A Midsummer's Fantasia Page #3

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AT STOPLIGHTS:

AND TAKE YOUR CAR AWAY.

I SAW IT ON 20/20.

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL I THE MOTOR CITY.

MAYBE YOU COULD:

HIRE A LAWYER:

AND LEGALLY:

EMANCIPATE YOURSELF.

YOU CAN STAY WITH ME.

I'LL ASK MY MOM.

Robe:
YEAH.

MY DAD'LL GIVE YOU

A JOB HERE:

AT THE JUNKYARD.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

NICE TRY, GUYS.

YOU KNOW WHAT? FACE IT,

I'VE BEEN--I'VE BEEN FOGED.

[BRAKES SCREECH]

[GASPS]

UHH.

WE MEET AGAIN, PAPERBOY.

[EVIL LAUGHTER]

Max:
OK.

EVIL ICE CREAM MAN, ME.

YOU'RE WONDERING WHY,

RIGHT?

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

Max:
UNHH!

AHH!

[ICE CREAM MAN STAMMERS]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

Max:
WELL, I ONCE

FOUND A COCKROACH

IN MY SNOW CONE.

MY MOM CALLED:

THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT,

AND HE GOT NAILED.

HE'S BEEN TRYING

TO NAIL ME EVER SINCE.

[SIREN BLARING]

DRAT! THE FUZZ!

THIS ISN'T OVER, PAPERBOY!

[RADIO SQUAWKS]

HELLO, OFFICER.

SNOW DOODLE?

Boy:
HEY, LOOK,

IT'S DUMPSTER BOY.

IT'S REEKY STINKO,

THE GARBAGE KID.

[KIDS LAUGH]

Robe:
HA, REEKY STINKO.

HE JUST MADE THAT UP.

NOW, THAT'S GOOD.

Megan:
HEY, MAX,

CHECK IT OUT.

I MADE UP:

SOME FLYERS:

TO HELP SAVE:

THE ANIMAL SHELTER.

I THOUGHT MAYBE:

YOU AND I COULD PUT 'EM

UP AROUND SCHOOL?

Max:
WHY BOTHER?

A FLYER'S NOT GONNA

MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.

HE DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

COVER ME.

I'M GOING IN.

Jindraike:
AAAH.

HE MOVES, HE FAKES.

RANGOON, THINK FAST.

[SHATTERING]

NICE HANDS.

NOW, PICK UP THE BALL

AND PUT IT IN THE CASE.

IT'S FROM KNEBWORTH'S

CITY CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.

I'M GOING

ON MY WALKABOUT.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

MRS. RANGOON,

WHAT'S THIS?

SOME OF THE KIDS

ARE TRYING TO SAVE

THE ANIMAL SHELTER

DOWN THE STREET.

KIDS? WHAT KIDS?

YOU KNOW, THE ONES

WITH THE SENSE OF CARING

AND CIVIC DUTY.

YOU THERE. CEASE!

WHAT IS THE MEANING

OF THIS?

HEY, I DIDN'T DO THAT.

SO YOU WANT TO SAVE

THE FILTHY:

LITTLE BEASTS, EH?

PERHAPS YOU WANT ME TO

GIVE THE ANIMALS MY CAR?

DO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE

MY CAR TO THE SMELLY GOAT?

GOATS...DON'T DRIVE, SIR.

I DON'T CARE WHA YOU WANT ME TO DO.

THE SMELLY GOA WILL NEVER GET MY CAR.

EVER.

THE ANIMALS:

HAVE NOWHERE TO GO.

SOME CREEP'S

CLOSING DOWN THE SHELTER.

I'M CLOSING DOWN

THE SHELTER, SILLY...

BOY.

[STAMMERS] WHAT?

ALL I NEED NOW IS

THE RIGHT BULLDOZER.

I'M THINKING

BIG AND YELLOW.

WHERE DID YOU THINK

I WAS GOING TO BUILD

KNEBWORTH STADIUM,

IN YOUR HOUSE? HA HA.

YOUR HOUSE.

