A Hard Day's Night Page #4

GRANDFATHER:

(To NORM slyly)

They always say that.

NORM:

Yeah, well I got me eye on you.

SHAKE:

I'm sorry Norm, but I can't help

being taller than you.

NORM:

Well, you don't have to rub me nose

in it. I've a good mind to...

(he is about to thump

SHAKE.)

JOHN:

(enjoying himself)

If you're going to have a barney

I'll hold your coats.

NORM:

He started it.

SHAKE:

No, I didn't you did...

GEORGE:

Well, what happened?

SHAKE:

The old fella wanted these pictures

and Norm said he couldn't have 'em,

all I said was 'aw go on, be big

about it.'

PAUL:

And?

NORM:

Your Grandfather pointed out Shake

was always being taller than me just

to spite me.

PAUL:

I knew it, he started it, I should

have known.

NORM:

Y'what?

PAUL:

You two have never had a quarrel in

your life and in two minutes flat

he's got you at it. He's a king mixer.

Adam and Eve, meet the serpent.

Anthony and Cleopatra, there's your

asp. Divide and Conquer, that's this

one's motto. He hates group unity so

he gets everyone at it.

The BOYS, i.e., JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO, look at each other

then at PAUL.

PAUL:

Aye and we'll have to watch it and

all.

GEORGE:

I suggest you just give him the photos

and have done with it.

NORM:

You're right. Here you are, old devil.

SHAKE and NORM leave. GRANDFATHER grins triumphantly and

collects them, then with a sweet smile he turns to PAUL.

GRANDFATHER:

Would you ever sign this one for us,

Pauly?

PAUL does so automatically but in the middle of signing he

gets suspicious. GRANDFATHER smiles at him charmingly so

PAUL finishes signing.

JOHN:

Come on let's get this coffee.

GRANDFATHER:

Before you go, I think it's only

fair to warn you about me Grandson...

don't let our Paul have his own way

all the time, 'cos if you do he won't

respect you!

JOHN, RINGO and GEORGE take this up straight away. They all

pretend to be girls, RINGO jumps into PAUL's arms.

GEORGE:

(coyly)

Oh, Paul, you can't have your own

way!!!

JOHN:

(invitingly, in a

Marlene Dietrich

voice)

If I let you have your own way, you

little rascal, will you respect me?

PAUL:

(choked)

I'll murder you, Grandfather!

JOHN waltzes PAUL down to an empty table and the lads sit

down.

GEORGE:

Eh, look at that talent.

They all gaze across the aisle. From their P.O.V. we see two

very attractive young girls, RITA and JEAN, having coffee.

JOHN:

Give 'em a pull.

PAUL:

Shall I?

GEORGE:

Aye, but don't rush. None of your

five bar gate jumps and over sort of

stuff.

PAUL:

Now what's that supposed to mean?

GEORGE:

(grinning)

I don't really know, but it sounded

distinguished, like, didn't it?

JOHN:

George Harrison, The Scouse of

Distinction.

We follow PAUL as he crosses over to the two girls. He places

a bowler on his head.

PAUL:

(in posh accent)

Excuse me, but these young men I'm

sitting with wondered if two of us

could join you; I'd ask you meself

only I'm shy.

The two girls giggle together.

JOHN and GEORGE are about to move over when GRANDFATHER

suddenly appears by their sides.

GRANDFATHER:

(sternly)

I'm sorry, miss, but you mustn't

fraternise with my prisoners.

JEAN:

Prisoners!!

GRANDFATHER:

Convicts in transit to Wormwood

Scrubs. Typical old lags, the lot of

'em.

THE BOYS:

Y'what!!!

GRANDFATHER:

Quiet, you lot, or I'll give you a

touch of me truncheon.

(He points at Ringo)

That little one's the worst. If we

don't keep him on tablets he has

fits.

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