All About 'Abigail's Party' Page #8

---

How can we hold a conversation

with that racket blaring out?

We're not here to hold conversations,

we're here to enjoy ourselves.

Beverly, we are enjoying ourselves.

We're enjoying this conversation.

#... to take to dinner

# Well, she always knows her place

She's got style, she's got grace

# She's a... #

All right, Laurence, all right.

- Sorry about that.

- That's all right.

We're all getting a little bit merry, aren't we?

It's nice for us to have a bit of a break.

Since the move, we've hardly been out.

- Where are you going, Sue?

- I was going to the toilet.

- Not feeling sick again?

- No, I'm fine.

- Shall I come with you?

- No, thank you.

You see, Sue's been vomiting up her gin.

While you were away,

I had to take her to the lavatory.

- Ange, shall we have a little dance?

- Yeah, it would be nice!

- Tone, do you fancy a dance?

- Yeah, I don't mind.

There's no room to dance in here, Beverly.

Laurence, if I wanted somebody to put

a damper on the idea, I'd have asked you first.

OK?

Ange, give us a hand to move the couch.

(LAURENCE) I'll sort that.

(TONY) I'll do that.

- I'll take this corner.

- You just sit down.

Cheers, Tone.

- Got it, Laurence?

- Yes.

- For Christ's sake!

- Don't interfere, Beverly!

- Ready?

- Where do you want it?

Where do you want it?

For God's sake, just move it back there, please.

Just back?

Got this fantastic record I'll play, Ange.

Hang on a sec.

Now, this record, Ange,

it turns my husband on.

And when he hears it,

he cannot resist my charms.

- They're still enjoying themselves down there.

- Yeah.

What were they getting up to?

- Nothing much.

- Ready, Ange?

(MUSIC:
SMOOCHY JAZZ INSTRUMENTAL)

- Isn't it great?

- Mmm.

- Fancy a dance, Tone?

- Dance with Beverly.

Perhaps Laurence would like a dance.

No, I don't think he would, actually.

Come on, Tone. Have a dance.

- All right, Sue?

- Fine, thanks.

Yeah.

- You don't mind me mauling your husband?

- No, go ahead!

- Dance with Laurence.

- No, I can't.

'Course you can. Get up and dance!

Don't worry, Ange, you're quite safe

with Laurence. He won't rape you.

- Do you wanna dance?

- Surely, if you'd like to.

- I'm not very good at these slow dances.

- No.

I'm better at this sort.

- D'you wanna dance with us?

- No, thank you.

- We can all three dance together.

- I'm fine, really.

- Thank you.

- Thanks.

- Laurence was shaking my hand.

- Oh, was he?

Christ, he'll be shaking mine next!

Now, who's for another drink?

- Ange?

- Please.

- Never say no?

- Thanks.

- Tony, another drink?

- No, thanks. I'm all right.

- How about you, Sue?

- No, thank you.

- Are you sure?

- Yes, thanks.

- He's a good dancer, isn't he?

- Fantastic.

I never knew you could dance so well.

- We don't usually dance like that, do we?

- No.

- Ange.

- Thanks.

- Cheers, everyone.

- (ALL) Cheers.

Cheers.

Darling, why don't you dance with Sue?

I don't think Sue wants to dance,

thanks, "Darling".

Then why don't you ask her, Laurence?

- Sue, would you like to dance?

- No, thank you.

- Sue doesn't want to dance!

- Of course she does!

Go on, Sue. Have a dance with Laurence.

Enjoy yourself, go on.

- Would you like to, Sue?

- All right.

- I'll take the glass for you.

- Thank you.

Come on, Tone.

Ange, do you wanna dance with Tone?

No, you're all right.

Are you going on holiday this year, Sue?

- I hope so.

- Expensive business, holidays.

Yes.

- Do you know Paris?

- A little.

Do you?

No.

(MUSIC ENDS)

Thank you.

(NEXT TRACK STARTS)

- Tone, come and sit down.

- Ta.

- Ange, would you throw us some fags, please?

- Mmm.

Cheers, Tone.

- Mind your head!

- It's too big!

- What?

- It's too big!

- What is?

- Your head!

Give it a rest!

- Are you feeling better?

- Much, thank you.

- Ange, like a cigarette?

- Oh, I would.

- Can I have a cigarette?

- Do you want one?

- I'd love one.

- Have one, then.

- Ange, give us a light, would you, please?

- Mmm.

Cheers.

Once you've had one cigarette,

you want to keep on smoking.

This is it, yeah.

- What sort of work do you do?

- I'm in computers.

He's an operator.

- Still play football, Tone?

- No...

He gave it up when he was 20.

He plays for the firm's team, though.

- But he's much better than the others.

- I've only played twice.

He looks so funny in his shorts!

- Why did you give it up?

- Things didn't work out.

- You've got footballer's legs, though.

- Has he?

Have you? Let's have a little look.

Ooh, yes, so he has!

I like footballers' legs.

Nice and muscly, aren't they?

I can't stand blokes

with skinny legs, Ange. Can you?

Puts you off, doesn't it?

- Talking of Paris, Sue, do you like art?

- Yes.

So do I, but Beverly doesn't.

You know that Paris

is the centre of the art world.

- Do you like Van Gogh?

- Yes.

- This is a Van Gogh.

- Yes.

They called him a Post Impressionist,

but to my mind he was more of a Symbolist.

- Do you like the Impressionists?

- Yes.

Oh, you do. That's good. That's fine.

Fine.

- You all right, Tone?

- Yeah.

Of course, you know Van Gogh,

he was a very unstable man.

Not only did he cut his ear off

and leave it in a brothel,

he also ate paint and he shot himself.

Thank you, Laurence,

we don't want all the gory details.

I am talking to Sue!

And Sue is interested in these things!

Now, this is a picture of his chair

in the corner of his room at Arles.

It wasn't actually yellow, no. He painted it yellow

because yellow symbolised so much for him.

- Shall we liven things up?

- (TONY AND ANGE) Yeah.

- Do you like art?

- Yes.

This is a Lowry.

Did you know his father was an estate agent?

For Christ's sake, Laurence, give it a rest!

- Give what a rest?

- Nobody is interested.

Oh, yes, they are!

- Oh, no, they're not!

- Do you know something, Beverly?

- You're ignorant!

- Oh, I'm ignorant now, am I?

Now? You always have been!

It's not a question of ignorance,

Laurence, it's a question of taste.

Taste? What would YOU know about taste?

The trouble with you is if somebody doesn't like

what YOU like, you say they've got no taste.

- That's rubbish!

- Oh, is it rubbish?

- Yes!

- Then what about my picture in the bedroom?

That is cheap, pornographic trash!

Laurence, just because a picture happens

to be erotic, it doesn't mean it's pornographic!

Shut up, Beverly!

I've got this fabulous picture, right?

It's really beautiful.

I brought it home

and he wouldn't let me put it up in here.

- I had to hang it in the bedroom.

- If I had my way, it would be in the dustbin!

- Well, you're dead from the waist down, anyway!

- Can I see it?

- Do you wanna see it?

- Yes!

Angela's got work in the morning.

We ought to be going.

- I should go.

- See it another time.

- We don't have to go early, just 'cause of me.

- Sure?

- I'll be fine.

- She's gotta get up!

- Oh, shut up, Laurence!

- Don't tell me to shut up!

- Angela, coat!

- It's all right!

- I really think I ought to be going.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes