A Perfect World: The Making of 'The Stepford Wives' Page #3

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- Jesus Christ, Joanna!

- What?

- You were fired,

your kids barely know you,

and our marriage is falling apart.

And your whole attitude

makes people want to kill you.

lt makes people try to kill you.

That's what we're doing here.

The people in this town

have been nothing

but friendly and welcoming

and wonderful to you.

And you've been nothing but snide

and suspicious.

And on top of that, at the picnic

you humiliated me.

Well, l can't do it anymore.

l can't keep fighting you for every

inch of everything. Game over.

- Marriage over.

- Oh, no!

- No!

- No what?

Please don't go.

- Why not?

- Because you're right.

Wait, l'm sorry. l don't think

l heard that. What did you just say?

l said, you're right.

About?

About everything.

About me.

Do you know why l signed on

at the network?

Because l thought that if l was

around, l could help you lighten up.

You did?

Yeah, l did. What was that

one show called?

I Can Do Everybody?

See, that's what l mean.

l wanted to make you laugh.

That's so sweet, but l...

l was busy. l was running

a network, Walter.

You were so busy that we haven't

made love in over a year.

- l know. l...

- Well, l miss you.

But l've always loved you

so much. l...

You know that.

Why?

Because... Because...

...you're goofy, and you're...

You're handsome, and you're...

You're...

You're my Walter.

And because when

you play computer chess

you do that little...

- You do that little victory dance.

- l do not. l don't do that.

- Yes, you do.

- No, l don't.

But if l'm not the smartest

and the best of the best

and the most successful,

then l don't know, who am l?

You wanna find out?

How?

First of all, we're in the country now,

so no more black.

- No more black? Are you insane?

- You heard me.

Only high-powered, neurotic,

castrating,

Manhattan career b*tches wear black.

ls that what you wanna be?

Ever since l was a little girl.

Do l really look OK?

Can l be honest?

- You look kind of like Betty Crocker.

- l know.

- At Betty Ford.

- We need miIk.

- We need miIk. We need miIk.

- Thank you.

Look, l'm trying to make

an effort to change.

l mean, last night my husband

was a different person.

He was strong, he was forceful,

he was commanding.

Like your refrigerator.

Well, nobody said it was gonna

be easy being a homemaker

and a stay-at-home mom.

lt's the toughest job

in the world, right?

Well, that may be, but these

Stepford women,

- they're a whole other dimension.

- Oh, like yesterday,

that poor lady, Sarah Sunderson.

Walter said she's fine.

But you said she was shooting off

sparks from her ears.

- Now, that's the first sign.

- Of what?

Cheap jewelry.

- We should go see her.

- Why?

Because we need to be supportive.

That's how people behave outside

of Manhattan.

They care about each other.

l mean, if you were in New York

and one of your neighbors got sick

- what would you do?

- We'd call her.

- To see if she was gonna die.

- So we could get the apartment.

Let's go. Up. Up. Up.

Sarah?

- Yoo-hoo.

- Yoo-hoo? ls she in there?

- What are you doing?

- lt's open.

- That's amazing.

- So sweet.

And so trusting.

Roger.

Roger.

- Look at this place.

- Wow.

- Sarah?

- Sarah?

Roger.

Oh, Herb.

- Oh, baby.

- Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

- Make me beg!

- Yeah!

Oh, l'm so lucky!

- Oh, my God.

- ls that a DVD?

No, it's them.

Oh, you're the king!

Yes!

- l'm going up there.

- Why?

- Roger!

- l want some.

- Roger.

- Roger.

- Baby, grab me some nachos.

- Yes, dear.

What's this?

- Roger, put it down.

- What? Oh, come on.

- Roger.

- Why does it say Sarah?

Roger, you should put it down now.

- Let's get out of here.

- This isn't our house.

Oh, stop. Would you just quit?

- We have to, Roger.

- For God's sake, we're trespassing.

We have to get out of here.

- Put it down. Come on.

- OK, let's try and use this.

We have to go.

l'm so embarrassed.

l'm mortified. l'm famished.

- Bobbie.

- Yeah?

- Are you making anthrax?

- Excuse me.

l've been busy. My new book.

But can't you hire someone

to clean?

Someone brave?

Dave says l got to do it myself,

like Sarah Sunderson.

- Oh, could you believe her?

- But, darling, her home is spotless.

And she's having incredible sex

in the middle of the day

with her husband.

Well, l'm sorry, but my shrink says

l need creative chaos.

- My therapist says l need boundaries.

- My doctor said l need

enough electricity to jumpstart Vegas.

- You ever done Zoloft?

- Kid stuff.

Xanax. l worship Xanax.

l'm old-fashioned.

l like Prozac with a Viagra chaser.

You're up, and you're up.

- Oh, Roger.

- Viagra.

Hey, is there something that you

need to tell us?

Well... Sharing.

OK. OK.

Jerry and l have been

in couple's counseling...

...for over a year...

...and finally... Finally, l just couldn't

take it anymore.

l howled,

''You've become a gay Republican.''

And he said,

''What's wrong with that?''

l said, ''What's wrong with that?

''That's like wanting to be gay

with a bad haircut.''

Exactly.

So the counselor suggested

that we move to the 'burbs.

- To find a balance.

- We moved here as a last resort.

Court order. Don't ask.

OK. l know this is unthinkable,

but what if we could actually learn

how to be happy...

...without Paxil

or compulsive overeating?

What if we actually gave

this whole thing a try for real,

the whole Stepford thing?

- Hey, yeah!

- Only one can survive.

Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!

Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!

- Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!

- Come on, Kresbo baby.

- Zeus! Zeus!

- Rip her bra off!

Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!

Yeah!

- Yeah!

- Zeus rules the universe!

And Ted owes Walter

Ah, to be a man.

So, Walt,

you and Stepford,

it seems like a real match.

l'll say. l mean, the town

and the houses. This place.

Well, it's like a dream. lt's like...

Like the way life was meant to be.

And all of your wives.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. They're so... So...

Sweet?

Sizzling?

Super fine?

Well...

We are all so thrilled to be here

at the Stepford Book Club,

l can't tell you.

Now, l have just finished

the third volume

of Robert Caro's

Life of Lyndon Johnson,

and l am dying

for the next installment.

Well...

That's all marvelous,

but today we are going to discuss...

Well, it is probably the most important

book any of us will ever read.

Yes, it is provocative,

but it is also inspiring.

The Heritage Hills Special Edition

Golden Deluxe Treasury

of Christmas Keepsakes

and CoIIectibIes.

This book said to me,

''Let's celebrate the birth

of our Lord Jesus Christ with yarn.''

Now, Bobbie, we all realize you're

probably feeling a bit uncomfortable

with this week's book

because you're...

- Oh, what's the word l'm looking for?

- New?

- Scared?

- Cranky?

- Jewish.

- Same thing.

But the Heritage Hill series

is very inclusive.

ln fact, there is a whole chapter

about Hanukkah.

l just love the chapter on pinecones.

They're not just for wreaths

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