All About 'Abigail's Party' Page #2

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I thought, "Ooh, what's happened?"

And you know what?

The bed head had arrived and no bed!

No, Ange! Oh, that's disgraceful, isn't it?

- You've been sleeping on the floor, haven't you?

- Yes.

We've got a mattress from Tony's mum's,

but it's not the same.

No.

Well, let's face it, Tone.

You can't do much with a bed head, can you?

- What line of business are you in?

- He's in computers.

- That's funny, my brother's in computers.

- (ANGE) Is he?

- Yes, he's a programs?

- Analyst.

Oh, yes. Tony's just an operator.

Oh. I know it's a fantastic job, though, Tone.

'Cause my brother, Ange,

he had to go to college and get exams.

- And he studied for years, didn't he?

- Yes.

Did you have to do that, Tone,

go to college and all?

- You didn't really, did you?

- No.

- No.

- Hmm.

- These are lovely.

- They are, aren't they? Nice and dainty.

- Nine to five, is it?

- No, there's a lot of variation.

Shift work.

It's a two-weekly system.

One week I work from 8am to 4pm,

then I work from four till midnight,

every other Saturday off.

- Were you off today, Tone?

- Yes, I was.

It's lucky, 'cause if I'm working on a Saturday,

and he's off, he can do the shopping.

Oh. Don't you find shopping boring, Ange?

- Mmm.

- I do. I hate it.

He takes me down in the car, I get my wheelie,

Tone, I whiz in and grab anything I can see,

bung it in my wheelie, he writes me a cheque,

we bung it in the car,

- and then it's done for the week.

- Beverly's not very organised.

She doesn't believe in making shopping lists.

- You have a car, do you?

- Yes, an Escort.

- A yellow one?

- Yes.

- I've seen it.

- Yes, it's beautiful.

- Beverly was saying you only like Minis.

- No, no, not at all, no.

I don't only like Minis. No, I like lots of other cars.

But I find the Mini economic, efficient and reliable.

And the most suited for my purposes.

Of course, I change my car every year.

Yeah, but what I say, Ange, is this.

What's the point in changing your car

just to change the colour?

That's not all you change, Beverly!

The design does alter!

- You're not a motorist. You don't understand.

- OK, Laurence!

- I know I failed my test three times...

- Three times!

Plus, Ange, I'm his wife. A wife

should have a little say in choosing the car.

When you've passed your test,

you can have a little say.

Until then, Beverly, please leave it to me.

Let me put it this way, Ange.

When we chose the furniture,

we chose it together.

When we chose the house, we chose it together.

- But when it comes to...

- Beverly, that is a ridiculous argument.

Buying a house is one of the most important

decisions you ever make in your life.

- Don't you agree?

- Yes.

- Isn't it, Tony?

- Definitely.

'Cause it was so worrying

with the mortgage and everything.

- 'Cause I never thought I'd live in a house.

- Didn't you, Ange?

- No.

- Excuse me, I'm afraid I really must be off.

- Don't be all night, please, Laurence.

- No.

I do apologise. I shan't be long.

- Don't forget the light ales!

- No. And the lagers.

- Are you going to take your test again?

- I'll have another try, Ange.

Don't get me wrong, Tone. It's not that

I can't drive. In fact, I'm a good driver.

But let me put it to you this way.

When I get to my test, my nerves fail me.

D'you know what I mean?

It was my nerves

that failed me last time, Ange.

Because I set off, Tone, behind this bloke who

was taking his test - a Chinese bloke, actually.

Right, so we were going along. Now...

My examiner had told me to turn left, right?

So we came to the first "Give way".

Now, the bloke in front, he slams his brakes on.

Now, I'm going behind him, I suppose

a bit too quick with my nerves, you know.

Right, so I slam my brakes on

and I went slap in the back of him.

Now, I reckon

that prejudiced my examiner against me.

- See what I mean?

- Oh, what a shame.

It was, actually. Can you drive, Ange?

No, I'd like to learn, but Tony won't let me.

He doesn't think I'd be any good.

It's a shame 'cause it's so awkward

for me to get to work since we've moved.

- Yeah.

- I could use the car when he wasn't working.

That would make you

completely independent of Tone.

- Hmm.

- Yeah.

- Did you pass your test first time, Tony?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I thought so, actually.

He looks the type, doesn't he? Yeah.

- Who's for another drink? Ange?

- Yes, please.

- Thanks.

- Tony? Another drink?

- Ta.

- Thanks.

- What's the matter?

- Nothing.

Er, Tony, could you give me a hand, please?

Won't the car start?

No.

- Go on, Tony!

- All right!

You mind you don't

get dirt on your suit, Tone, OK?

- Ange.

- Thanks.

- Cheers!

- Cheers!

Ange...

Can you take a little bit of criticism?

Please don't be offended when I say this,

Ange, but I can see what you've done.

OK, you've sat in front of your mirror

and put your lipstick on.

Next time, will you try this for me?

This is something, Ange, I always

used to tell my customers, and it always works.

Now, next time, sit down in front of your mirror

and just look at yourself and relax.

And just say, "I've got very beautiful lips."

Then take your lipstick and apply it.

And Ange, you'll see the difference,

because then you will be applying that lipstick

to every single corner of your mouth.

- Know what I mean?

- Mmm.

- Will you try it for me?

- Yes.

Just sit in front of your mirror,

look at yourself, relax, and just say?

"I've got very beautiful lips."

Yeah. I promise, Ange,

you'll see the difference! OK?

Mmm. Thanks.

(DOORBELL)

Would you excuse me, Ange,

for one minute?

- That'll be Sue.

- Oh.

- Hi, Sue.

- Hello, Beverly.

- Come in.

- Thank you.

- All right, Sue?

- Yes, thank you.

Come through.

- I'm sorry I'm a bit late.

- Don't worry, Sue.

Would you like to slip your little jacket off?

- Everything all right, Sue?

- Yes, I think so. I hope so!

- That's it. Thanks.

- Thank you.

Like to come through and say hello?

- Ange, this is Sue. Sue, this is Ange.

- Hello.

- How do you do?

- Sue's at Number 9.

- We've just moved into Number 16.

- Really?

- You know the MacDonalds' house?

- Yes.

Sit down, Sue. I won't be a second,

I'll just pop your coat away.

- Make yourself at home!

- Thank you.

- We've only been here a fortnight.

- Oh, really?

- Did you bring that, Sue?

- Yes.

- Is it for us?

- Yes.

- Oh, thank you, Sue.

- It's nothing special, I'm afraid.

- Isn't that kind, Ange?

- Yes.

- Not at all.

- Lovely. Laurence likes a drop of wine.

Fantastic, it's Beaujolais. Lovely.

Won't be a sec. I'll just pop it in the fridge.

I'm so pleased to meet you.

- I want to meet all the neighbours.

- Yes.

Now then, Sue. What would you like to drink?

I'll have a glass of sherry, please.

- A sherry? Are you sure?

- Yes, thanks.

'Cause we've got everything. Gin, whisky,

brandy, vodka, whatever you like.

Would you like a gin and tonic, Sue?

Me and Ange are drinking gin and tonic.

- Oh, all right.

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