A Knight's Tale Page #3

...I give to you|the Seeker of Serenity...

...Protector of Italian Virginity...

...the Enforcer of our Lord God,|the one, the only...

...Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein!

Thank you! Thank you!|I'll be here all week.

That was different.

It's time we celebrated|our differences.

Just maybe not in public.

Yes, I'm well aware|a good fonging is on the way.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I got their attention.|You win their hearts.

Very good.

- Was she watching? Geoff.|- What?

- Did she see me?|- Yes, she did.

- Did she see me take the hit?|- Yes.

- Was she concerned?|- Her eyes welled up. Just awful.

Colville has perfect technique.|I've never seen him before.

Nor I.

But this Lichtenstein.

His technique, rudimentary.|Style, nonexistent.

Still, he's fearless.

Fearless? How so?

The slit in the visor is narrow,|but splinters can penetrate it.

Most knights raise their chins|at the last instant.

You lose sight of your opponent, but|protect your eyes. Ulrich doesn't.

He keeps his eye on the target.

A true hunter.

Sir Ulrich...

...I'm through.

But I've never not finished before.

I wish to keep my honor intact.

A draw. And Colville is hurt.

Colville withdraws. Ulrich advances.

Why didn't Ulrich finish him?

He shows mercy.

Then he shows his weakness.|That's all mercy is.

For the love of victory, William,|go to sleep.

I can't.

Love has given me wings,|so I must fly.

I can't explain it.

- She makes me feel like a poet.|- You may feel like a poet...

...but you sound like an idiot.

- You don't even know her name.|- Her name?

Her name is Aphrodite.

Calypso. Venus. Take your pick.

Women weaken the heart.

Without your heart, you cannot win.

- But her eyes--|- Concentrate.

Tansy cakes!

Count Adhemar sends word.

He said he will win|this tournament for you.

He's won many. He wins them|for himself and his own honor.

It's nothing to say|he wins them for me.

He wishes to speak to you again.

Not to hear a word I say.

Adhemar wants his women silent.

Would you have Sir Ulrich|win the tournament for you?

No.

And he is the only knight|who has not promised to do so.

Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein.

I would have him win my heart.

Adhemar! Adhemar! Adhemar!

Oh, lovely.

I don't think I've ever seen|Count Adhemar lose.

No, but defeat him|and you'll see it firsthand.

My liege.

Sir Ulrich.

Christiana.

- My lady bids you wear this token.|- Of course.

She also said to tell you, her name...

...is Jocelyn.

- Au revoir.|- Au revoir.

Oh, Jocelyn.

Concentrate.

I can't breathe.

No style whatsoever.

But neither has an anvil.

- He hits like a hammer. Amazing.|- But not perfect. He aims high.

Roll your shoulder back,|his blow may go right.

But if he strikes to my left,|I'll be obliterated.

I didn't say it wasn't a gamble.

Ulrich! Ulrich! Ulrich! Ulrich!

William?

William, here.

Come here.

Someday I'll be a knight.

A thatcher's son? A knight?

You might as well try|to change the stars.

Can it be done, Father?

- Can a man change the stars?|- Yes, William.

If he believes enough,|a man can do anything.

Come here.

Gain more bearing, Ulrich.

See me again when you're worthy.

I'll fong you in the arse!

Well done, my lord! Well done.

- You bastard!|- Go and see to Ulrich.

Go see to Ulrich.

Well done, my lord.

A noble victory.

My lady, I believe this is yours.

For long spear on foot...

...Pandolfo Malatesta.

For sword on foot,|Ulrich von Lichtenstein.

Finally, for the mounted joust|and tournament champion...

...Adhemar, Count of Anjou.

Adhemar! Adhemar! Adhemar!

I present to you your champions.

Next time, you will look up|at me from the flat of your back.

Please. You have been weighed,|you have been measured...

Keep winning the sword.

- I won't compete in it.|- It's your best.

No. It's tournament champion|or nothing at all.

Ten florins. That should do.

Sixes and sevens tonight, Chaucer.|Do you feel lucky?

- Have you enough clothes?|- Be gone. I'm done with you.

Except to exact my revenge.

What on earth could you|possibly do to us?

I will eviscerate you in fiction.

Every last pimple,|every last character flaw.

I was naked for a day.|You will be naked for eternity.

I have a feeling we shall meet again.

Here, farris, take what we owe you.

The armor you wear, it wasn't|made for you, was it?

So?

I could make armor you wouldn't|even know you wore it.

What's the cost?

Just take me as far as Paris.

We travel alone.|Take your gold and go.

- Get what you can. Let's pack.|- Why are we leaving so soon?

The next tournament is in a week.|We can walk now and save the horse.

You must go to the banquet.|You'll dance and make an appearance.

Let Adhemar laugh at me again?|No!

- Yes!|- No!

My lady would know the color|of your lord's tunic tonight.

- His tunic?|- Yes, so she can dress to match him.

We regret to inform your lady|he won't be attending--

- Herald, do not give my answers!|- Yes, my lord.

Squire, answer her.

What color is my tunic tonight?

Green.

Trimmed in a kind of...

...pale green...

...with...

...uh, wooden toggles.

I will tell my lady.

- This is a disaster!|- No, it'll tunic up quite nicely.

That's not a disaster, Roland.

I don't know how to dance.

And one and two and three and four.

Your hand should be light,|like a birdie on a branch.

And one, two and three and four.

And Wat doesn't lead,|he follows like a girl.

And one and two and...

...twirly, twirly, twirly.

And one and two, and you're|still getting it wrong.

And one and two|and three and four.

You can hit me all day|because you punch like a what?

A girl.

- Enough!|- Get back! Wat, quiet!

- He starts it.|- You know he's touchy!

Oh, and you can do better?

- Of course.|- Then show us.

No.

If I'm making all this effort,|you'd best ask her nicely.

I'm sorry, Kate.

I was wondering if you'd care|to show us how to dance.

- Please.|- Please.

And one and two, three and four.

Five, six, seven, change partners.

And one, two, three, four...

...five, six, seven.

Polonaise. And one....

Are you wearing your hair like that?

Is there another way?

Sir Ulrich, you look fantastic.

Jocelyn, you look....

Uh, you...

...remind me of the Bible.

When God stopped the sun to give|Joshua time to defeat the Amorites.

I don't understand.

If I could ask God one thing...

...it would be to stop the moon.

Stop the moon and make this night...

...and your beauty...

...last forever.

What dance will you have? A coranto?

Or a basse dance?

Sir Ulrich.

Why don't you show us a dance|of your country?

Show us a dance of Gelderland.

Yes. Gelderland.

Well, it's a lot like the farandole...

...but with some differences.

Well, you bow.

And...

...and....

Places. Places.

What?

- I don't know. Too small, too light.|- He'll be crushed. Killed.

No. I found a new way to heat steel.|It's thinner, smaller...

...but just as strong.

What are these?

The marks of my trade should|another knight admire the armor.

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