A Warrior's Tail Page #2

we agree on something.

Isn't that tragic?

Why don't you just agree

to go your separate ways?

He is a mosquito!

I am a semi-baron!

It would be beneath my dignity

to even speak to him,

let alone agree on anything.

He is below my station.

And below our nostrils.

I am traveling to see the Magician

- who lives on the mountain.

- Savva, don't...

Hey, we're going to see

the Magician too!

Oh, great.

Then I will allow you

to travel by my side

as long as you stay two steps behind me.

And I am not responsible

for that abomination.

Aah!

I wonder if we know him.

Another dart.

Mom, you're the absolute best,

the cat's meow.

Your skills are gonna make us

the toast of the town.

Zee, ain't she marvelous?

[kissing]

Oh, I'm sorry, I was thinking.

I thought I smelled something burning.

What could you possibly

have been thinking about?

If more than one mouse is mice,

and if more than one louse is lice,

is more than one spouse...

Spice?

You're an idiot.

[gasps]

Oh!

And just what are you

staring at, darling?

Well, Ma, it's like this, see.

We built a trap in the woods

and waited for a sucker

to come along and fall in.

Finally this pigeon took the bait.

Bam! Right into the trap

like a blind alley cat.

That sentence needs

at least two more metaphors.

He was a hideous-looking fella,

with a mosquito riding on his shoulder

on a tiny little throne.

A mosquito on a throne?

On the level, Ma. No sooner were

we putting the screws to him

then these three palookas come

out of the woods and took us on.

Oh, I love a good fight story!

But here's the twist.

The first one out of the woods

was a white wolf.

A white wolf?

Have you been playing

in the hemp groves again?

It's the straight dope, Ma.

It's all jake.

He had a little boy with him too,

and a little pink dame.

And why do I care about this?

Because we stuck around the

woods, see, to drop some eaves.

We heard them say they're all on

their way to see the Magician.

What'd I miss?

Torpedoes! To me now!

I need you to do what you do best.

No! I don't mean chasing girls.

Tell us what to do, Mom.

I need you to spy.

I want you to know

every move the invaders make.

Every step they take. Is that clear?

[evil laughter]

Because after we're done

feeding on your harvest,

we're taking you to Mom.

[evil laughter]

[gasps]

[twig snaps]

Hello?

Anggee! I saw...

[fart]

- Oh, not again!

- What do you want?

The next time you feel one of

those coming on, warn us, okay?

Sorry, pal, but when I sleep,

I can't control myself.

Oh, yeah, sometimes I can't either.

Sometimes I swat bugs in my sleep.

My God! Where is the pink powder puff?

SAVVA:
Puffy? Puffy!

ANGGEE:
He's gone.

FAFL:
That's gratitude for you.

You save him from the forest,

and he abandons you.

He didn't run off. Someone took him.

There are tracks. Look.

We have to go find him.

He could be in danger.

I am not going to risk my life

for six ounces of fluff.

We can't just leave him.

The semi-baron is right.

It's too dangerous. We should skedaddle.

Wait, wait.

Um...

No! The bug is wrong.

We must save the furball.

Mm-mm.

Poor Puffy.

He must be terrified.

[tribal music]

What's the racket, hmm? Eh?

Makatunga.

Makatunga.

[cheering]

Guys?

Someone want to tell me what's going on?

[cheering continues]

Oh, wow.

O great Makatunga!

Finally you have

revealed yourself to us!

We can fulfill our destiny now

on this buljoo we call earth.

They think I'm some Makatunga.

[clamoring]

What shall I do?

Ah!

Cloud!

Uh...

Makatunga will speak.

I will make it rain!

[humming]

[humming continues]

Come on, cloud.

[humming]

[humming]

Pour some rain

[humming]

A few drops will do

[humming]

Or I'll be their lunch today

[tribal music]

The swamp is sticky

and sometimes a little dark

Thank you, cloud.

And hard to get around

Now we have someone

who can make a paradise

[yawns]

Build a sweet, sweet swamp

Bring us some climate change

And build a spa resort

[continues music]

It's really creepy out here.

Yeah.

Swamp, swamp, swamp

Swamp, sweet swamp

Waaaah

Aaah!

Make the sun shine bright

O Makatunga Mama Makatunga

And turn it off at night

O Makatunga Mama Makatunga

Makatunga!

- [humming]

- Fafl!

- Sorry.

- [farts]

Excuse me.

Do it all

O Makatunga Ma Makatunga

[continues music]

[ends music]

Anggee, what are those?

I don't like the look of this.

My, it must be Halloween already.

These decorations are simply grand.

I must remember

to congratulate whoever...

What?

I suppose it is too much to hope

that these are just Halloween costumes?

I'll draw them away!

Whoa!

Come on, catch up!

[screams]

[screams]

Will you stop that shaking?

I am trying to have lunch here.

Shut it! I'm busy!

Cheers to you, Fafl.

Hope you don't get cut.

I got you!

[laughs]

What's the holdup, Fafl?

Go save the boy!

Anggee!

[drums beating]

Where are we?

Keep quiet. I've been here before.

[growling]

Savva, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

O great Makatunga.

We ask your guidance.

Come forward and give your word of law.

Should these trespassers

be allowed to live

or should they be put to a slow,

horrible, painful death?

[cheering]

Puffy?

I do not know this Puffy

of whom you speak.

I am Makatunga!

God of the Swamp People.

God?

You're not a God. You're...

A God. Definitely a God.

Wait, wait. Let me understand.

You people are being ruled

by a talking oven mitt?

O great Makatunga, what is your will?

Shall they live or shall they die?

You really have to think about it?

Kill them!

Just kidding, just kidding.

Let them live.

[laughs]

Stinker!

[gasps]

Rickies.

I hate those guys.

Why are they following our followees?

Somebody better go tell Mom.

Everyone! Be quiet!

I am sad today.

La-la-la...

Are you deaf?

I don't know who these people

that we're following,

but we're not the only ones interested.

The Rickies are following them too.

Rickies? What on earth?

Whatever their reasons are,

those Rickies never mean any good.

They must be as intrigued as we are

by the sudden appearance

of a white wolf.

Mom, you are so smart.

You make us all look like geniuses!

Gorgeous, ravishing geniuses!

Quiet! I need to think.

I've thought it over,

and the answer's no.

I'm definitely not deaf.

[whispers]

Shi-Sha.

Shi-Sha!

No.

Shaman Shi-Sha is my name.

Of course it is.

I was drinking to your health.

This here my granddaughter, Nanty.

Semi-baron Fafl at your service.

My name is Savva. This is Anggee.

Anggee and I old friends,

aren't we, cher?

[chuckles]

It held.

Yes. You still think

you can't do it for the others?

I don't have the strength.

I'm old and weak now.

What are you guys talking about?

Have you been watching us?

My Nanty have been watching

this li'l skinny mullet here.

Watching me? Why?

We are waiting for the one

with the heart of the warrior.

[laughing]

I'm afraid you are a scentless dog

hunting the wrong fox.

No offense.

I just wanted to pay my respects.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes