America's Sweethearts Page #3

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It was a one-time incident,|a forgive-and-forget thing.

He tried to kill me Lee.|Am I the only person who remembers that?

Attempted murder|doesn't get people's attention anymore?

He was just so in love with you|that he flipped out.

You know you have this powerful effect|on people.

That's true.|Are you sticking up for him again?

-Whose side am I on?|-Mine.

Your dog just swallowed|your window washer.

Puppy.

Your puppy, it's a raptor.

Time for Prozac. Excuse me.

-She's on Prozac?|-If only. The dog.

Oh, the dog. That's not a bad thing.

-Hey, baby.|-Hi, honey.

Here comes your sweaty big man.

-You're sweaty.|-Who is this?

Hi, I'm Lee Phillips,|press agent for Time Over Time.

-I'm not here to sweep her off her feet.|-No, no. You're too old.

Hector, honey.

Be good.

I'm sorry. He's Spanish.

No problem. I was Spanish once myself.

Oh, I need kisses.

Oh, honey.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, yes.

For why is he here now?

He wants me to go to the junket|for the movie.

We could do that. When is it?

Actually, we won't take up|any of your valuable time.

-I'm not invited to the junket?|-I'm sorry, it's the studio's decision.

What do I care what the studio thinks?|I don't give a sh*t.

I go where Gwen goes.|I'm with Gwen now. We're a couple.

We'll go to the junket together. Okay?

Studio.

You're so beautiful.

I love you so much.

I want to marry you and make something|with both of our skins.

We're not going Hector. Eddie will be there.

We won't go to the junket because of him?

Listen to me. We're going to go...

...and I'll personally protect you...

...in case that psychotic a**hole bastard|tries to kill you again.

-We're not going.|-Don't argue with me. We're gonna go.

Everybody wants me to go to this stupid|junket, but nobody cares what I want!

-That's not true.|-Nobody cares!

Don't you know the stress I'm under?|Everybody hates me.

Everyone wants a piece of me.|My therapist's out of the country.

I wasn't nominated|for a Golden Globe this year!

Leave me alone.

Bastards.

Are you pleased with yourself?

I can't even enjoy my shower now,|Mr. Publicist piece of sh*t.

Gwen is totally nuts.

Cleared the room. Well done.

Talk to your sister. You're the only one|she'll pretend to listen to.

Where is she?

Grazing.

Hi.

Nazi bastard.

I was just kidding.

You need to go to this junket.

-Why not?|-I'm afraid.

Of?

That I'll see Eddie|and he'll be this pathetic mess.

I'll feel guilty. I'm tired of feeling guilty,|I really am.

I know.

I'm always thinking about other people.

I know you are.

It's awful being the person|who cares about other people's feelings.

If they see Eddie down and depressed,|they'll pity him and blame me.

What you're really worried about is you.

Of course. Does everyone hate me, Kiki?

No one hates you.

Yes, they do.

I was in a store the other day.|You know that great store on Melrose?

There was a baby in a stroller|looking up at me and he was judging me.

The whole world is judging me|for what I did to Eddie.

Look, I'll admit...

...the Miss Adorable image|has been called into question recently.

That's one more reason to go to the junket.

Smile nice with Eddie for the weekend,|win back some audience goodwill.

-You think it would help?|-Yes I do.

I could give Eddie the divorce papers.|That's a plus.

Sure you're ready to do that?

I'm sure. Why are you|still questioning me about this?

Because it's Eddie.

He'd sing Yellow Submarine at the top|of his lungs just to make you laugh.

Eddie, who'd save the mango|in his fruit salad for you.

Exactly. Eddie.|You're just a romantic, Kiki.

You know nothing about married life.

You got me there.

I won't be able to get through this|on my own.

Can you help me?

I'll help you.

These are new pants.

Good dog. Get the paper.

Come on.

Come on. Please.

Come on.

-Help.|-Don't let me interrupt.

What happened?

I'm going to go pack her things|because we're going to a junket.

Really? Great! You're a great sister.

I'm a great assistant.

To the left.

These are herbal medications.

You probably read in People,|I was on Zoloft, but this is holistic.

-Sure got a lot of them.|-Just watch the road, please.

Bobby? He wants you to pull over.

This is Kishtonga root.

-Why are we stopping?|-I'm doing what I'm told.

So, how you doing?

-Fine. What have you heard?|-I got to hand it to you.

If my lady left me for another guy,|I'd have a gun down my throat.

I'd get drunk off my ass.

I'd lay on the tracks and wait for a train|to finish me off.

Could we please not talk about that?

You know something?

People say I look like you.

It's not that I look like you.|But it's like I project you.

Like I project the essence of you,|like a you-ness.

-Can you put that partition up?|-Yes, sir, Mr. Thomas.

How you doing, pal? How's it going?

Great. I was just getting a little pep talk|from my driver.

I'm orchestrating the hotel arrival.|Should you pull up first, or Gwen first?

-Where did you come from, man?|-Here. I'm riding with Gwen.

Gwen's back there?

Yes. So do you want|to arrive first or second?

-Second.|-Be right back.

He wants to go second.

-Let him go second.|-He can go second.

Great.

-Wait a minute. He should go first.|-Why?

I don't want to look like his opening act.|I want to go second.

She wants to go second.

Second it is.

-She wants to go second.|-Fine. Let her go second. I don't care.

Let her come behind me.|She'll see the knife she stuck in my back.

Thank you.

Second? We're all set.

-Great.|-Who cares?

-She doesn't care.|-Yes, I do. I'm going first.

I don't care! Why is this an issue?

-I'm just trying--|-I don't care! Let's just go to the hotel!

-You're second.|-I don't care!

-I don't care!|-All right.

-I don't care!|-You're going second.

You're going second.

-I don't care.|-Okay, thank you.

That was easy.

-I don't know why we have to go second.|-Just drive the car!

I'm grateful for the sun.|I'm grateful for the moon.

I'm grateful for the cool...

...cool night breeze.

This is certainly a happy night|for Eddie and Gwen fans.

A year ago, America's Sweethearts|went bust in dramatic fashion.

Here they come now. Hi, Gwen.|You look wonderful tonight.

Can I get a shot?

That's it.

Who's a better lover?

Okay, right this way.

Okay, Eddie, here we go.

-Eddie, you look great.|-Thank you.

What's it like working with Gwen?

I can't remember.

Eddie that was so good. That had to feel good.

It was good we went second. Everybody|loved you. Didn't that feel good?

-What is all this stuff?|-Serenity tea from the Wellness Centre.

I don't know what's in it,|but it gets me really calm, really focused.

I can't do this.

I told you this was a mistake.

She's very close, isn't she?|She's in the next room. I can feel her.

No, she's in a cottage|on the back of the property.

I sensed that. She's real close.

She's not. The cottages are way back|on the property.

It's just so shocking.|You're with somebody and...

...you think you'll spend the rest|of your life with that person....

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