A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy Page #5

I hold the marriage vows sacred and,

once wed, would never be unfaithful.

- I don't know what to say.

- Please,

the shame I feel over my desires

is already too much to bear.

Don't be ashamed.

I'm just surprised it's me you asked.

You have an open personality and I feel

you're modern enough in your thinking

not to make more of the experience

than is intended.

And, although I'm surely

not the first to tell you,

you're quite attractive

and you radiate a certain raw energy.

I'm not saying that it wouldn't be

an interesting experience for me.

- What if your fiance finds out?

- She must never.

I want Ariel for my wife and...

yet the pull is strong.

I cannot help imagining

what it would be like with you.

I'm flattered.

Have you ever made love

with a much older man?

Yes.

Illicitly? In the woods?

Yes.

- Was he a genius?

- He was a dentist.

- Do you find me unattractive?

- No, you're elegant.

Would you meet me

where we swam today, at six?

Yes.

I'm grateful.

(Andrew) Ariel! Psst!

Ariel!

Ariel! Ariel!

(stones clatter on wall)

Are you gonna be in there for a while?

(Maxwell) I just got in the tub

about two minutes ago.

I really like soaking in a good, hot bath.

I think I'll stay in here for half an hour,

cos the water feels so good on my back.

Mm. Well...

I'm bushed. I think I'll just

take nap, so just, you know...

relax and take as long

as you want in the tub.

Don't worry about me. I'll take a nap

for about, maybe, half an hour or so.

(water flows)

- (Dulcy) Oh!

- (Adrian) I have to speak to you.

- (Dulcy) Now?

- (Adrian) Please. It's an emergency.

- (Dulcy) What's the matter?

- I didn't know where else to turn.

(Dulcy) Calm down, please.

I'm a nurse. It's OK.

- Sorry. This is very hard for me.

- (Dulcy) Don't worry.

He can't hear you. It's fine. It's OK.

All right. The thing is...

I want to learn how

to please my husband in bed.

Ariel! Ariel!

- Andrew! What are you doing there?

- Maxwell Jordan is in love with you.

He's a medical Casanova.

No, he's a wonderful guy

and a terrific doctor.

Really. Never lost a patient. Got a couple

of 'em pregnant, but never lost one.

- I'm getting married tomorrow.

- You don't love Leopold. You know that.

You're just in love with the idea of

marrying a great scholar. I know you.

- You've got a lot of nerve.

- That was your goal even way back then.

You weren't listening to anything

I was saying "way back then".

All that was on your mind

was animal passion.

And what was on your mind?

It's my fault.

I shouldn't have flirted with Maxwell.

It just comes naturally.

Now I've started something.

- He likes the way you smell.

- Oh, Andrew. I'm so mixed up.

That's why the sooner I marry Leopold

and settle down, the better.

You've gotta give Maxwell five minutes.

He's pining away for you.

I never saw the guy so serious in his life.

Unless you're absolutely certain that what

you're doing tomorrow is the right thing.

It's a little late for me

to be having those thoughts.

But not too late.

I was fine till I saw you again. Fine!

Come with me to the brook.

Here, I've brought a hat.

Hop on, really. For five minutes.

Andrew, we'll get killed.

No, don't be silly. Trust me.

It's me, Andrew.

Trust me anyhow.

- (Ariel) My God, we're flying!

- (Andrew) I know. It's perfect.

- (Ariel) It's great. Better not look down.

- (Andrew) Hang on tight.

- (Andrew) I knew it would work! I knew it!

- (Ariel) It's wonderful!

You!

I was, uh...

I was just here and looking

at some moss formations.

I couldn't sleep. I felt like a stroll.

What a coincidence.

Are you staying?

Are you? No!

Uh... Why don't we stroll together?

- Yes.

- No! Not that way.

I think there's something

more interesting up there.

- Yes?

- Oh, yes.

There's some very interesting leaves.

I'd like to show them to you.

It's much better that way, especially

if you're in the mood for a stroll.

Yes, that's the only reason

I'm about. I usually nap.

If you'd prefer to walk alone,

I could give you directions.

- Would you rather stroll by yourself?

- Certainly not! Not me.

We can talk about nature,

even if we don't agree on everything.

(Leopold chuckles)

(Ariel) Oh, God. What am I gonna do?

Now I know my flying bicycle

won't handle that weight.

- We could have been killed.

- Not killed. Crippled.

- That lake is cold.

- You're shivering.

Come on, you're shaking.

- You know, you're wet.

- I know I'm wet!

- I thought I saw a red-winged blackbird.

- Yes.

These woods are fascinating

and beautiful.

There is something

magical about them.

Four miles is rather longer

than I anticipated.

We're half there.

So, tomorrow's the big day, huh?

Mm-hm.

You know what I jokingly call marriage?

"The death of hope".

Jokingly, of course. Although

no joke is ever completely untrue.

I'm aware that you have designs on Ariel.

- What?!

- It's pointless to deny it.

I observe the way you stare at her

and take pleasure in her behaviour.

I can almost hear your heart beat

when she's close to you.

You have some imagination.

I assure you Ariel does not return these

rather desperate and vulgar feelings.

You're not too overeducated

to get a punch in the nose.

Go ahead, hit me.

You've wanted to all day.

Don't be afraid. I never resist violence.

I realise that often it is

the sole recourse of primitives.

It's like swimming.

It's a measured stroke.

And remember, here's the key.

When the sperm count is low,

they won't listen to reason.

But when the sperm count is high,

they'll do anything you want.

It sounds awfully clinical.

Well, we're just going over some basics.

But if you love the guy,

it should all come together

with a certain sense

of danger and excitement.

You shouldn't just limit

yourself to the bedroom.

It should be full of surprise

and spontaneity.

It shouldn't be routine.

Mm-hm.

(Andrew) I understand

Maxwell kissed you today?

(Ariel) Yes. Very suddenly, in the woods.

- (Andrew) How did it feel?

- It felt good.

- (Andrew) What do you mean?

- You asked how it felt. I said good.

(Andrew) So how can you

think of getting married?

(Ariel) I'm always mixed up

when it comes to the opposite sex.

I think I know what I want,

and then I don't. And then I do.

- What about you? How's your marriage?

- My marriage is fine.

- It's not working, but it's fine.

- I'm sorry.

- So you find Maxwell attractive?

- Well, kind of. In his own way.

You're kidding. The kid's tubby.

Haven't you noticed? He's a butterball.

A few minutes ago you were

telling me how great he was.

He's great. Don't misunderstand me.

It's just that he's blubber.

I guess he is.

If I had only acted that time

when we were at the brook that night!

- Yeah.

- It just haunts me.

Not a week has gone by that I haven't

dreamt about you or that evening.

We shouldn't be talking like this.

I gotta get married tomorrow.

Why? What are you running into?

Stop for a second.

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