

Perhaps couldst perform

a miracle.

Afraid not.

With all this stuff on

it slows up my thinking.

[Fanfare ]

What's that?

'Tis just a minor scuffle

between two hot-blooded youths.

Sir Gareth and Sir Persant

of Wales.

Oh. A preliminary, huh?

[Fanfare ]

[Loud Clanging]

What's going on?

They gatherth up

Sir Persant, sire.

[ Moaning ]

That's tough luck,

old boy.

But, sire, this man

is the winner.

Steady, sire.

Have confidence, milord.

Have courage.

Clarence, what a fella

will do for a girl.

if it wasn't for Sandy,

Id be on my way

to Connecticut right now.

Another rope, serfs.

Wait a minute.

I can't handle this.

This is awful.

Let's see. if I don't

go through with it,

Im a coward, huh?

if I do go through with it,

Im a dead hero.

isn't there

something in-between,

something conservative?

Nay, sire.

Nothing, eh?

[Neighing]

Tex!

Tex, milord?

Get to the king and

tell him Ive gotta have

a ten-minute postponement.

Tell him Ive gone for

a mustard plaster. Hurry up.

Aye, sire.

Oh-ho, you Tex.

[Fanfare ]

But he hath no armor,

my liege.

Well, it's not my fault.

What manner of lunacy

is this?

No lunacy at all, friend.

Your Majesty, is there anything

in the book of rules...

which says that

I have to do my scuffling

in all that scrap iron?

in truth, there is nothing

which so specifies.

Why don't we get started?

On with the--

On with the joust.

On with the joust.

[Man ]

On with the joust!

[Man #2 ]

On with the joust!

[Fanfare ]

[ Crowd Cheering]

[ Crowd Laughing]

I was there.

Where were you?

[ Crowd Laughing]

[ Crowd Laughing]

Get set for a fast turn, boy.

Come on, boy.

Let's trample him.

[ Shouting ]

[ Crowd Laughing]

A neat trick, Sir Boss.

Thou hast not only

won the fair maiden,

but given me the merriest

afternoon Ive had in years.

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