Alexander's Ragtime Band Page #3

- Late again, huh?

- Who, me? I was on the ferryboat...

Now listen to me.

And this goes for all of you.

When I say 2:
00, I mean 2:00.

These rehearsals are just twice

as important as any performance.

We may be tops in this town,

but we haven't even started yet.

Now, if you fellas wanna stick with me,

try to get somewhere, like New York,

you're going to have to work.

Now, come on, let's snap into it.

Don't forget that this is an opening night.

You've gotta be better than just good.

Cut that.

Go ahead, Charlie.

Start over again

from the beginning, Charlie.

Louie.

Bill.

Take the melody.

You take the counterpoint.

All right, fellas. Let's fake it

till we get our orchestrations.

Take over for me, Charlie.

Imagine, you and me like this.

Imagine.

- What happened?

- Don't ask me.

The roof fell in on us.

The minute I started

to sing that song...

The whole world stopped for me.

I'm afraid I even forgot to take a bow.

Let me look at you...

for the first time.

That's for tonight.

And that's for all the times

I've wanted to break your neck.

And that's for all the times

I've wanted to slap your ears down.

Do you suppose we've been in love

with each other all this time?

Me? In love with that awful person with

the platinum hair and the loud mouth?

Heaven forbid!

Say, you were no Christmas package

yourself, you know.

Oh, darling.

Don't you understand?

I'm an artist.

- Like Pygmalion.

- Like who?

Oh, just a Greek who took a hunk of marble

and molded it and polished it

into a beautiful woman.

Then fell in love with her.

Then you mean that you've just

fallen in love with your... with your...

- Handiwork.

- Oh, that isn't so.

You loved me

from the first day you saw me.

Platinum hair, loud mouth and everything.

I guess you're right.

This is the real thing, isn't it?

It's the realest thing

that ever happened to me.

- Don't say a word.

- What?

- Hello, Charlie.

- Don't apologize, don't explain.

I know all about it.

I was there when it happened.

I pour out my heart

in a song to some dame.

She takes the song

and pours out her heart to the boss.

Well, I told you it was a good song.

If you hadn't written it,

the little lady and I would have probably

gone on through life slugging each other.

- Well, when's the wedding?

- Don't be so practical.

He's just started courting me.

There, go buy me some flowers. The

long-stemmed ones that cost $20 a dozen.

- The kind I've never had.

- I will not.

Next you'll be wanting a Kodak, and then

a leopard coat, and then a tin Lizzie.

- You'll get ham and eggs, and like it!

- Ham and eggs and champagne.

- Champagne for breakfast?

- Certainly. This is a champagne breakfast.

- Good morning. Three?

- Please.

This way, please.

And while we're guzzling it,

we'll have to do a little figuring.

- You know who's in town?

- No, who?

Charles Dillingham.

The big boy himself.

Alec, this is the break

you've been waiting for.

Yes, sir.

- Bring me a phone, please.

- At once.

This is Mr. Dillingham's secretary.

Who's calling, please?

I'm sorry. Mr. Dillingham is busy.

No, he's not granting any interviews.

But this is a very important matter.

My name is Alexander.

I have a very fine band,

and I'm sure Mr. Dillingham

would be interested in...

Hello?

Hello?

Well, that doesn't seem

to be the proper approach.

Why don't we go down to the hotel,

grease a few palms?

Get everybody talking about

Alexander's Ragtime Band:

the elevator boy, the chambermaid,

the barber. Din it in his ears.

Oh, but that would

only make him suspicious.

I'm gonna get him to the Cliff House

if I have to drag him.

You know, those big guys all like to eat.

Give me that phone.

Stella, you're marvelous.

Uh, Evergreen 2435.

I was reading an interview

of his in The Post last week.

Uh, hello.

Uh... Mr. Dillingham's suite, please.

But you won't be able to

get through the secretary.

I got an idea. Hello,

may I speak to Mr. Dillingham, please.

Well, then, will you

tell him this is Henri?

Henri!

I was for many years

the chef at the Astor House.

I used to cook Pompereau Henri

special for Mr. Dillingham.

I read he's in town and I would like to fix

for him some baby lobsters a la Henri.

- Baby lobsters?

- What's that?

Oh, a chef named Henri wants to

cook some baby lobsters for you.

He was formerly at the Astor.

Baby lobsters in August?

Must be first of the season.

Splendid. Find out where he is.

Where am I? Where would I be?

Chef at the Cliff House, of course.

Then I can expect him tonight?

Oh, thank you very much!

Kiss Papa.

Hey, wait a minute.

I'm the guy that did it.

Hey, Davey.

What did you say?

I'll lay you ten to

one he doesn't show up.

Yeah? You got yourself a bet, brother.

And no welshing.

You welsher.

Hey, boss, how about me

doing my number for the old boy?

- That'll land us all on Broadway.

- Yeah. Sitting right on our curbstones.

Come on, let's give 'em everything

you got. The clowning can come later.

It's nerves, maestro.

We're about to be discovered.

- Oh, teacher, will I be discovered?

- Yes, right now.

The number 11, boys.

- Oh, but Mr. Dillingham ain't here yet.

- That's the idea. Or that was the idea.

Oh, let it ride.

I've been double-crossed before.

Oh!

- What are you doing here?

- Listen, Ruby. Quick, lend me ten bucks.

What did you do with that ten

I gave you last night?

Oh, hurry up, hurry up.

Come on. I'll pay you back.

I'd think you'd be ashamed, taking my

hard-earned money to lose in a crap game.

Say, you oughta be glad

to lend me ten bucks!

Suppose war is declared and I gotta

go to the front and get killed in action?

You'd be very happy

to know that you were the one

who lent me ten bucks

when I needed it most.

Stop. You're breaking my heart.

Look, look! Dillingham!

- Oh, boy.

- Oh.

- Good evening, Mr. Dillingham.

- Good evening.

- You won't need a check.

- Thank you.

- Must be...

- He's here! He's here!

The gray-haired man.

- Alex, let's do the new one.

- How about me? I'll slay him.

- Get Stella to come out.

- Ah, Stella.

Frank. Frank!

- Check on those baby lobsters right away.

- Yes, sir.

- And don't forget that whistle trick.

- You got it.

- Any special wine, Mr. Dillingham?

- I'll leave it all to Henri.

- He knows what I like.

- Yes, sir.

Pardon me. Won't you join me?

Oh, thank you,

but I'm not allowed to sit with the guests.

Well, I'm Charles Dillingham.

- Mr. Dillingham, the theatrical producer?

- Yes.

Oh, well, I really shouldn't, but... I'm

sure Mr. Alexander won't mind this time.

- I'm sure he won't.

- Thank you.

- He's rising for the bait.

- Leave it to Stella.

She'll have him eating out of her hand.

Look. Champagne.

- Won't be long now.

- Yeah, she'll be in his lap any minute.

Another crack like that

and I'll throw you right out that door.

If he's talking business, why

isn't he talking to you?

Or is she managing the band now?

Alex will be there when the time comes.

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