THAT'S RICH.

THERE WOULDN'T BE ROOM.

[SPRAYS]

WHOA.

BETTER WATCH OU FOR THE KING OF THE HILL

HE'S REALLY BAD

AND TOTALLY CHILL

BETTER WATCH OU FOR THE KING OF THE HILL

Kids:
FREAK WITH ROBE?

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

HIT THE SHOWERS.

[SIGHS]

COME ON, LADIES.

[GASPS AND MOANS]

HELLO, FREAK.

Robe:
LET ME OUT!

[LAUGHTER]

COME ON, LET ME OUT!

WHAT'S GOING ON, HUH?

McGINTY'S LATEST VICTIM.

YOU GOTTA CHECK THIS OUT.

HA HA HA.

Robe:
LET ME OUT!

COME ON!

LET ME OUT!

MAN.

COME ON, LET ME OUT.

ALL RIGHT, OK.

COME ON, MAX.

OK. IT'S OK.

[GROANS]

HE'S A LITTLE

CLAUSTROPHOBIC,

SO HE MIGHT--

[ROBE RETCHES]

[VOMIT SPLASHES, CROWD GROANS]

HURL.

[CROWD GROANS]

WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY

GOOD CHILI OMELET.

[GROANING]

LET ME CHECK:

THE LATEST RATES.

[BEEPS]

Dobbs:
THAT'S $3.00

FOR NUMBER ONE,

AND $5.00

FOR NUMBER TWO.

I HAVE A BLADDER PROBLEM.

SORRY TO HEAR IT.

McGinty:
KEEBLE.

GET OFF ME!

I WORKED REALLY HARD

ON THAT DISPLAY.

EXCUSE ME.

NEW CUSTOMERS.

Dobbs:
CAN I HELP YOU,

GENTLEMEN?

NO THANKS.

KEEBLE, SHUT UP.

YUCCH.

HOW MUCH:

FOR A SWIRLIE?

TAKE STALL NUMBER 4.

NO, NO.

COME ON, TROY.

NO CHARGE.

THANKS, MAN.

[GRUNTS] CAN WE TALK

ABOUT THIS, RIGHT?

I'M GONNA GE MY HAIR WET.

COME ON, TROY!

OW! COME ON!

[FLUSHING]

WATER.

A RECURRING GEOGRAPHICAL

FEATURE WHICH ALLOWS

A CIVILIZED SOCIETY

TO DEVELOP.

FOR EXAMPLE,

RIVERS, SPRINGS...

MR. KEEBLE?

YOU'RE TARDY,

AND YOU'RE DRIPPING.

I HAVE RULES AGAINST BOTH.

NOW, CLASS, ANOTHER

FEATURE WHICH ALLOWS

A CIVILIZED SOCIETY TO

DEVELOP IS A CODE OF RULES.

WITHOUT RULES, SOCIETY

WOULD COMPLETELY COLLAPSE.

DO YOU AGREE WITH

THAT STATEMENT, MR. KEEBLE?

I GUESS SO.

I GUESS YOU'LL WRITE ME

A 2,000-WORD ESSAY

ON THE SUBJECT.

[MURMURING AND LAUGHING]

[GASPS]

THAT'S NOT FAIR!

WHICH I WILL LOOK FORWARD

TO SEEING ON MY DESK

DRIP-DRY FRIDAY!

THIS FRIDAY?

THIS FRIDAY!

[IDEA BELL JINGLES]

Max:
WAIT.

FRIDAY WAS THE DAY

I WAS MOVING,

AND THIS TEACHER

WAS MEAN.

SHE LET DOBBS:

STEAL MY MONEY.

SHE WANTED TO PUNISH ME

WHEN IT WASN'T MY FAULT.

BUT IF I WASN' GONNA BE HERE,

WHAT COULD SHE REALLY

DO TO ME, RIGHT?

IT WAS TIME:

TO TAKE A STAND.

HOW COME I CAN' DO THE ESSAY

RIGHT NOW?

NOW, CLASS...

