Adam's Rib Page #6

You're shaking the law by the tail,

and l don't like it!

l'm ashamed of you, Amanda.

-ls that so?

-Yes, that's so.

We've had differences, and l've always

tried to see your point of view...

but this time you've got me stumped.

You haven't tried to see my point of view.

You haven't any respect for my....

There we go.

Here we go again. The old juice.

Guaranteed heart-melter.

A few female tears.

-l can't help it!

-Stronger than any acid.

But this time they won't work.

You can cry from now

until the jury comes in...

and it won't make you right,

and it won't win you that silly case!

Adam! Please, try to understand!

Don't you want your rubdown?

-Want a drink?

-No.

Do you want anything?

What, honey?

Let's all be manly!

...and represents a wanton waste

of the taxpayers' money.

l have called these few witnesses...

to assist me in graphically

illustrating my point:

That woman as the equal of man

is entitled to equality before the law.

They have been carefully selected

to testify in this case...

each representing a particular branch

of American womanhood...

for not only one woman is on trial here,

but all women.

Your Honor, l submit that not one

of this long string of witnesses...

has any direct bearing on the case.

For years,

women have been ridiculed, pampered...

chucked under the chin.

l ask you on behalf of us all,

be fair to the fair sex.

We'll be here a year.

Mrs. Bonner, couldn't you cover

the ground with three witnesses?

Well, Dr. Margaret Brodeigh,

will you take the stand, please?

With this witness to be examined...

this case will continue

for at least two days.

With Your Honor's permission,

l'll report that no new cases...

-are to be added to our calendar.

-So ordered.

Left hand on the Bible,

raise your right hand.

You swear that the evidence

you'll give to the jury...

will be nothing but the truth,

so help you God?

-l do.

-Be seated. Your name and address.

Dr. Margaret Brodeigh,

58 East 88th Street.

Dr. Brodeigh, would you be good enough

to state your age?

Thirty-three.

-Your occupation?

-Chemist.

Will you tell the court

what position or positions you now hold?

Gladly. Chief Consulting Chemist,

lnstitute for Advanced Studies...

Director, Brodeigh-Halleck Laboratories...

civilian consultant, United States Army

Chemical Warfare Service...

advisor to Supply Officer,

British Embassy...

Director of Chemical Field Research,

United States Department of Agriculture.

That's this year.

Will you tell the court

what degrees you have?

Well, let's see.

A.B., B.S., Bryn Mawr.

M.A., Ph.D., M.D., Columbia.

Then.... Do you want

the European ones, too?

-Please.

-Well...

Diplme des Sciences Chimiques

de la Sorbonne, Paris.

Docteur Honoris Causae de Philosophie,

Universit....

l see. How many months

have you been foreman, Mrs. McGrath?

Seventeen.

And this promotion placed under you

how many?

-Any men?

-Mostly.

-They didn't complain?

-Couldn't. Seniority.

-Does your husband object?

-No.

-ls he employed?

-Yes.

-Where?

-Under me.

Just what do you mean by

''show business,'' Miss La Pere?

Well, l mean all different kinds

of show business.

There's carnival and vaudeville,

Ringling Brothers, nightclubs.

-l even did legit once.

-What do you do?

lt changes, see?

Take, for instance, tumbling.

l used to do a lot of tumbling...

but it gets corny, and l'm stuck with

the role of flip-flap--

-What are they?

-Well, it's a....

They start with a....

Hey, look.

That's it.

But nobody wants it. lt's corny.

So then l got trapeze work and high bar...

but l'm getting a little heavy

for that now...

so two years back l got into this lift act.

l'm one of the only female

under-standers around.

-What?

-We do this open pyramid...

where l support five men.

Surely you're not

the only female who does that.

No, l mean in the act. Oh, a gag.

That's pretty good.

Yeah, support.

That was a good one.

-Let's get on, Counsel, shall we?

-Yes, sir.

Now, what do you consider

your best physical...

or athletic accomplishment?

My lifts, l guess.

l was out last year, these three

Olympic guys and me. Just lifts.

l've done the finish where l lift

the champ with his barbell, together.

-What?

-Yeah. This was a good act.

You see, they lift, lift, lift...

and then the last guy does

a one-hand 350 barbell lift.

Then while he's still got it up,

l lift him with his barbell, together...

peeled down so they could tell

l was a woman.

-Remarkable.

-Yeah, l used to get a good hand.

Can you lift any man?

Well, l don't know.

-Could you lift Mr. Bonner?

-Who's he?

Your Honor, l object to this farce.

l call to counsel's attention....

-That's him.

-Sure.

May it please the court,

l strenuously object...

to the methods being used in this matter...

if for no other reason that it's an

insult to the dignity of the court.

We all love the circus. l love it

as much as anybody else, but it seems--

-No!

-l'll get you up here. That's it.

-Clap your hands.

-Put him down!

Your Honor,

l am only trying to demonstrate--

-Let me down, lady!

-Come down from there!

Your Honor!

Just put him down!

Put him down.

-Let me down, lady.

-Now, baby, there you are now.

Hello, thing.

l'm sorry l'm so late, darling, but l....

Guess who this is for?

Darling, please.

You're real mad,

or is this a tease or what?

Real mad.

Shouldn't we talk about it?

Don't you want to hear my side?

Adam, don't you want to talk to me?

Well, what is it? Did l go too far?

lf you think l did, then l'm sorry.

Can't l apologize?

Didn't you ever go too far?

Once.

lf l'm in the wrong,

l want to make it right...

but you're making a mountain out of

something that isn't even an anthill...

let alone a molehill.

-A hill of beans--

-May l say just one thing?

-Of course.

-Save your eloquence for the jury.

Adam, please, forgive me.

-What for?

-For whatever it is that's upset you.

-You don't know what it is?

-Not exactly, no.

-That's just my point.

-What point?

We've been close,

but we've never been this close...

and l see something in you l've never

seen before, and l don't like it.

-ln fact, l hate it.

-Go ahead.

Contempt for the law,

that's what you've got.

lt's a spreading disease.

You think the law is something you can

get over or get under or get around...

or just plain flaunt.

You start with that,

and you wind up in the....

Well, look at us.

The law is the law,

whether it's good or bad!

lf it's bad, change it,

don't bust it wide open.

You start with one law.

Then pretty soon it's all laws.

Pretty soon it's everything. Then it's me.

-You got no respect for me, have you?

-Not at the moment, no.

Answer me one question, will you?

What is marriage? Tell me that.

-You tell me.

-l will tell you.

lt's a contract. lt's the law.

Are you going to outsmart that the way

you've outsmarted all other laws?

That's very clever.

You've outsmarted yourself,

you've outsmarted me and everything.

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