A Hard Day's Night Page #2

GEORGE:

A butcher?

PAUL:

Yeah, she was fickle.

JOHN:

Aye and fond of fresh meat and all.

PAUL:

(seriously)

No... it was his sweetbreads. She

was dead kinky for sweetbreads.

Anyroad, me mother thought it'ud

give him a change of scenery, like.

JOHN:

Oh, I see.

He inspects GRANDFATHER carefully.

JOHN:

(to PAUL)

Eh, he's a nice old man, isn't he?

PAUL:

Oh yeah, he's very clean, y'know.

They all agree with PAUL.

JOHN has been examining GRANDFATHER. He now leans forward to

him.

JOHN:

(in an over-friendly

voice)

Hello, Grandfather!

GRANDFATHER:

Hello.

JOHN:

(delightedly)

He can talk then?

PAUL:

(indignantly)

Course he can talk. He's a human

being, like. Isn't he?

RINGO:

(grinning)

Well... if he's your Grandfather,

who knows?

The lads all laugh.

JOHN:

And we're looking after him, are we?

GRANDFATHER:

I'll look after meself.

PAUL:

Aye, that's what I'm afraid of!

JOHN:

He's got you worried, then?

PAUL:

Him, he costs you a fortune in breach

of promise cases. He's a villain and

a right mixer as well.

GEORGE:

(disbelieving)

Gerron.

PAUL:

No, straight up.

GRANDFATHER:

The lad's given you the simple truth.

I'm cursed wid irresistible charm,

I'm too attractive to be let loose.

At this moment, SHAKE, a tall man who works with the BOYS,

pulls open the door of the compartment.

SHAKE:

You got on all right then?

BOYS:

Hi, Shake.

SHAKE:

We're here. Norm'll be along in a

mo' with the tickets.

He sees GRANDFATHER.

SHAKE:

Morning!

(whispers)

Who's that little old man?

GEORGE:

It's Paul's grandfather.

SHAKE:

Oh aye, but I thought...

JOHN:

(cutting in)

No, that's his other one.

SHAKE:

That's all right then.

JOHN:

(displaying Grandfather)

Clean though, isn't he?

SHAKE:

Oh yes, he's clean all right.

NORM the road manager appears behind SHAKE.

NORM:

Morning, lads.

BOYS:

Morning... Hi, Norm.

NORM:

(checking them quickly)

Well, thank God you're all got here.

Now, listen, I've had this marvellous

idea... now just for a change, let's

all behave like ordinary responsible

citizens. Let's not cause any trouble,

pull any strokes or do anything I'm

going to be sorry for, especially

tomorrow at the television theatre,

because...

He looks sharply at JOHN who is polishing his nails.

NORM:

Are you listening to me, Lennon?

JOHN:

(off-hand)

You're a swine, isn't he George?

GEORGE:

(disinterested)

Yeah... a swine.

NORM:

(just as indifferent)

Thanks...

He sees the GRANDFATHER.

NORM:

Eh...

BOYS IN CHORUS:

...Who's that little old man?

NORM:

Well, who is he?

RINGO:

He belongs to Paul.

NORM:

(accepting the

situation)

Ah well, there you go. Look, I'm

going down the diner for a cup of

coffee, are you coming?

PAUL:

We'll follow you down.

GRANDFATHER rises.

GRANDFATHER:

I want me coffee.

NORM:

He can come with Shake and me if you

like.

PAUL:

Well, look after him. I don't want

to find you've lost him.

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