A Hard Day's Night Page #18

INTERIOR MAKE UP ROOM

A smallish room with a line of chairs facing a wall mirror

and a long table. Each place is clearly marked and above

each mirror a girl's name: Betty, Angela, Deirdre, Jenny.

SHAKE and GRANDFATHER are sitting in splendid isolation.

They are staring each other out.

SHAKE:

You blinked!

GRANDFATHER:

I never did, you did.

The BOYS enter.

SHAKE:

Hello, he's not talking to me. He's

having a sulk.

GEORGE:

Well, it must be catching. He's given

it to the champ here.

He indicates RINGO who ignores him.

NORM:

Stop picking on him.

RINGO:

I don't need you to defend me, y'know,

Norm.

JOHN:

Leave him alone, he's got swine fever.

NORM:

Sit down, the lot of you.

At this moment several actors come into the room. They are

all dressed in the uniform of officers in Wellington's army.

Together with the boys they sit down, Beatles and soldiers

all mixed up.

Now a group of several pretty make-up girls make an entrance

and the boys herald their arrival with a chorus of "aye aye's"

and wolf whistles. JOHN meanwhile has helped himself to a

big beard and the other lads are generally messing about

with assorted make-up things.

HEAD MAKE UP GIRL

Oh, this is impossible! We'll never

get you all done in time.

ACTOR:

Well, you'll just have to do us

first... It makes no difference to

them whether they're made up or not.

(sees John with beard)

And who's me, then?

JOHN:

(charmingly)

My name's Betty...

(pointing to the name

on the mirror)

Do you want a punch up your frogged

tunic?

NORM fights his way to JOHN.

NORM:

Now listen, John, behave yourself or

I'll murder you and, Shake, take

that wig off, it suits you.

SHAKE has a long blond girl's wig on. With the assistance of

the girls, NORM gets the boys seated into the chairs nearest

the door. For some reason RINGO now has a Guardsman's busby

wedged down almost over his eyes and is sitting with it under

a hair drier, reading a copy of "Queen" Magazine.

NORM:

(to Ringo)

What do you think are you're up to?

RINGO:

Someone put it on me.

JOHN:

Excuses, that's all we get and you

know you fancy yourself in the

Coldstreams.

The GIRLS now move in and put make up bibs on the BOYS and

start to powder them off.

JOHN:

You won't interfere with the basic

rugged concept of my personality,

will you, girl?

PAUL:

Eh, don't take out me lines.

GEORGE:

Yeah, they give him that "Je ne sais

quoi" rakish air.

The lads laugh with pleasure.

RINGO decides to try a little joke.

RINGO:

(indicating the busby

he is still wearing)

Short back and sides, please.

The other look at him with mock disgust.

PAUL:

Behave...

JOHN:

Foreign devil ...

GEORGE:

Control yourself...

GRANDFATHER has been watching the powdering process.

GRANDFATHER:

In my considered opinion you're a

bunch of sissies.

JOHN grabs a powder puff from his girl.

JOHN:

You know you're only jealous!

And dabs the old man liberally with the powder much to

GRANDFATHER's annoyance.

NORM:

Leave him alone, Lennon, or I'll

tell them all the truth about you.

JOHN:

You wouldn't!

NORM:

I would though.

NORM goes out.

PAUL:

What's he know?

JOHN:

Nothing, he's trying to brainwash me

and give me personality doubts...

oh, he's a swine but a clever swine,

mind.

GRANDFATHER:

(impatiently)

Lookit, I thought I was supposed to

be getting a change of scenery and

so far I've seen a train and a room,

a car and a room and a room and a

room. Well, that's maybe all right

for a bunch of powdered gee-gaws

like you lot but I'm feeling decidedly

strait-jacketed. This is no life for

a free-booting agent of my stamp.

I'm a frustrated man and that class

of McCartney is a dangerous McCartney.

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