Alone on Valentine's Day!

Episode #8

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[Thomas]:
Roses are red, violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. Tulips go in all sorts of colors, so do Roses. I really like flowers. Daffodils are also yellow.

*logo*

[Thomas]:
What is up everybody?! It's that time of year again: Valentine's day. Do you have a date? I don't, and I don't know where I'm going to get one, approaching people is difficult.

[Anxiety]:
That's an understatement.

[Thomas]:
Oh! Anxiety... Perfect, that settles it; I'm not gonna approach anyone this year.

[Morality]:
Now, don't say that! It's still possible.

[Anxiety]:
Morality, don't lie to him.

[Thomas]:
Yeah, meeting people is hard.

[Logic]:
Doesn't have to be.

[Princey]:
Logic is right.

[Thomas]:
Wow, my fanciful side is agreeing with my logical side.

[Logic]:
Thomas, in this instance, pragmatism and optimism aren't necessarily contradictory.

[Morality]:
I know big words too! Saxophone...

[Thomas]:
Okay, so you guys think there is a way to not spend my Valentine's day alone?

[Princey]:
Oh yeah!

[Thomas]:
How?

[Morality]:
We just need to go about it the right way! Let's put our heads together and create a game plan. First, we'll need someone to practice on...

[Logic]:
But who?

[Morality]:
Each other?

[Thomas]:
No, no! How about we... use... my friend! Valerie!

[Anxiety]:
Valerie?

*ping*

[Thomas]:
Valerie.

[Morality]:
Hey!

[Princey]:
Hey!

[Logic]:
Salutations.

[Thomas]:
So, explain to me how you would go about securing a date with Valerie for Valentine's day.

[Anxiety]:
I've got an idea: Don't! Don't even try.

[Morality]:
Now, Anxiety, if you don't wanna participate, you can just sit this one out.

[Anxiety]:
That's... not exactly how I work...

*ping*

[Logic]:
Now! I know we are all about to get into some big confusing discussion, but there is no need to over-complicate things. I have the solution! The trick to getting a date is to just be completely upfront and honest, alright? (to Valerie) Hello.

[Valerie]:
Hello.

[Logic]:
We are humans.

[Valerie]:
Yes.

[Logic]:
As humans, one possible objective is to procreate...

[Valerie]:
Yes.

[Logic]:
Therefore, would you like to copulate with me?

[Valerie]:
Yes.

[Logic]:
There, done.

[Morality]:
Wow!

[Thomas]:
...That's not how people work!

[Princey]:
You had no tact whatsoever.

[Logic]:
Fine. Hello! Do you like food?

[Valerie]:
Yes.

[Logic]:
Do you like romantic outings?

[Valerie]:
Yes.

[Logic]:
I can provide both of those things. Therefore, you will be my date.

[Valerie]:
Yes.

[Logic]:
Happy?

[Thomas]:
(doubtful) Seriously?

[Logic]:
Yes! And then you continue to... talk-talk-talk until eventual marriage and/or copulation. That's the process.

[Anxiety]:
Yeah, if your life is a Sims game.

[Logic]:
That's ridiculous. This is what it would be like if your life is a Sims game:

[Logic & Valerie]: -talk in Simmish-

[Thomas]:
Stop it. Stop!

[Anxiety]:
If you went about tryin' get a date that way, it would look like this:

[Logic]:
Hello, do you like food?

[Valerie]:
Yeah...

[Logic]:
Do you like romantic outings?

[Valerie]:
I mean, sometimes...?

[Logic]:
I can provide both of those things. Therefore, you would be my date.

[Valerie]:
(stuttering) ...I'm… I'm uh... go.

[Anxiety]:
Just saying.

[Thomas]:
Yeah...

[Princey]:
Your problem is you didn't woo her with any gusto. You know what people like?

[Morality]:
Bagels!

[Princey]:
...No, what? Maybe. Um... Poetry!

[Logic]:
Poetry?

*ping*

[Princey]:
Allow me to recite Shakespeare's sonnet 138. "When my love swears to me that she is made of truth I do believe her, though I know she lies. That she might think me some untutor'd youth..."

(Morality:
aww!)

[Logic]:
Gonna stop you right there. That sonnet is about an older man and an unfaithful girl, lying to preserve their relationship.

[Princey]:
Oh.

[Logic]:
Yeah... So... um, might I recommend Shakespeare's sonnet 18? "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"

[Morality]:
I mean, I wouldn't recommend reading someone else's words. You need to say what's in your heart!

[Anxiety]:
-chuckles- Come on, if you do that, you could get all tongue tied... Jumbled... Confused.

*ping*

[Morality]:
Well, then you write it all before hand in a letter. -laughs- "Dear Valerie, Happy 'Valerie-ntine's' day... wow, that didn't come off quite as well as I would've liked it to. Maybe not one of my best jokes. Um, well, er..." (continues reading)

[Princey]:
He wrote this down?

[Morality]:
"I don't quite know how to proceed here... but I would like to ask... Hmm, how do I put this? I would like to speak from the heart, but hearts don't have mouths... Well, that was a little weird to say..." (continues reading)

[Logic]:
This was the whole problem he was trying to circumnavigate.

[Morality]:
"...Hum. Wow, uh, is it hot in here? It's a little hot in here to me... I'm getting a little bit sweaty..."

[Thomas]:
Okay! I think that was... That was a bit of a failed experiment.

[Morality]:
Fine! No words. (starts to hug her)

[Anxiety]:
No. No!

[Thomas]:
What if that were a stranger?

[Logic]:
You can't just touch people.

[Morality]:
Okay! Then you create a gift to give them! A drawing! Here you go.

[Princey]:
But that could be just taken as a gift from a friend.

[Valerie]:
Wow! Thanks!

[Anxiety]:
Or worse...

[Valerie]:
Wow, this is horrible. I never realized how stupid and untalented you are.

[Morality]:
-laughing- Well, I'm hopelessly crushed.

[Thomas]:
Yeah, wow...

[Morality]:
Look, the main point I wanted to get is that you should try to make them feel special! Don't talk about yourself so much and make sure they feel heard.

[Princey]:
(upset) Not talk about me...

[Logic]:
But then, why would they buy what you're selling if they don't know anything about you?

[Princey]:
Agreed! There is a way to simultaneously make them feel special AND show them how awesome you are!

[Thomas]:
How?

[Princey]:
You find out what might be making their life difficult.

[Morality]:
(almost crying) Yeah?

[Princey]:
And you kill it.

[Anxiety]:
What??

*ping*

[Princey]:
You there! Young maiden, what is burdening your life? Perhaps an evil stepmother? Or a dragon witch?

[Logic]:
A dragon witch?

[Valerie]:
Yes! This dragon witch has been ruining my life!

[Dragon Witch]:
F*ck you, Valerie.

[Princey]:
I SHALL SAVE YOU!

[Thomas]:
Is that a samurai sword?

[Princey]:
-angry yell-

*sword sounds and groans*

[Dragon Witch]:
Ahh, my spleen!

[Princey]:
All saved!

[Valerie]:
You made me feel special! And you are awesome!

[Princey]:
What can I say? I'm a mean spleen stabbin machine.

[Logic]:
(whispering) In no reality would this be a situation.

[Princey]:
And afterwards you do a grand gesture!

[Morality]:
That wasn't a grand gesture?

[Princey]:
You wed them! Will you marry me?

[Valerie]:
Yes! *gasps* (in Spanish) Ay, I have waited for you so long, Tomás... Do you really love me?

[Princey]:
(Also Spanish) I assure you, I love you with all my heart.

[Valerie]:
-sigh- Ay!

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