All About the Benjamins

Sh*t!

Bail enforcement! Lil J,|don't you f***in' move!

Listen, I can explain, OK?|Let me explain it!

What the hell you watchin'?!|Sit down!

OK. I was comin' down|to see y'all today, OK?

I called my mom to|give me a f***in' lift...

...'cause my bike broke down!

Yeah, tell it to Martinez!

He's used to hearin' that bullshit.

On your feet.|Come on.

Hands on your head.

Don't get gitchy.|Relax.

How about I just give you|a little somethin', huh?

A little somethin' to|make this go away, maybe?

Come on, Tyson.|F***in' bounty hunters...

...don't make no real cheese,|anyway, do ya?

Get on the f***ing--

You ain't got no money,|'cause if you did...

...you wouldn't live in a trailer park.

I ain't goin' back to f***in' jail.

Oh, yeah. You goin'.

Baby!

Get off of my motherfuckin' boyfriend!

- Get out of my house!|- Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

You OK, baby?|Get his ass, baby, get him!

Shoot that motherf***er!

Blast him!|Blast that motherf***er!

I'll be goddamned!

Crazy ho!

Sh*t!

Got your ass now!|Uh-huh, motherf***er!

Hands behind your back!

You're goin' to f***in' jail!

Where is he?

I took him to County.

County?! I was supposed|to take him to County.

You were supposed to take him to County?

Yeah.

I didn't hear that part.

Bucum, why is it every time|I send you out on a job...

...there are always gunshots reported?

Why is that?

Because people don't mind|their own f***in' business.

If they stay outta mine's...

...you wouldn't hear|gunshots reported.

Oh, that's very funny.

Sorry if I forgot to laugh...

...but I've been on the phone|for an hour...

...and 27 minutes straight|with Miami P.D...

- ...cleanin' up your sh*t.|- And?

What you want me to do?|Start knockin' on the door?

"Hey, Martinez wanna holler at you.

Come with me."

Or do you want me to|go in and get 'em?

Oh, you get 'em.|It's just how you get 'em.

Get you when I come out.

- Got it.|- I'm talkin' to you!

You walkin' away from me?

Yeah. I've got to find|the sports section.

Look at this, huh?

It's my second pack|of cigarettes this morning...

...and I just quit today.

Jesus Christ. Why do I|even bother with this guy?

Hey, Pam, what's shakin'?

Nothin' but ass.

Did the Heat beat the Knicks last night?

The Heat lost by one point.

I put your little fish|on your desk over there.

I heard you almost got shot again today.

Almost don't count.

You should have took me with you.

I could have had your back.

- Maybe next time.|- Right.

Well, anyway, next time you decide...

...you want to spend $600 on a fish...

...why don't you just|send me to St. Thomas...

...and I can catch|his little ass for you.

Change, please.

Don't make me mess up my nails.

Thank you, Pam.

It's a little short.

You know what you need,|Bucum? A partner.

Somebody to help you|apprehend these guys...

...without shots being|fired all the time.

Well, stop bullshittin'|and put me on the payroll!

I can get some real bonds, maybe|I can get a f***in' Tonto.

You know I can't insure you.|You're too high a risk.

I don't see nobody else in here...

...bringin' Lil J in,|so insured or not...

...I'm the best nigga you got,|so can I at least get paid?

Little more grip,|little less lip.

You know what?

At these prices, man,|I might have to...

...go in business for myself.

Bucum P.I. firm ain't soundin'|too bad right about now.

Ain't that right, Pam?

Yep...or you could|win the lottery.

You know, it's up to|$60 million right now.

And we got a pool goin'|in my apartment complex.

I can get you in on it.

Black people don't win that sh*t.

You either gotta be old or Puerto Rican.

Here's your next rabbit.

He went shy on us four days ago.

Reggie Wright?!

I done caught this motherf***er,|like, three times already!

This nigga go to jail|more than Robert Downey Jr.

What'd he do this time, man?

Same charge.|Petty con man stuff.

He just never goes to court.

Oh, that's a $35,000|bond you got there...

...which means you get a whole $3,500.

Oh, damn. Let me put|that new Bentley...

...I was lookin' at on layaway.

Bucum, I don't know what|you're lookin' for here...

...so you're gonna have to hit|the lottery with Pam over there...

...or stop buying $600 f***in' fish...

...that are gonna die|in a week anyway...

...and maybe you can put that|Bentley on layaway, huh?

You know what, Martinez?|F*** what you're talking about.

It's a whole lot of money out there.

All I gotta do is put my name on it.

Fifty bucks'll get you sixty million.

Thank you, Pam.

When I quit,|you gonna miss me.

Come on, Zo.|I hate this f***in' job.

You know what?|I'm gonna be where I'm at.

There's somebody looking at us.

Oh, are these the ones|we're lookin' for?

I believe so, but I left|my glasses at home.

Maybe I can find somebody who--

What the hell are you|lookin' at, dipshit?

Why don't you let us shop in peace?

Who you two little Spice Girls|think y'all talkin' to?

- You!|- You!

Y'all followin' me around|this damn store...

...you know what I'm sayin'?

I'm gonna get in line before|I have to f*** one of y'all up.

That's right. Gang member.

You go get in line.

Poop dog!

Oh! Good!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Mr. Sheldon, what's happenin'?

How many times am I|gonna have to tell you...

...don't open the potato chips|until you pay for 'em!

You gonna have to tell me that|all the time...

...'cause I like potato chips.

Mr. Sheldon, why you sweatin' me, man?

I come in here all the time.

'Cause you're a nickel|and dime hustler...

...looking for the five-finger discount...

...and I have to keep my eyes on you.

Then you know what? I'm a start|goin' to Dwight's...

...'cause you don't laugh|at my jokes or nothin'.

- Dwight who?|- D'wight around your lip.

No. I'm just kiddin', Mr. Sheldon.

Look, my woman gave me|these numbers to play.

15... 30...

37... 38...

45...

47...

15

30

37

38

45... 47

Just hurry up. I got|customers to serve here.

45... 4--

All right.|How much I owe you?

7.50.

7.50.

It's 50, not 7.50.

Mr. Sheldon, man, I'm gonna|kick your ass one day, man.

I seen you comin' out|of the nursing home...

...the other day. I started to--

I'm gonna quit|comin' in here, man.

- Hater, man!|- Later.

Hey, I seen you at the club...

...pimpin' the other night, there, pimpy.

Oh, excuse me!

Don't let me catch your skinny|ass outside, do you hear me?

You know what?|I just got out of the pen...

...for some sh*t like this.

Come on, come on!

Let me get out. Y'all|smell just like Geritol.

Could y'all move?!

You're still talkin' sh*t, b*tch?

Y'all gonna get me f***in' locked up!

Come on, over here.

How was that, Reggie?

Y'all put a little bit|too much on it that time.

The next time, just cut back|on the bullshit talk.

- That way, the scam'll go smoother.|- Right.

You know I know.|I'm a thief.

Bless you, Reggie.|Thank you so much!

Our check didn't come, and we|needed a few extra things.

That's OK. I love you,|Ms. Steinberg.

What are them for?

These are for when|I need to get my freak on!

Watch yourself!|Shake it fast!

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