A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy Page #8

- I'm not concerned.

I'm gonna take a walk.

It's good for the digestion.

- Maybe I should walk along with you?

- No, no, don't bother.

- Why not? I'd like to. I like to digest.

- I prefer to be alone.

- Yeah, but why?

- Look, go to bed.

I'm going to meet Ariel.

- You are?

- Yes. By the brook at midnight.

- Since when did that happen?

- I spoke to her.

- She's gonna meet you?

- Yes.

- What did you tell her?

- I told her I loved her.

I told her not to marry Leopold.

I told her to meet me tonight.

- And she agreed to this?

- Andrew, I think I have a chance with her.

- You do?

- Yeah.

- I got an idea. I'll bring her to meet you.

- No, you go to sleep.

No, I'm not tired. I'll bring her. Ma... Ma...

- Wish me luck.

- Good luck.

Maxwell, I'm not tired.

(Leopold) Ariel?

Yes? Yes, Leopold?

(Leopold) Ariel... Doctor...

Andrew... sing... music...

(Leopold mumbles)

Ariel! Ariel, over here by the tree.

Ariel, by the tree!

- Why are you here?

- I'm here to see Ariel.

- I said I wanna be alone with her.

- It's no use. I'm in love with her.

- What?!

- I can't fight it any more.

- I said I thought you loved her.

- I know. Don't get upset.

- You denied it. And I'm not upset.

- She's been in love with me a long time.

- You said it was platonic.

- It was.

I never touched her, but I could have.

She wanted me to years ago.

- I said I thought you loved her!

- What am I gonna tell Adrian?

- I asked you to help me.

- I tried to bring her. It didn't work out.

- We flew, we laughed. It turned romantic.

- Did she tell you she loved you?

She's loved me since

I took her to a baseball game.

- I'll kill you!

- I knew you would take this badly.

- You knew how much I cared for her.

- Nobody plans these things.

They just happen.

You gotta be a little mature.

I'll show you what mature is,

you backstabbing runt!

- (Ariel) Hey, what's going on here?

- Ariel, I love you.

- You do?

- Yes.

- She's not bowled over.

- I can't fight it any longer.

- Ariel, I love you too.

- Stop confusing things.

I'm surprised.

When did this feeling come over you?

I've had it for a long time.

I just didn't know what to do.

He's having some

domestic problems, that's all.

- Don't marry Leopold.

- She's not going to.

- You can't do that, you won't be happy.

- He's not the right guy for you.

- I told you she's not marrying him.

- I'm talking to her.

And I'm talking to you.

Ariel and I had a rendezvous.

- You're married, Andrew.

- The magic has gone in the bedroom.

- How can you reveal intimate secrets?

- What do you care?

Ariel, we stood here years ago

and I failed to act.

He'll always fail to act.

He's a procrastinator.

- He talks big schemes and does nothing.

- Don't get me angry.

I love you, Ariel.

I just need time to show you how much.

One thing's for sure:

I can't marry Leopold.

No, you can't.

And I gotta say something to Adrian.

Listen to him!

I wouldn't tell Adrian anything.

That's my business, OK?

We have a second chance.

Let's not mess it up.

It's no use. She may have

cared for you once, but this is now.

Ariel, I love you and, in spite of

all his nauseating begging, I want you.

I'm sorry, Maxwell.

Maxwell, you gotta understand.

Maxwell, I'm your best friend. Forgive me.

- I should have killed myself.

- Don't talk like that!

Only a drunken idiot shoots

himself over love. Not an internist.

- You'll forget me.

- No.

You will, we'll help you. You'll come

over. We won't let you sit and brood.

If I come over, how am I gonna

forget her? She'll be here.

That's a point. So don't come over.

Maxwell, we know each other

for so long. This was inevitable.

Maxwell, you know I love you.

Better Andrew than Leopold.

At least you'll have a few laughs.

What are you gonna do?

I'll go for a walk. I'll throw

a rock in the brook. I'll go to sleep.

Don't worry, I'm not

a drunken infantile idiot.

I'll go back and I'll get anaesthetised

with meaningless lovemaking.

- Maxwell, I didn't mean it.

- Will he be all right? I'm worried.

Why does it have to be so complicated?

The guy's my best friend.

Ariel?

Ariel!

(Ariel) Remember this tree? We stood

under it and looked at the stars.

(Andrew) The constellations are

in the same place. There's Gemini.

(Ariel) Yeah, I remember

you pointed that out to me.

We both had wine, and you showed

me your latest invention.

Did I? Oh, of course!

My musical house slippers, right?

As you walked, they would play

"My Old Kentucky Home". Never sold.

Remember what we talked about?

We talked about the brook

and the stars... and your dress.

- You had bought a new dress.

- Yes. This is it. This is the same dress.

It looks more beautiful.

You look more beautiful.

Thank you.

- You've lost a little hair from the top.

- I'm working on a hair restorer.

But you still have

that little boy's look. You do.

(footsteps)

It's only Leopold. There's no need

to worry. I'm not a spirit.

I couldn't sleep, so I came downstairs

to read The Katzenjammer Kids.

The Katzenjammer Kids?

That's extraordinary.

- That's what happened in the dream.

- What dream?

Just now, before I awoke.

- I was dreaming this.

- Me?

Precisely this. That's incredible.

We were alone and you were lying

across the sofa, and you were reading.

I asked you what, and you said

"The Katzenjammer Kids".

And I thought it was funny.

And then your robe fell open slightly.

Only slightly, the way it is now,

and I was taken with

a great erotic fervour.

And all the terrible thoughts

of my whole life,

that I'd been afraid to unleash,

poured forth.

How did I react?

You pressed your lips to mine...

And then the scene changed, and we

were two savages in the wilderness.

It was a prehistoric era.

I was a Neanderthal, hunting

my enemies with primitive weapons,

and loving you uninhibitedly.

Jesus. What did you eat

before you went to bed?

- What are you doing here?

- I couldn't sleep.

I didn't want to read alone in the room.

All that ghost talk makes me nervous.

- Alone? Why alone?

- Maxwell's off walking.

- He is?

- Yeah.

So's Ariel. She slipped

out of bed after I fell asleep.

- You don't think that they...

- I will not play the cuckold for that goat.

Relax! You must learn to trust Ariel

if you're gonna marry her.

I trust no one. I can feel it. They're looking

into each other's eyes or holding hands.

I can just envision his clumsy general

practitioner's attempts to kiss her.

Or worse. Worse! And it is

now officially our wedding day.

OK, you can relax now,

cos there's Maxwell and he's alone.

- He's right there.

- But where's Ariel?

(tinkling)

Those shadows...

That's Ariel's dress. Her French frock.

But if Maxwell is here...

Those eyeglasses... That's Andrew!

- (Dulcy) Leopold.

- (Leopold) Andrew and Ariel.

Deceived by that third-rate inventor.

- I'll kill him.

- Leopold!

Leopold, come back! Leopold!

Maxwell, go get Leopold!

Leopold's gone to kill Andrew.

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