A Perfect World: The Making of 'The Stepford Wives' Page #2

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Well, that's

our Stepford Men's Association.

Where all our wonderful guys can get

together and stay out of our hair.

Am l right?

- Where do the women go?

- To the Simply Stepford Day Spa.

- Good morning, ladies.

- Good morning, Claire.

l would like you all to welcome

our newest citizen to Stepford: Joanna.

Good morning, Joanna.

- Are we ready to work out?

- Oh, yes.

Places and poles, please.

Wait, you work out dressed like this?

Well, of course. Whatever we do,

we always want to look our very best.

l mean, why, imagine if our husbands

saw us

in worn, dark, urban sweat clothes

with stringy hair

and almost no makeup?

Oh, good heavens.

Now,

today you are in for a special treat

because we are working on a series

of exercises

which l've personally invented,

based on simple household tasks.

l call my program Clairobics.

Because her name is Claire.

All right, now it's time to slim

and scrub.

Let's all be washing machines.

And...

And...

Come on, Joanna.

Spin cycle, ladies, and...

And...

And...

And...

- Sweet.

- Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Who's the man?

You the man.

Thank you, dear.

Walter?

- Hey, how you doing?

- Walter Kresby.

- Good to see you.

- Ted Van Sant.

l'm Stan Peters.

Come on in, come on in.

- Mike said you were coming.

- Nice to see you.

Come on in.

Hear ye, hear ye. Come one,

come aII, and happy Fourth of JuIy.

At 1:
30 wiII be the chiIdren's

Stars and Stripes, face painting...

lsn't this great?

A real old-fashioned town picnic.

Can't get this in Manhattan.

Which is why we're gonna stay

exactly ten minutes.

We're gonna make an appearance,

and then we're gonna get out of here.

Kids, l'm really sorry about all of this,

but let's try and have fun.

Mom, it's a picnic.

- Chill.

- Go ahead, go ahead, have fun.

Ten minutes?

Walter, you just don't get it.

These women are like

deranged-flight-attendant friendly.

- They're gonna be all over me.

- Joanna!

Here we go.

- Oh, Joanna.

- Joanna, hi.

- Hi, Walter.

- Hi.

- You look great.

- l love you in khakis.

They're new, a little experiment.

Now l know why they call it

Banana Republic.

Excuse me. Excuse me!

Excuse me, ladies. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Am l the only one who finds all of this

more than a little disturbing?

We are celebrating

our nation's birthday,

but there are almost no

African-Americans,

no Native Americans,

no Asian Americans,

and... Oh, my God.

Hey, you're Joanna Eberhart.

You got such a raw deal.

Aren't you Bobbie Markowitz?

l love your books, especially

the last one. What was it called?

lt was about your relationship

with your mother.

- I Love You But PIease Die.

- Hey, baby. Baby.

Look what l did, look.

Happy Fourth of July, everybody.

Excuse me.

ls this guy bothering you?

- Yes, he's my husband.

- Hey Kresbo-Man.

- Hey, Dave.

- How do you know each other?

- Men's Association.

- That place.

- Did you finish the laundry?

- No, l finished a chapter.

- Did you make the sandwiches?

- Did you?

- Where are the kids?

- What kids?

Our kids.

- Hey, are you two OK?

- We're fine.

- Come on, l need a cookie.

- See what l mean?

Jerry... Jerry, it's a bake sale,

an actual bake sale.

lt's like some heavenly diorama

at the Smithsonian

in the Hall of Homemakers.

Oh, no. No, stop it.

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

That is not cobbler.

Roger, could we...? Could we reel it

in, like, a couple of hundred yards?

How do you ladies keep your figures?

ls there just a huge vat

of cobbler vomit somewhere?

- But worth it?

- Roger.

Oh, l'm sorry.

- That is...

- This is fabulous.

Jerry thinks that l overdo,

you know, everything.

Excuse me, aren't you

Roger Bannister?

The amazing architect

from The Times?

Oh, thank you. This is Jerry Harmon.

- Hi.

- Corporate attorney.

But he's getting the help

that he needs.

- Stop it.

- You stop it.

- We're new.

- Oh, my God, Joanna Eberhart.

- l love the shows.

- Oh, thank you.

And Bobbie Markowitz.

Love the books.

Jerry, how did this happen?

Where did you come from?

l mean, right here in Stepford.

People.

Attention, attention,

Fourth of July funsters,

grab your partners because it's time

for some sizzling Stepford

square dancing, so come on in.

- Square dancing?

- Cowgirls?

- We're in hell.

- Come on, Bobbie.

- Howdy.

- Howdy.

OK, everybody ready to kick up

your heels

for some barn-busting Stepford

high-stepping?

OK.

Bow to your partners

Lose your cares

- There you go.

- Stepford staIIions Iove their mares

AII men Ieft, aII men right

Rope that fiIIy, she won't bite

AII join hands and circIe sweet

PIease your cowboy with your feet

- Nice shirt, Stan.

- Thanks.

Yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay,

yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay,

yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay,

- yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay,

- Honey.

- yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay.

- Calm down.

Do-si-do, do-si-do,

do-si-do, do-si-do,

- Whoa, back up, guy.

- do-si-do, do-si-do, do-si-do...

Jesus.

Do-si-do, do-si-do,

do-si-do, do-si-do.

- Excuse me. Excuse me.

- ls she all right?

- lt's OK.

- Excuse me.

- Do-si-do.

- All right. OK. Don't try to move her.

- She's drunk.

- There's no need, thank you.

- She's blond.

- l'm her husband.

- Do-si-do.

- Jo, you're not a doctor.

Walter, l can take care of this.

l ran a network.

Walter, l can take care of this.

l ran a network.

- Somebody call 91 1 .

- Mike's here.

Mike.

- Mike.

- Do-si-do.

Do-si-do, do-si-do, do-si-do.

- Mike.

- lt's OK. l'm here.

Walter, the missus.

- The missus?

- Jo, Jo.

Walter, what is your problem?

- Excuse me.

- Stand back, please.

- Hey! Excuse...

- Excuse me.

- What was that?

- Herb, Dave,

give me a hand, and we'll get

Sarah right into my Hummer.

- Your Hummer?

- lt's a sweet ride.

- lt's roomy.

- Here you go.

We need an ambulance.

You shouldn't be moving her.

She might need oxygen, paramedics.

Everything isn't always

about you, Jo.

Walter.

She'll be fine. lt's too much sun.

She's dehydrated.

- Dehydrated? Are you crazy?

- Jo. l'm sorry about this, Mike.

Joanna. Joanna, this is

a very special moment.

- l would like you to meet...

- Mike Wellington.

My husband.

- Oh...

- And you must be the famous Joanna.

You're even prettier

than in the newspapers.

- They don't do you justice.

- Excuse me, that woman is very sick.

Thank you. l should be going

with her.

She'll get all the help she needs.

Trust me, little lady.

That woman had a seizure,

and she was practically levitating.

And l have told you five million times

l phoned Herb.

He said that Sarah is fine.

She just needed some fluids,

just like Mike said.

- She was sparking, Walter.

- She was dancing.

Then why wasn't there

a doctor anywhere? And why...?

Why...?

Walter! Walter!

And why did everyone

just automatically listen

to that Mike person?

And why, why was everyone

just standing there?

You mean why weren't they

just listening to you?

- That's not what l'm saying!

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