A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy Page #9

What?

Was... was it a completely

horrible experience, Ariel?

No. At least I didn't...

At least we bulled our way though it.

Yeah. Great. That's exactly what it was.

- The frogs kept croaking.

- I know, I know. I got a headache.

Yeah, but it wasn't

what I thought it would be.

- Did you feel it was?

- No.

I think it's true.

You really do learn an awful lot

about yourself through lovemaking.

- It's quite incredible.

- It's so strange.

Years ago when we were here,

that kind of stuff never bothered me.

I know. I think if we had made love that

very first night when we had the chance,

we never would have dreamed

that the outside world even existed.

Boy, time passes.

Before you know it, a little hair falls out,

a little noise becomes bothersome...

I guess we just... we change.

We become different people.

Ah-hah, you little vermin!

- Leopold!

- Prepare to die!

Leopold, don't shoot!

Hah!

Leopold, you're a man of reason.

You're a pacifist.

You're an animal.

Stop it, Leopold! Come back!

Leopold! Leopold!

Andrew!

Hold still, you miserable worm!

Leopold, I can exp...

Really?

Aaagh!

Blood.

I've drawn blood.

Who am I?

(Andrew) Maxwell! Maxwell!

- Maxwell, are you all right?

- No. I'm badly hit. I'm dying.

Oh, Jesus. Help! Help!

- It's no use, Andrew. I'm finished.

- Don't say that. Help!

I'm a doctor. I know where I've been hit.

(Leopold) Blood. Blood!

I've drawn blood - and I relished it!

- (Dulcy) Leopold, what's gotten into you?

- I've returned from the hunt.

(Dulcy) What's an intellectual genius like

you want with a simple nurse like me?

(clothes ripping)

Maxwell, for what it's worth to you,

I don't think the magic is there

between Ariel and myself any more.

If it's any incentive for you to pull through,

I think you got a chance with her.

- I can't breathe. I'm dying.

- Take it easy.

I have a confession to make.

I want my soul, if it exists, to be clean.

Don't talk like that.

We won't let you die.

I slept with your wife.

- Pardon me?

- I did it with Adrian.

- What did you say?

- By the brook, one night last summer.

- What are you talking about?

- The images from the spirit box.

Didn't you recognise us? Adrian and me.

Didn't you notice? It was her dress.

- How could you?!

- The moment was perfect. I seized it.

- You only live once.

- But you're my best friend.

- I apologise.

- I don't accept it.

Oh, no. Oh, my God.

It's nothing serious.

Just an arrow in his heart.

He's still breathing. Where are you going?

We have to help him.

(Dulcy) Leopold. Bite me... hard. Harder!

(Leopold) I can't. These are not my teeth.

(Adrian) Hello!

Andrew? I saw a light.

So you slept with Maxwell?

Me? Why?

- Why? Cos he told me you did.

- How could he?

Cos he thinks he's dying, which

he's probably not, unfortunately.

I don't know what to tell you. It's true.

We were alone by the brook.

You weren't paying any attention to me.

You were obsessed with your inventions.

It was a perfect, moonlit, summer night.

He put his hands on my breasts

and my blood just started to boil.

And afterwards, I've never been

able to rid myself of the guilt.

- But you enjoyed it?

- Oh, yeah, definitely. It was hot.

Ohhh!

How could you?

That's exactly when all the trouble

began between the two of us.

I will make it up to you, Andrew.

Now that you know this, I feel...

I feel really relieved.

This is like a weight is off my back.

I've been carrying around

a terrible secret.

Don't lie to me.

No, Andrew. I swear to you.

This is like a curse has been lifted.

- I hate you.

- You love me.

No. I love Ariel.

I always loved Ariel.

No, that's not true.

Andrew, make love to me.

- Adrian, don't mix me up.

- I mean it. In fact, let me handle it.

- No, I'm furious with you.

- I really mean it this time.

No, Adrian. Stop.

- Andrew, you're gonna like this.

- Stop, I've had a very rough night.

- Excuse me.

- Adrian, stop. What are you doing?

Andrew, I promise you,

this is a good idea.

Adrian, what is this with table tops?

I'm on a loaded pistol!

- It feels much better.

- Does it?

I can't believe I did this.

The sight of blood terrifies me.

- I love you.

- You're still wounded.

I need time to be with you, to prove

to you that you can be happy with me.

I'm such a frivolous person. First

I thought I loved Leopold, then Andrew...

But you never loved Leopold, and Andrew

was just a dream out of the past.

I, however, am the man of the moment.

We're gonna seize this moment

and keep it for ever.

I have to admit that when we first met,

and you recognised my perfume,

you smelled it,

I did feel a little weak at the knees.

I know. You were scared

and attracted to me all day.

We're two of a kind. We're both flirts,

but our flirting days are all over.

- Aagh!

- Careful. Just easy.

Me, a confirmed bachelor,

struck down by Cupid's arrow.

Unfortunately, it was shot by Leopold.

You said you believed

in love at first sight.

It's all in the smell,

and you smell wonderful.

Oh, Adrian, I'm still spinning.

That was a deeply religious

experience on that table top.

It's only the beginning.

Wait till everyone's gone,

I'll show you what Dulcy

calls a Mexican Cartwheel.

- Really? That sounds incredibly filthy.

- It is!

- Good. I can't wait.

- So can you forgive me?

Forgive you? I can ordain you. You've

cleared my sinuses for the summer.

- And Maxwell too?

- Yes.

The way I feel tonight, I could heal people.

Oh! What is he doing with Ariel?

- Doing well, I think.

- Really? What about Leopold?

(screaming)

Help! Come quickly! Leopold's dead.

(screams)

Help! Help! Come quickly!

- Oh, my God!

- What happened to him?

- Maxwell, what's wrong with him?

- We were making love...

He was like an animal.

He tore off my robe.

He was wonderful. We did it

all violently, like two savages.

He was screaming with pleasure,

and at the highest moment of ecstasy,

he just keeled over

with that smile on his face.

- Poor Leopold.

- I'm sorry, Ariel.

(tinkling)

(Leopold) Don't feel

sorry for me, Maxwell.

My soul has merely passed

into a different dimension.

I feel myself floating, liberated.

I am, at long last, pure essence.

Leopold? Is that really you?

Of course it's me, Ariel.

And I am most delighted to say

that Andrew and Adrian were right.

These woods are enchanted,

filled with the spirits of

the lucky men and women of passion

who have passed away

at the height of lovemaking.

Promise me, all of you,

to look for my glowing presence

on starlit evenings, in these woods,

under the summer moon... for ever.

- Look!

- Leopold!

That's incredible.

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