A Good Woman

When I was going through

my wardrobe

I found an extra hairpin

on the floor

That's nothing, I found

her hair in my bed.

Just another tragedy of

a down-and-out, I guess

For I'm selling

the thing

That means everything

to my life...

Some women

bring happines...

wherever they go.

Others, whenever they go.

I do both.

Husbands like to

see me come...

wives prefer to see

me go.

There she is.

That's her.

Whose husband didn't she

sleep with?

- Who's she with now?

- Who knows.

- She's older than I thought.

- Look. Watch.

This will teach her.

I'm sorry, Mrs Erlynne, but

that account was closed.

By Mrs Fairchild.

I wish you'd told me before

I ordered the Bordeaux.

What Bordeaux, Mrs Erlynne?

Joe, you're my kind of guy.

- Is she behind me?

- In the blue.

Charge it to Senator Kleghorn.

That's Mrs Kleghorn sitting

next to Mrs Fairchild.

- What a small world.

- And Mrs Winters on her right.

And getting smaller.

You wanna go out

the back?

No, if you go out the back, you'll

never come in the front, Joe.

A lady always leaves the

way she came.

I thought my husband

had more taste.

So sorry to hear you're

leaving us, Mrs Erlynne.

- I'm leaving you?

- I'll prepare your bill.

I ask you to

make me an offer

I don't know how much

it will bring

It isn't a lot...

but it's all I've got

Pooled by an old

gold ring?

It's known me as poor

as a beggar

And it's known me as

rich as a king

And it's known me in hell

And in heaven as well

Pooled by an

old gold ring?

My sudden change

in circumstance...

was not the only reason

for my departure.

The italian coast in summer

attracts the rich and famous.

I'm infamous and poor.

Close enough.

One door closes,

another opens.

Sometimes that door is

not the one you expect.

I saw my chance and

decided to take it.

Meg, dear. Come along.

Come along.

Ah, Giuseppina.

She's my friend.

Give her a discount.

Come here.

It's the best glove shop in the city.

She'll give you a good discount.

You go along, I'll find your

husband, don't worry.

This way, madam.

These are pretty.

- Your hand looks about right.

- I beg your pardon?

My little sister. She was

adamant about every detail but...

neglected to tell me the size.

Would you mind?

Oh, no, of course not.

It's always a little snug

the first time.

Maybe you should take

off your ring.

It's my wedding ring,

I never take it off.

The other hand, then.

No need to button it. You can see

it fits perfectly.

Lord Darlington,

you depraved man.

What have you been up to?

Ignore him, Meg, dear.

He's a great sinner.

But an excellent bridge partner.

Or I would never tolerate him.

- Do you know each other?

- The year I spent in the London office.

I told you about John.

But you've met.

- No. It's nice to meet you.

- It's a pleasure, Mrs Windemere.

Your wife was helping me select

gloves for my mother.

- Your sister, you said.

- Either one.

We should have dinner.

Where are you staying?

The Grand, but we're trying

to find a villa.

So late in the season.

I warned you.

I know one that's available.

Isn't it an election year in

the wild west?

Who says I'm running?

- It's perfect. It's beaultiful.

- Did I mention the ghost?

I feel like a princess

in a fairly tale.

You are a princess.

That's because I

married the prince.

I have her completely fooled,

poor girl.

If I could fool a woman as

pretty, I wouldn't be a bachelor.

- Now you've made her blush.

- Don't be silly.

Come and see the paintings.

Come on.

Good evening.

Lady Plymdale?

Oh, is she the one

with the big...

Feet. Enourmous feet.

Poor old Plymdale.

- Ace, Queen, King, Jack.

- No honours.

No, no, John's yacht,

John's rules.

- Have it.

- Thank you.

Huge feet. Pontoons.

If desire had an antidote, it would

be those pontoons of hers.

I grow ill thinking of then.

How many times have you

been divorced, Tuppy?

- Three, four? I've simply lost count.

- That's bigamy.

Bigamy is having one wife

too many.

So is monogamy

One should always have a proper

basis for marriage. A mutual...

- Misunderstanding?

- Exactly.

A man can't be happy

with one woman.

A man can be happy with any woman.

As long as he doesn't love her.

For a man who's never thought

of getting married...

you seem to know an awful

lot about it.

I've thought very seriously of marrying.

That's why I'm still single.

Hear, hear.

I just haven't met the right woman.

Look at Cecil, still with Edna.

One keeps one's eyes wide open

before the wedding...

and half shut after.

- That's all there is to it.

- Exactly.

I fancy raising the stakes.

Oh, lucky blighter!

You don't look as if

you're enjoying yourself.

Oh, I am. It's a very

nice party.

- Can I get you a drink?

- No, thank you. I don't drink.

You don't drink?

- Do I seem like a prig?

- No, of course not.

- It's the way I was raised.

- In a convent?

By my Aunt Julia.

My father's sister.

My mother died when I

was very little.

It's the only picture I

have of her.

My father never remarried.

She's every bit as beaultiful

as her daughter.

Have I offended you?

I meant it as a compliment.

- You pay me too many compliments.

- I'll stop at once.

- Thank you.

- Just so you know, I meant every one.

You pretend to be bad, but...

- you're not really.

- There is no good or bad.

People are either charming

or tedious.

If I've been the latter,

I sincerely apologize.

- I'd like us to become friends.

- We already are, aren't we?

Not if you keep flattering me and

paying me silly compliments.

Define silly.

I want your word.

I find the best way to keep my

word is never to give it.

It's always a pleasure

to see a pretty woman.

Good day.

It has to be something

really special...

My wife's birthday.

This is a very special

object.

What do you think?

The sapphire matches your eyes.

It's for my wife.

A man should never buy his

wife jewellery.

And why is that?

It makes her wonder what

he bought his mistress.

My wife has nothing to

wonder about.

She's a lucky woman.

If I was your wife...

- this is what I'd want.

- A fan?

Not for stirring the air,

for stirring the heart.

For centuries...

an erotic language between

men an women.

If a woman placed it on her breast

like this, it meant "I love you".

"When can I see you?"

"Wait for me."

"You may kiss me."

"We're being watched."

I'm sold.

How much?

No, it's not for sale.

Not for sale.

It would break my

mom's heart.

My mama.

Real gold.

If you give him everything, who's

going to buy me an espresso?

My back.

And Americans everywhere.

You'd never know there was a

depression in that country.

Please, something to drink

before I faint.

They don't shop, they pillage.

And they speak loudly.

Could the entire nation be

hard of hearing?

Something in the diet, perhaps?

But we have American

friends, mama.

They don't need to know what

we say about them.

If everyone knew what everyone

said of each other...

there wouldn't be four friends

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