A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court Page #6

[ Sneezes ]

in years.

Thank you, sire.

You proud, honey?

Proud?

Proud of my part

in this unseemly spectacle?

Oh, after all--

Proud that thou hast made

a fool out of such

a noble gentleman?

Well, I won, didn't I?

What do you want me to do?

I want you to apologize

to Sir Lancelot.

Apologize?

Yes.

For what?

For insulting him.

What do you expect, me to be

killed like a gentleman?

in truth, thou art

no gentleman.

Wait. Where are you going?

I need to comfort

Sir Lancelot.

Well, after all, sire,

it's just the rules--

Hast thou not learned

there are no rules where

women are concerned?

Here, take this pill.

it will ease thy gripe.

[Banging]

Not too close, fellas.

Pray, sire, what art

thou contriving?

Just trying to keep busy,

keep out of trouble.

I think Ill let you fellas

in on a little secret.

See this gadget here?

That's a pistol.

These little gimmicks--

bullets.

Stand clear. Stay right there.

Ill show you how it works.

Suppose youre out

in the woods late one night...

and a big old wolf

all of a sudden pops up

in front of you.

You wouldn't be scared,

would ya?

Oh, no, you wouldn't.

Not even a little, sire?

No, sir, because you got

your trusty pistol with you.

All you do is just

hold it up like that,

pull back that hammer

like that, get all set, aim--

Where'd everybody go?

it's all right, fellas.

You can come out now.

The big bad wolf is dead.

Im sorry.

I didn't mean to scare you.

That's just a sample

of what's comin', fellas.

The world is gonna be

chock-full of miracles--

useful miracles...

like the printing press,

the sewing machine,

bathtubs.

Bathtubs?

Yeah.

[ With British Accent ]

You mean we're all

gonna have to take baths?

Every single Sat--

[ With British Accent ]

Every single Saturday, yes.

Greetings, milord.

Hi, Saggy.

That's all, fellas.

So long. See you tomorrow.

We've got big business here.

Good night, sire.

Good-bye.

She won't see me?

Rumor hath it that Lancelot

and Lady Alisande are

to be wed within the week.

But she's not in love with him.

She told me so herself.

Female paradox.

Well, this changes things.

There's an old saying in

Connecticut:
"When you got

to 'git', 'git."'

Thou wouldst leave Britain?

There's nothing to

hold me here now.

- Greetings,

O Mighty Sorcerer,

- [Hank] Hello,

What's on your mind, honey?

Come in.

'Tis-- 'Tis about my father.

What about your father?

He is sick

unto death, sire.

For three days now he

has lay in a bed growing

weaker and weaker.

Now, now. Has the doctor

been to see your father?

No, sire. No one.

They say he hath the plague.

The plague?

Be gone, child!

Clarence!

Please, Sir Boss.

Thou canst help him.

Thou art a mighty wizard.

We will pay you these coins,

and our pigs, we have two

of them, and a goat--

Im afraid you've got

me wrong. Im not, uh--

Where do you live, honey?

But, sire--

Wait here for me.

And don't be playing

around with that.

You might get hurt.

With this toy, sire?

Put it down!

Come along, honey.

Ridiculous that a mere trinket

should harm a grown man.

Ridiculous.

Utterly ridiculous.

Who is it?

A friend, ma'am.

A friend?

We have no friends.

Did you see the sign

outside?

None may enter this house

of pestilence.

Fly, stranger,

while there is yet time.

if its all right with you,

ma'am, Ill stay a while.

Stay then,

and bless you.

Your husband?

My husband.

Well, Ill be careful.

Ill try not to wake him.

That you will not,

for he is dead.

[ Sobbing ]

Cry if you will, child.

A month ago

this was our family--

a fine husband,

two strapping sons,

a daughter.

Now were alone.

Your sons,

are they dead too?

Not dead,

but better dead,

Years ago, the lord

of the manor planted certain

fruit trees on our farm.

'Twas his right.

His right?

'Tis the law, sire,

Some time ago

three of those trees

were found hewn down,

Our sons ran frightened

to report the crime.

And although they themselves

were innocent,

they were accused

of the crime.

Well, in His Lordship's

dungeon, there they lie.

And there they shall lie

and rot till they confess.

But such things can't be.

His Majesty wouldnt allow it.

Truly thou art a stranger.

[ Sobbing Continues ]

Cry, child.

Would I could cry

with you.

it's a masterpiece.

A masterpiece!

it needs

a touch of ermine.

Ermine and velvet?

'Twould clash, sire.

They wouldnt

be happy together.

I want ermine!

Oh, yes, sire.

Yes, certainly, sire.

Take it off.

Yes, sire. Certainly.

Ermine.

You shall have ermine.

[ Grunts ]

[ Sighs ]

More hot water.

[Man ]

More hot water!

[Man #2 ]

More hot water!

Hot water.

Hot water!

[Man #3 ]

Hot water,

[Man #4 ] Hot water!

Blasted incompetents.

They can't even keep

the water hot.

I don't how Ive survived

all these years.

Things are bad all over.

Why don't you get wise

to yourself? Get acquainted

with your people.

My people? But I see

my people every day.

I don't mean these musical

comedy personalities

around the palace.

I mean your subjects.

How do you suppose

they feel about you?

My boy, they love me.

On the morrow

I journey to London.

All along the way my subjects

will be bowing and smiling

and doffing their hats.

Did you ever happen to think

that underneath those smiles

they may be hating you?

- Hating me?

- That's the word.

But why?

Im a good king.

Good King Arthur

they call me.

it may surprise you to learn

that this country is crawling

with people who hate you.

Sick people, hungry people,

people who no longer hate you

because they're dead.

Why, sire, I can tell you--

Cease!

[ Groans ]

Oh, heavens, I am sick.

And it's all your fault.

Young man, I could have

you hanged for this.

But you won't.

'Cause I have a feeling

you believe me.

All these lies

about my subjects?

Are they lies?

I don't know.

I don't know.

What, with my ill health,

how could I know anything?

if you don't know, sire,

I suggest you find out.

Find out?

Yes,

We could make a trip

around the country.

Might open your eyes a little.

But... how 'bout my cold?

This could easily help your cold

and your country.

A miracle?

it could well be,

Your Majesty.

How worketh we

this miracle?

Well--

How does

it strike you, sire?

Well, as thou sayest,

it's a... cinch?

A cinch.

A cinch.

I postpone my official visit

to London.

Make the trip disguised as

a humble freeman with Clarence

and me along for good luck.

But dost think that any

humble garb can conceal

evidence of our royal blood?

it'll take a bit of doing,

but we'll handle it.

Till dawn, sire?

Till dawn.

Ill only be a minute, honey.

I just wanted to say so long.

So long?

Good-bye.

Thou art leaving?

in a few hours.

I see.

But I had to

tell you this.

I think you're doing

the right thing--

about Sir Lancelot, I mean,

Why, marrying me would be

a national disaster,

Disaster, sire?

This knight business,

I 'd-- I 'd be no good at it.

instead of gettin' on a horse

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