[GASPS]

MMM. THAT'S GOOD.

[APPLE BANGS, KIDS LAUGH]

Max:

A CIVILIZED SOCIETY

DOES NEED:

A SET OF RULES.

OTHERWISE,

PEOPLE COULD DO THIS.

OOPS.

[GASPS]

DID I SAY 2,000 WORDS?

MAKE THAT 4,000!

OR...THIS.

[CLASS GASPING]

MAKE THAT 8,000 WORDS,

AND TAKE YOUR SEAT NOW!

8,000 WORDS?

THAT'S KID STUFF.

HOW 'BOUT 12,000 WORDS?

DO I HEAR 12,000 WORDS,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?

Together:

12,000 WORDS!

SOLD! 12,000 WORDS!

GET OFF MY DESK!

OKEE-DAY.

Mrs. Talia:
OHHH.

YOU'RE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE,

MR. KEEBLE.

[KIDS LAUGH]

YEAH:

SEE YA.

HELLO, SWEETHEART.

Max:
NO CONSEQUENCES.

I COULD DO ANYTHING

I WANTED.

EXCUSE ME.

WHERE DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE GOING?

IF YOU'RE EVER

IN THE WINDY CITY,

LOOK ME UP.

Max:
AND NOW, ALL THE PEOPLE

WHO HAD TRIED TO RUN US DOWN,

MESS US UP,

PUSH US AROUND,

WERE IN:

FOR A LITTLE SURPRISE.

TOLD YOU IT WAS GONNA

HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER.

DIDN'T I?

YES, I DID. YES, I DID.

WAIT, SEE

I DO WHATEVER MOVES ME

I'M CLOSING DOWN

THE SHELTER.

Ms. Dingman:
PHEROMONES--

NATURE'S DATING SERVICE.

I KEEP MY MONEY:

IN A PIGGY BANK.

IT JUST LOOKS LIKE YOU.

Max:
AFTER ALL,

I HAD TO DO SOMETHING

ABOUT THE BOYS.

ALL I NEEDED WAS

A LITTLE BIT OF HELP.

Max:
BECAUSE I'M

OUTTA HERE IN 2 DAYS.

DON'T YOU SEE?

THIS ISN'T JUST A PLAN.

IT'S--IT'S

A PLANETARIUM.

LOOK, I'M GONNA BE

THE ONE THEY COME AFTER,

BUT I'M NO GONNA BE HERE,

AND THAT--THA IS THE BEAUTY OF IT.

I MEAN, YOU GUYS WON' EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M UP TO.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO

IS HELP ME OUT.

AND WE'LL HAVE--

WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.

PLAUSIBLE:

DENIABILITY.

YEAH, DID YOU

JUST MAKE THAT UP?

SO WE ALL DOWN:

FOR THE CAUSE?

ONE QUESTION.

CAN'T WE JUST HAVE

A GOING-AWAY PARTY INSTEAD?

WE WILL,

A HUGE BLOWOUT,

WHEN THIS IS OVER.

SO?

[GIRL SPEAKS

INDISTINCTLY]

MARCHING CALL!

[MOANING]

[SONG PLAYS,

INDISTINCT LYRICS]

[GRUNTS]

LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY

FROZE YOUR ASSETS, MAN.

LET'S SEE WHA WE CAN DO ABOUT THAT.

HEY!

STEP OFF,

CAPITALIST TOOL.

Dobbs:
MAN, WHY DON'T YOU

GO GET A REAL JOB, FOOL?

Dobbs:
MAN,

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU,

THEIR LUNCH MONEY

IS MINE, VENDOR.

[GASPS]

[INHALES]

[GROWLS]

HA HA HA.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

TRADING HOURS ARE OVER.

[GRUNTING]

AAH--OHH!

HELLO, VLADIMIR.

AAH!

MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME

I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG

IT'S TIME TO PLAY

A GAME WITH YOUR--

HMM.

MacGOOGLES IS ME NAME

I LIKE A SWAMPY BOG

MacGOOGLE--

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