Ali's Wedding

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Stop the vehicle immediately.

Stop it right there.

I repeat, pull over.

I am giving you a direction

to stop the vehicle.

Failure to comply with my direction

is an offense.

Stop the tractor.

You are under arrest for trespass

and theft of a conveyance.

Stop being a d*ckhead and pull over.

I can't, mate.

I'm trying to get to the airport.

OK, OK.

Ahh!

Sorry.

My dad has a saying.

A lie begins in the soul

and then travels the world.

There have been three lies

that have shaped my life.

The first is the one that saved

my father's life before I was born.

Mahdi! Baathists! Run!

Mother, go!

Mahdi, come with us.

I can't leave my mother.

Mother, you must go!

No, take me!

- He's a good boy.

- Mother, no!

Leave her!

He was arrested by Saddam Hussein's men

for opposing the dictator.

He would have been killed,

had it not been for his friends

posing as prison guards.

Mahdi.

They escaped

by crossing the border to Iran.

Surely, that was a good lie?

I mean, without it,

I wouldn't even be here today.

The second lie was us believing

we could have a life as Iraqis in Iran.

Whoa, Ali, look.

Persian girls are hot.

Move over. My turn.

Did you see that?

She just flashed me.

You godless Arab donkey!

She fell into my eye, I promise!

Ali, look over there.

Where? I can't see anything.

Behind the door.

God! She has red hair!

You lying Arab donkey. Again?

I should send you back to Saddam!

I wasn't looking! I swear on the Prophet!

Eventually, we realized

we were never going to make it in Iran.

We have just flown out of Iranian airspace

and can now serve alcohol in all cabins.

So please, sit back and enjoy

our in-flight service toMelbourne.

So it begins.

Swap.

This leads to my third lie,

my biggest lie.

Do I look like someone who eats bacon?

And as you and God are my witnesses...

Come Judgment Day, you answer.

Today, this lie must end.

Today, I will tell you the whole truth.

Prayer has started.

Kill them, Bombers! Kill them!

God be with you, Watson. Run!

- Goal!

- Yes, come on Bombers.

Ali, study.

- Mineralocorticoids...

- God is with us!

Om Hassan.

Remember Yaqoub,

from my village?

Mustafa found him here,

in the detention center.

Yaqoub knows the guy

who supplies my cousin Jaasems shop

in Basra.

Beep beep. Mafia coming through.

- Om Hassan.

- Wait, Mohammed.

- Mum, don't worry.

- What are you doing?

The supplier told Yaqoub he...

Om Hassan.

Please listen.

The supplier told Yaqoub,

he saw my mother.

My mother. Alive.

- Still alive?

- In Basra.

- Grandmother is alive?

- Ali, study.

Thank God.

I may finally have a mother-in-law.

God willing.

One week to go, son.

Keep doing what you're doing.

You will reap rewards.

Come on, Bombers.

Top student.

- Prayer has started.

- This is the last quarter.

- What's this?

- Adult science. You wouldn't know it.

What is it?

If you must know, it's the pancreas.

- Om Hassan.

- Lucky guess.

Go away, Ramona.

Tick tock, tick tock

Will you pass?

Will you not?

Tackle.

Baba.

Bring your mother

and your costume for the play.

Why did we choose the Bombers?

All they do is tear my heart apart.

Like you.

In the time of theBani Umayyah empire,

the prince and his treasurer

were walking along,

when they came across an old man,

planting a date seed.

This date seed will only bear fruit

after your death.

What will you gain?

Old men have planted before me

and I have eaten their fruit.

The prince was very moved by this.

He turned to his treasurer and said...

Wow, old man, you are so...

Ali, son. No improvising, please.

Sorry.

Sister, please.

Exalted one. You suggest...

Jamal's parents came last week

to ask for her hand,

and they did not get to drink the tea.

- Mum.

- What?

Thank you, Yomna.

The prince turned to his treasurer

signaling for another purse.

I'm signaling for another purse.

But this time his treasurer

put up his hand and said:

Enough wisdom.

This damn date seed

will bankrupt our kingdom.

He thinks this place

is a theater for making jokes,

and they pay him,

and I'm the one driving a taxi.

Brothers and sisters.

We do not know what fruit

our seeds will bear.

But if our hearts

and intentions are pure,

the rewards can be

a thousand times what we expect.

Auditions for this year's musical

will be held after Friday prayer.

Will we encore our hit show,

The Prophet's Last Battle?

I still know my lines.

Hajjina, we have been singing

about the Prophet's battle

for three years now.

This year, inshallah,

I will write a more...

contemporary musical.

I'm tingling with anticipation.

The Trial of Saddam Hussein.

It will be comedy.

The man caused us so much pain.

Believe me, now he will make us laugh.

What brilliance.

Sheikhna!

You follow in the steps of a great man.

May you draw upon his wisdom

for your exam.

- Ayoob.

- Yeah.

That's her.

Who?

I'm going to talk to her.

Not here.

Ali, no.

I'll get the jumper leads from my car.

I'll help you.

Yes, please. Jumper leads.

OK. Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Will you be wanting milk tonight?

Ali, my boy,

I missed your father's wisdom?

Just by an hour.

It's not my fault. I blame my wives.

Especially that one.

The tall one.

She has to stop for Nando's,

and she left the damn headlights on.

What are you doing?

Ali.

Eyes here.

Jumper leads!

I hope you're ready for the big exam,

son of the cleric.

Jumper leads!

- Man, you won't get into medicine.

- Yes, I will.

- I got a degree in science, didn't I?

- Just.

They gave him a science degree too.

Yeah, but he hasn't spent the last year

studying for the entrance exam.

Have you?

Look man, I'm physically, emotionally

and spiritually ready

to sit this goddamn exam.

Do you even want to do medicine?

He has to sit the exam.

I'm a forklift driver.

My father makes me sit the exam.

Except I'm smart enough

to know I'm stupid.

- Put it back.

- Twinnies.

I don't want to know. Reseal it.

Hey, is that the one?

Oh yeah.

Tonight's the night.

I'm going to talk to her.

- You already did.

- Yeah, we had a great conversation.

- But this is the next level.

- Ali.

Don't do the stupid voice. No one gets it.

Good evening.

I see you came for the milk.

And I've got something special

to show you.

Or a special that we have.

The Chupa Chups. They're on special.

Not a special. Ten for five dollars.

So if I spend $50,

you'd give me 100?

We don't have that many in stock.

It's a pity. That's all I wanted.

Do you need a hand carrying these

to your father's shop?

- It's two bottles.

- So you're OK?

Yeah, I'm OK.

Are you sure

you don't want the president of Iraq

to help you carry the milk bottles?

Dictator.

That was Saddam Hussein's voice.

- You can Google it.

- I don't think I will be.

- You sitting the medical entrance exam?

- Yeah. I'm going to be a doctor.

Charlie.

My name's Ali, but this is

the Aussie version, so it's Charlie.

Yeah, I know who you are,

son of the cleric.

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