Against The Current

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(CHILDREN CHATTERING)

(WOMAN SIGHS)

Good morning.

Hi.

You sleep all right?

(GRUNTING)

You?

Not really.

Ah... There's more Cokes,

and l could get you a coffee if you'd like.

Want to go for some pancakes or something?

l'm totally starving.

Actually, l already had one of those...

Maybe l should get going, anyway.

l gotta take care of some stuff.

(INAUDIBLE)

(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

What the hell do you want?

An incredibly complicated

and elaborate drink

that takes you about 10 minutes to make.

Then l'd like to complain about

how there's no alcohol in it.

That's our best seller.

You want a massage

and manual release with that?

Maybe later.

-PAUL:
l wanted to ask you something.

-Yes?

You have any plans

for the next month or so?

You mean other than going on auditions that

will lead nowhere and babysitting drunks?

l want to do the river swim.

What river swim?

The river swim, the one l've been

talking about since high school,

the entire length of the lower Hudson,

all the way from Troy

to the Verrazano Bridge, 150 miles.

Why?

PAUL:
Just because.

-Just because?

-PAUL:
Right.

You accompany me in a boat,

like we talked about.

What do you say?

Not many people have swam the whole river.

Not many people have dug up

Babe Ruth and driven around

with his skeleton in their car either,

which was another idea

that we had one drunken night.

l know, but l mean it.

l want to swim the river.

We can leave Monday

and be back by the 28th.

Why now?

Why not?

Sarah's not going to like it.

LIZ:
Hi.

Hey.

Liz... Hi. You remember Paul.

Sure. You're a financial writer or something?

Or something, right. And you waitressed

here a couple of summers ago.

Never again.

A sentiment shared by the management.

l wasn't that bad.

Nor were you any good.

You're actually a teacher, right?

Yeah.

For retarded kids or something.

No, regular ones.

Oh. Don't know where l got that.

May l have a very strong

vodka and soda, please, Jeff?

One Alcoholic's Special coming up.

So, what are you boys up to tonight?

Talking about 19-year-old girls

with big tits or something?

Maybe. What's it to you?

Actually, it looks like

we're going on a swimming trip.

A swimming trip?

-Thank you.

-Yeah.

Paul's gonna swim the entire length

of the Hudson River.

Why would you do that?

Why do people climb Everest?

Most people don't.

l didn't realize you were a big-time swimmer.

l'm not. It's iust an idea l had long ago

and it's just kind of stayed with me,

to swim all the way down the river

to where it meets the ocean.

Don't you think you'd get a little pooped?

PAUL:
(CHUCKLING)

l don't swim it all at once.

lt's more a psychological challenge

than a physical one.

Anyone could do it if they wanted to.

Totally eccentric, l like it.

Then come with us.

-Right, right.

-JEFF:
Really.

Or just go instead of me.

Come on.

You're asking me to take a couple weeks off

and drive a boat,

slowly, down the Hudson river

while you're in the water all day?

lf she wants to come, thank God.

lt'll give me someone

to make fun of you with to pass the time.

Well, l don't want to interfere if it's gonna...

If it's some sort of male bonding thing.

Please. If we were any more bonded,

we'd be 69-ing each other.

-You should come with us.

-l actually could come.

l don't start school till after Labor Day.

We could spend a night at my mom's house

in Rhinebeck,

along the way, if you want. Free beds.

See? She's from the Hudson Valley, too.

She's one of us.

l'm not sure.

What kind of bathing suits do you have?

'Cause we usually wear a two-piece.

(LAUGHING)

l don't think it'd be very much fun.

-lt might be.

-l don't know.

SARAH:
You finally take some time off...

l think it's really important to him

for some reason.

So you and Paul get to spend

three weeks alone together

and l get to sit here all by myself.

Liz is coming with us, too.

The girl from the bar? Are you kidding me?

She wants to come.

What?

Is Paul sleeping with her or something?

No.

-Are you?

-No.

-Then why is she coming?

-Just for fun.

Why didn't you ask me if l wanted to come?

-JEFF:
Do you?

-No, it's stupid.

Then don't come.

F*** you.

Right.

-SARAH:
What?

-Hmm? Nothing.

SARAH:
What?

Nothing.

Because l feel like getting out of the city, l...

Neither of them.

No.

l'll, uh... l'll call you when we get close.

Three weeks or so.

Yeah, l guess it is a three-week vacation,

if you want to call it that.

(VIBRATING)

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

JEFF:
Yeah, we'll probably get there

around about 1:
00.

We can drop off the car, head down

to the waterfront and find a boat.

LIZ:
You're really gonna buy a boat?

Yeah, it's easier than trying to rent one.

We'll get a used one or something.

What are you gonna do with it

when we get to the city?

l don't know.

Try to sell it or something, l guess.

LIZ:
How much do boats cost?

l'm not sure. Don't worry about it.

l didn't realize l was traveling

with John D. Rockefeller here.

Which way to the boatyard?

-MAN:
Can l help you?

-We're looking to buy a boat.

Well, you sure can't have one for free!

(LAUGHING)

(COUGHING)

(CONTINUES COUGHING)

-What kind of boat?

-What?

What kind of boat are you looking for?

Oh, uh, the smallest one you got.

Like a canoe?

JEFF:
A motor boat.

With a weak motor.

-A weak motor?

-Weakest one you got.

He's gonna swim down the river to the city

and we need to ride next to him.

So iust, you know,

anything that can putter along beside.

-You're swimming to New York City?

-Yeah.

ls it some sort of charity-type of thing,

or a dollar-a-mile or something?

Not really.

Hmm.

Well, l got an old whaler with

an old 70-horsepower engine.

Couldn't outrun a turtle.

(MAN COUGHS)

MAN:
2,400 bucks.

PAUL:
Sounds reasonable.

Yeah, l believe that's the going rate

for old boats with weak engines.

Right.

You folks done much boating before?

(MAN COUGHS)

LIZ:
Hmm...

l have.

l went to summer camp on Lake George,

and we had waterskiing, we...

Sometimes they let us steer the boat.

Well, this boat couldn't pull a turtle,

much less a skier.

What's with the turtles?

Piloting a boat is a lot different

from driving a car.

But it, um, starts with a key, right?

Yeah. But it's got no brakes, for starters.

Neither did my last car. l think we'll be fine.

How do l look?

Like a total dick. What'd that getup run you?

-Uh, not much. l bought it used.

-LIZ:
Ew.

Let's head up to the very beginning

of the river.

To the dam where the first lock is.

We'll start from there.

(EXHALES)

Okay, then.

Don't drink the water.

-PAUL:
Damn it!

-LIZ:
What?

lt's freezing!

Really? Isn't that, uh, your...

Like, your thing?

Doesn't your thing keep you warm?

PAUL:
What thing?

Your outfit.

You know what? l think it's broken.

l'm getting out. It's too cold.

Bullshit you're getting out!

Get used to it and start swimming.

-lt's freezing!

-Your idea, pal.

We didn't come all this way

to get jerked around,

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