A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy Page #6

I'm not running into it. No.

He's perfect for me, really.

He's solid. He's taught me a lot.

- Like what?

- Like how to listen to Mozart.

With your ears, right?

Is that a reason to marry...

- (sneezes)

- Hey, are you OK?

We got wet. We should go back.

(knocking at door)

Maxwell, it's flooding!

Maxwell, are you all right?

- Max...

- I fell asleep in the tub and it overflowed.

I got everything under control.

Did you have a good nap?

Yeah, I just decided to change.

Oh.

I, uh... didn't feel tired

so I took a brief stroll.

- You've been in there a long time.

- Oh, I... I... I...

I fell asleep in the bath.

Did you have a nice stroll?

Yes. Very enlightening.

- Did you have a nice bath?

- Oh, yes. Very refreshing.

Where have you been?

The table's still not set.

I was... chopping ice. I was in the barn.

I was just...

There was a huge block of ice

and I chopped it.

We... We'll have the ice for dinner.

OK, I understand.

Hey...

Dinner's nowhere near ready.

Oh. No.

I had to clean the fish.

I thought you said you cleaned the fish.

Oh, I didn't mean to say the fish.

I meant to say the chicken.

We're having fish and chicken,

because Leopold hates fish.

- More trout, Leopold?

- Please, yes.

The trellis is broken. Have you

been climbing on it again, Andrew?

No, I was just trying to fix

something there. It's a terrible story.

I once got locked in the bathroom.

Andrew climbed up the trellis and got

me out the window. It was very romantic.

I'd like to say that,

also that I'm a little drunk.

- The wine is a little heavy.

- It's gone straight to my head too.

You'll turn into one of those doctors

whose hands shake when they operate.

Domestic brands are always less subtle.

Did anyone see that big, strange bird

that was flying around before dinner?

- What bird?

- The one that dived into the lake.

You know what there is up here?

There's hawks and eagles.

You haven't been trying

your wings on again, Andrew?

Yeah, sure. I always spin around the lake

a couple of times before dinner.

It builds my appetite.

- So you're an inventor, eh?

- Crackpot inventor.

In actual life, I help people with their

investments until there's nothing left.

What was that odd-looking contraption

with the ball on top that we saw earlier?

That was my spirit box.

It's a kind of a magic lantern

that penetrates the unseen world.

What unseen world?

Forest spirits? Little glowing things?

You can make fun if you want,

but you all will admit

that there's more to life than

what we perceive with our five senses.

- I'm afraid not.

- (Ariel) Oh, I think there is.

I've seen these spirits on summer nights.

Truth is nobody really knows.

That thing looked like something I saw

at a magic show at Coney Island.

There is nothing magical about existence.

It grows more understandable every day.

Greater familiarity with some of

our best minds might make that clear.

I disagree. I think that if anything can

be said to be magical, it's the universe.

(Andrew) Me, too.

What a pity that people require

more for their existence

than the wonderful world about them.

It's not always so wonderful

down at the hospital.

So when are you gonna show us

this little trick of yours?

It's not a trick. I'm gonna try it later.

It's gotta be dark before I can do anything.

Andrew's invented a wedding present

for you and Ariel.

- Oh, really? What?

- Tell them about that.

It's nothing. It's a silly apparatus

that takes the bones out of fish.

Or if you prefer, although there's

no point to it, it puts bones in fish.

That's great.

To Leopold and Ariel.

Tomorrow they will be man and wife,

forsaking all others

till death do them part.

May they be very happy with one

another for the rest of their lives.

- (Adrian) Are you all right?

- Are you choking? Are you OK?

Just a little wine

went down the wrong way.

You're gulping it down like it was milk.

- I'll be all right. I'm just a little dizzy.

- It's not a bone?

- Is he an alcoholic?

- No. He just had a little too much tonight.

(Dulcy) He started on an empty stomach.

He just has to walk it off.

(Adrian) So, where will you

settle after you're married?

I've taken a townhouse

near the university.

I can't wait for Ariel to meet the

professors. I'm the envy of the faculty.

You'll adore Professor Eddy and his wife.

They're very entertaining,

with a kind of a theme to their marriage.

He specialises in Dr Johnson

and she teaches Boswell.

They're an entertaining

and amusing couple,

and I look forward to

many wonderful chats.

Well, to wonderful chats,

and Boswell and Johnson,

and Leopold and Ariel,

and this summer night,

and you two, of course.

- And Maxwell.

- And Dr Maxwell Jordan.

- Doctor of high jinks.

- And to Adrian and Andrew.

(gunshot)

Where did that come from?

Maxwell! Maxwell!

- Maxwell, what is it?

- Maxwell, are you all right?

- Did you hurt yourself?

- You're bleeding.

I just picked it up and it went off.

I didn't know it was loaded.

Put that thing down! Be careful with it!

- Jesus, are you OK?

- Yeah, I'm all right.

Andrew, you keep it loaded!

No, I don't. That's what I don't understand.

I'm OK. Go on back to dinner.

There's no harm done. I'm all right.

- Everybody, go.

- We'll put a bandage on it.

Go back to the house. We'll put some

alcohol on it. Just relax. He's OK.

Maxwell, let me see

that thing for a second.

Maxwell, are you crazy?

I never keep bullets in that thing.

- So what?

- So are you insane?

Is she worth putting

a bullet through your head for?

I love her.

I don't know who I'm talking to

any more. I don't know you.

- Nobody knows me.

- Don't be melodramatic. Are you crazy?

Maybe I'm drunk, but I haven't been able

to think of anything else but her all day.

- I have to be alone with her.

- What are you telling me?

What would have happened if you hadn't

missed? What a tragedy that would be.

- Wouldn't you die for Ariel?

- Me?

- I see the way you look at her.

- I'm not a poet.

I don't die for love.

I work on Wall Street.

- I waited for her. You never sent her.

- I tried!

- Was she willing to come?

- Yes! I tried to take her by air.

We fell into the lake. It was ridiculous.

We had to get out. We walked.

Our clothes were soaking wet.

It sounds very romantic,

walking around with wet clothes.

- Did you kiss her?

- Kiss her? I sneezed on her.

- Why do you blush when we discuss her?

- Maxwell, leave me alone!

If I did love her, it wouldn't matter.

She's marrying Leopold.

What do you mean, if you did love her?

Do you love her?

I'm saying "if". If I loved her,

if I wasn't married, then...

Then...

Well, then we would have some problems.

Lass singen, Gesell, lass rauschen

Und wandre frhlich nach!

Es gehn ja Mhlenrder

In jedem klaren Bach

Es gehn ja Mhlenrder

In jedem klaren Bach

Lass singen, Gesell, lass rauschen

Und wandre frhlich nach!

Frhlich nach!

Frhlich nach!

(Dulcy) That's wonderful.

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