All About 'Abigail's Party' Page #4

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- Does she come over on Sundays?

- No, he comes on his own.

Oh, but I suppose, like, when your kids go

over there it's nice for her

- 'cause she's got a ready-made family.

- They don't go over there.

- Well, hardly ever.

- Don't you get on with her?

No.

Well, I hardly know her.

Well, I mean,

if your husband runs off with another woman...

Let's face it, Ange,

you can hardly be the best of mates!

- Now, who's for another drink? Ange?

- Please.

- Thanks.

- Thanks.

- Sue? Another drink?

- I've still got some, thanks.

Come on, I'll give you a top-up. That's it. Lovely.

Tony, another drink?

- Ta.

- Thanks.

I think more and more people

are getting divorced these days.

Definitely, Ange, definitely.

Mind you, I blame a lot of it on women's lib.

And on permissiveness

and this wife-swapping business.

- Don't you, Tone?

- I s'pose so.

- Don't you, Sue?

- Possibly.

I mean, take Peter Sellers, for example.

- He's been married five or six times.

- Four, actually.

Is it four, Sue?

Look at Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

Now, to me, Ange, their relationship is ridiculous.

I think they make a mockery of marriage.

It's disgusting.

- They only do it for the publicity.

- Yeah, let's face it, with film stars,

I reckon the attraction is purely physical.

- They did it in the jungle.

- Yeah.

I mean, let's face it, getting divorced,

to a film star, is like going to the lavatory...

...if you'll pardon my French!

But to us, it's a big wrench, isn't it, Sue?

- Yes, of course.

- Yes.

But I think film stars only get married

because the public expects it.

- Do you?

- Yes.

I think people take divorce for granted.

I think if they stuck it out,

they'd be all right, don't you?

But there are times when you could hit 'em

on the head with a rolling pin and clear out!

Well, it's like Tony and me.

We've only been married nearly three years,

but we're always having rows, aren't we?

Yeah.

- Does she give you a bad time, Tone?

- Ta... Shocking.

- I think it spoils things, doesn't it?

- Yes, it does.

Mind you, I reckon, sometimes

a little row adds a sparkle to a relationship.

- Did you have a lot of rows with your husband?

- No, we didn't, actually.

There you go, Ange,

it doesn't always follow, does it?

- No.

- No, it's funny.

- Do you think people should get married, Tony?

- Sometimes.

Ah, he's not so sure, you see,

since he's been married to me!

Perhaps we should live in sin

and forget the whole thing!

Did you live with Laurence

before you got married?

- No, I didn't, no.

- Do you think if you had done,

you'd still have married him?

No!

Don't get me wrong.

I do love Laurence... in my own way.

But, if we'd lived together, say for a year,

I don't honestly think it would have worked out.

- If you have kids you ought to get married.

- Definitely. Give 'em a name.

- Yes.

- You'll be having all this soon, Sue.

- Do you think Abigail is the marrying type?

- I hope so.

- You'll probably get married again yourself soon.

- That's not very likely.

You never know, 'cause

I never thought anyone would marry me.

And I met Tony and we were married

within a year, weren't we?

- Eight months.

- Yes.

- So, you see, it can happen.

- Really?

- Have you got a boyfriend?

- No.

Would you like kids, Ange?

- Yes, I would.

- Would you?

- Would you, Tone?

- Not for a while.

- Not till we're settled in.

- Yeah, get sorted first.

- He'd make a nice dad, though.

- Yes.

Yeah, I could just see you with a little boy,

taking him out and looking after him.

- It would be nice to have one of each.

- Yeah, like Sue.

Mind, it's funny, Ange. Sue's kids, Abigail

and Jeremy, aren't a bit alike, are they, Sue?

- No.

- Like chalk and cheese, Ange.

Sue, how did Jeremy get on

packing his overnight bag?

- He loved it.

- Did he?

You know what kids are like.

He was so excited about packing all his things.

- He'd have taken the kitchen sink.

- Where's he gone?

- Around the corner.

- How old is he?

- Eleven and a half.

- Would you like kids?

No, I don't think I would, really.

Don't get me wrong.

It's not that I don't like kids, because I do.

But let me put it to you this way.

I wouldn't like to actually have to have them.

- Did you have yours in hospital, Sue?

- Yes.

You see, to me, having to go into hospital

would be like being ill, and I couldn't stand that.

I know it sounds horrible,

but having to breastfeed and change nappies

would actually make me heave.

- I don't think I've got that motherly instinct.

- No. You see, it would be different for me

- 'cause I'm used to looking after children.

- Mmm.

With children that are ill,

you've got to watch them every minute.

- Yeah.

- Recently, we had this little girl.

She was only about two

and she kept picking at her dressing.

She picked it all off

and got right down into the wound.

Sorry, Ange, but would you stop?

If you carry on, I'll faint.

- Leave it out, Ange.

- It's all right, she wasn't in any pain.

- But she got the stitches out...

- Drop it!

Did you know

my husband used to be a professional footballer?

- Really?

- He played for Crystal Palace, didn't you?

- Yeah.

- Oh, fantastic!

- It was before I knew him.

- For the reserves?

Oh, no. It was the first team.

- Honestly, is that true?

- For a bit, yeah.

Oh, Tony, that is fantastic!

Sue, we didn't know we had a celebrity

in Richmond Road, did we?

- No, we didn't.

- Tony, that's great.

That's made my night, honestly.

Laurence!

Would you excuse me, please, one minute?

Laurence!

(REGGAE MUSIC FILTERS THROUGH)

Nice music...

...isn't it, Tony?

- Would you like one?

- Thank you.

Ta.

I shouldn't be eating these, we had a big tea.

- Did you eat earlier?

- No, I didn't.

Oh, you must be hungry. Here...

- Have some peanuts.

- Thank you.

Thanks.

Eh, Sue, it's all happening at your place!

Ange, it's so funny!

Your bay window, Sue, at the front, it's wide open

and there's this bloke, he's gotta be 20 stone,

and he's wedged in your bay window.

He's got one of those purple vests on

and a great big fat belly sticking out, like this!

There's this girl, Sue,

standing in your front garden,

she is as thin as he's fat, right,

and she's like this, Ange,

draped around him, and they're snogging away.

- You've never seen anything so funny in your life!

- Oh, dear.

Don't worry, Sue, they're only having a bit of fun.

They're only teenagers.

I wonder if I dare pop down for a minute.

- Shall I go and have a look?

- No.

- It's no problem.

- No, thank you. Better not.

Sue's right. It's best not to pop down.

They're only having a bit of fun. Let's face it,

when Laurence gets back, we can discuss it.

OK?

Now, who's for another drink? Come on, Ange!

- Sue, another drink?

- No, thanks.

I'll just give you a little top-up. That's it. Lovely.

Just to settle your nerves, Sue.

Tony, another drink?

Ta.

- Cheers, Ange.

- Cheers.

- Where is Laurence, anyway?

- I don't know, Tony. I wish I did know.

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