Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore Page #5

You don't like me very much, do you?

Not very much, no.

Honey, that's okay.

I've been dumped on by kings in my time.

I don't doubt it.

Flo, I really don't need anybody

making speeches for me...

so I'd appreciate it if you'd just

leave me out of your jokes, okay?

-Jokes? What jokes?

-The little routine you do for the fellas.

Just leave me out of it.

I sure would hate to have breakfast

with you every morning of my life.

You don't have to worry.

There's not much danger of that.

God, I hate that place.

I said I would hate it, I was right. I hate it.

But I earned $17 in tips today.

Not bad.

Mel said I'll do better in a week or so.

How long do you think

we'll have to stay in this hellhole?

TOMMY:
Quit it, Mom.

Quit it, Mom.

You better stop.

ALICE:
No, Tommy. No more.

ALICE:
That's it, no more.

Honey, I was only kidding.

Don't do it.

You'll get it all over everything.

Tom, I'm warning you, don't do it.

If you do, you'll be sorry.

You'll be very sorry

because I'll drench you.

I will. I'll pour it all on your head.

I quit! No more!

Okay, that's enough.

No, no more! Don't!

Come on, cut it out. That's enough now.

TOMMY:
You sure?

ALICE:
Yes, I'm sure. Stop.

Look at this mess.

This is terrible. What have we done?

You!

BOY:
Bye.

TOMMY:
Bye.

Weird.

Very weird.

He's even weird for Tucson, and Tucson

is the weird capital of the world.

I didn't know that.

-What's your name?

-Tom.

Mine's Audrey. It's really not.

It's Doris, but I like Audrey better.

Weird.

You want to get high on Ripple?

TOMMY:
What?

AUDREY:
You want to get high on Ripple?

No, I can't.

TOMMY:
What about your folks?

AUDREY:
My dad split two years ago.

Mom turns tricks at the Ramada Inn

from 3:
00 p.m. on.

What if she came home?

She wouldn't even notice.

I could have a troop

of bare-assed Eagle Scouts...

in for the afternoon

and she wouldn't blink an eye.

AUDREY:
Is your mom a hard-nose?

TOMMY:
No, a singer.

-Or a waitress, I guess.

-A singing waitress.

Weird.

So you want Ripple or not?

No, not today. Maybe Wednesday.

-I'll see you then.

-Right. Bye-bye.

What about Friday?

No, I can't. I'm sorry. Thank you.

New Year's Eve?

I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna be here

for New Year's Eve.

What am I doing wrong?

It's not that.

It's the beard. I'll cut it off.

-No, I like your beard.

-You do?

You want some more coffee?

ALICE:
Tommy, what are you doing?

Come on, honey, cut it out.

Why don't you go play

with your girlfriend Audrey, or something?

She's got the curse.

ALICE:
In that case, why don't you go

to that last table...

sit down, shut up, and don't move?

-Don't even twitch.

-Mom, I'm bored.

B-O-R-E-D.

Bored!

I lost my place.

-You want to read something good?

-What is it?

The Bride Screamed Murder.

The Bride Screamed Murder.

VERA:
You can color it if you want to.

We're going to have to stop

meeting like this.

AL:
Good night.

ALICE:
Good night, Al.

AL:
Have a good night tonight.

ALICE:
You, too.

ALICE:
Do you drive a motorcycle?

-No, my father picks me up.

-I see.

-Did you want to meet him?

-I'd like to.

-I just came to escort you home.

-Thank you, sir.

VERA:
Alice, this is my daddy, Duke.

DUKE:
Charmed, I'm sure.

ALICE:
How do you do?

Very nice.

Neat motorcycle.

Weird.

Daddy Duke?

I can't open this.

-Where did you put the butter last night?

-I never laid a finger on it.

The hell you didn't.

You can kiss me

where the sun don't shine.

I'll kiss you anywhere you want.

Where the hell's the butter?

Why don't you give yourself a jack job

in a paper sack...

and get off my back?

Hi. Come on in, there.

You ready for some eggs and grits?

I'll get the hash browns

and the coffee on, sugar.

Got it all ready.

Hi.

DAVID:
Come outside.

I got something to show you.

TOMMY:
Wow, is this yours?

TOMMY:
Neat horse.

Mom, he's got a fantastic horse out there

that I can ride. Can I go?

No, I don't think so.

Mom, I'm going just crazy in here.

Just crazy!

ALICE:
Read a book.

TOMMY:
Mom!

All right, go on. But don't be gone long.

Come back early.

-Will you come on?

-That's very tricky.

DAVID:
I got no shame.

TOMMY:
Let's go.

-He's got a hutch where he raises rabbits.

-I'll bet.

-But horses are the main thing.

-I've seen horses.

I rode this chestnut one

that was named Ribbon.

And hold on! He makes his own ice cream!

He asked us out there Sunday.

Farmer John's gonna have to get along

without me, I'll tell you that.

-I want to go.

-No.

-Yes!

-No!

-Yes!

-No!

Sh*t!

ALICE:
Don't run over us.

DAVID:
Hold him in.

ALICE:
You're doing good, honey.

DAVID:
Took me six years to get this place.

We've got fescue or winter pasture,

you know.

Right before you get to that bare stuff.

And that's alfalfa,

or it will be in two months.

I see.

ALICE:
Gee, it's just--

DAVID:
It's nice, isn't it?

Yeah, it really is.

Tommy, don't use your fingernails.

She'll kick that bucket over.

TOMMY:
Okay.

Very funny.

That's wonderful, darling.

How would you like the holy hell

kicked out of you?

Tommy, watch the fingernails.

Christ, she's got tits

the size of cucumbers.

What do you expect?

I just don't know where he gets

that language. I really don't.

Think real hard. It'll come to you, lady.

Maybe he picks it up at school.

Cooking utensils? Right.

Hey, you going to come help us with this?

No. I can't sing that kind of music.

-You can try it.

-No--

TOMMY:
Let's try again.

For somebody who says

he can only boil water...

you got a lot of fancy equipment out there.

What?

-In the kitchen, that stuff.

-My wife got those things.

-I didn't know you were married.

-I'm not. I was married...

but we split up about two years ago.

She divorced me, took the kids, and split.

ALICE:
I'm sorry I asked.

DAVID:
No, it's okay, it's just...

she wanted this, I wanted that.

She said, "I'm leaving."

I held the door for her.

TOMMY:
Come on, a person could go crazy

waiting in here.

A person could also

get his face slapped, too, you know?

TOMMY:
I bet I could.

ALICE:
That's right, you could.

ALICE:
Can you get him?

DAVID:
Yeah.

DAVID:
I hardly recognize him

with his mouth closed.

ALICE:
Isn't that the truth?

DAVID:
He's a good kid.

ALICE:
Good night.

DAVID:
Good night.

ALICE:
I had a real good time.

DAVID:
Me, too.

Steve, you better watch it.

You're going to draw back a bloody stub.

I changed the price

on the combination here.

Listen, tell Alice her roast beef is ready.

Where is Alice?

She's out there in the john,

trying to get her knees unwelded.

Why don't you lay off her? She's all right.

I like her. She doesn't like me.

Go, go on.

FLO:
Here, honey, I'm sorry.

Mel gave me the order at the same time.

FLO:
I had to bring you a salad--

MAN:
How about some service over here?

-Flo, ready on the BLT!

-Right!

MEL:
Flo, where's Vera?

We got three orders piled over here!

Flo, where the hell's Vera?

What's the matter?

You didn't get your milk?

FLO:
You're absolutely right.

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