America's Sweethearts Page #8

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That was me.

-Good morning.|-'Morning.

So here's the buffet.

What's going on?

Nothing. I'm great.

Just great.

Ma'am, can I get some more butter?

Word of advice:
|When you hit Formica, stop.

You know the expression,|"falling off the wagon"? This is it.

But you got 20 or 30 pounds of food|to break your fall.

What the hell happened?

Bad morning. Preceded by 33 bad years.

Does this have to do with Gwen?

Of course not. I love my sister.|I love everything about her.

"Kiki. Kiki-kins.

"Who's smoking? I smell smoke.

"ls someone smoking|within a six-mile radius?

"Stop them, Kiki. Stop them."

Oh, ma'am, the butter?

Are they out of butter?|How can you run out?

I have one theory.

You know what? I need an assistant.

If I had one, she'd be outside right now,|milking a cow...

...and I'd never, ever run out of butter.

"Kiki, my butter has touched another food.|I need new butter."

"Anything you want, honey."|That's how it goes, right?

You're a publicist.|Anything they want, right?

She's got a green dress.

Looks like crap on her.

Brings out the circles under her eyes.|We both know it.

She gave it to me. It looks nice on me.

Then she said maybe she wanted it back.

She doesn't want it.|She doesn't want me to have it. That's the truth

So, you're in love with Eddie?

Wouldn't that be stupid?

I've done every one of their movies.

I've never seen him look at her|the way he looks at you.

If you're in love, just go for it.

The way you went for this breakfast.

Not the way you went for the breakfast.

I think I'm going to be sick. Can you just....

I'll take all of this to go.|I'll need 20, 30 bags and a forklift.

No laugh, no tip.

I really want to play a character|like the Terminator.

Because I think the Hispanic people|are crying out to see...

...a deadly, destructive killing machine|they can embrace as their own.

-That they can relate to.|-How are you? Nice to see you.

-How are you? Hal here yet?|-No.

He's a dead man. No, I'm serious.

I know a guy.|I'll make a call, and he's dead, because....

How are you? Nice to see you.|Hope you're having a good time.

-What time do you have?|-12:50.

We're doomed.

May I suggest that you follow my lead|and get completely sh*t-faced?

-Hi, how are you? You look gorgeous.|-Hi, Mr. K. Thank you.

How long must I stay with these people?|They're drunk and starting to touch.

Hang in there.|If Hal doesn't show with the film...

...they'll be busy finding|where to build the gallows.

What? I don't think that's funny.

Is that p*ssy boy?

-He's going to jump.|-He's not kinda jump.

I said I'd give him the divorce papers.

Sh*t, he's going to jump!

-Excuse me.|-Please, please.

-We got to do something.|-I'll get him.

Let's take advantage of this.|Get a helicopter. Get aerial shots.

-Shut up.|-All right, yeah. Okay.

Jump, jump.

Jump, p*ssy, jump.

I can't believe this.

He'll be a p*ssy pancake.

I'm coming!

Why is he doing this to me?

I'm sorry! Are you okay?

What are you doing?

-I was trying to stop you from jumping!|-By trying to kill me?

-Stay right there!|-Where am I gotta go?

Right!

Oh, sh*t. Hang in there, Eddie!

I'm coming!

-All right.|-You going to hose me down?

I'll throw it, and you catch it.

One, two...

...three.

Pull yourself up. I got you.

Come on.

Got it?

Good.

Oh, my God!

P*ssy boy will go splat.

-Got it?|-Yeah.

That's it. One foot at a time.|There you go.

-Okay.|-I'm going to kill you.

Take a bow. It'll look better. Take a bow.

Jesus Christ.

The next time you try to kill yourself,|take a hair dryer into the tub.

-I wasn't trying to kill myself.|-What were you doing?

I came here to think. Is that a crime?|Get some perspective?

Do that in your room!

I blew it.

I lost her.

Guy goes to his rabbi.

He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife|is trying to poison me."

The rabbi says, "let me talk to her."

He comes back later, and says, "Listen.|I spoke to your wife for three hours.

"Take the poison."

Understand what I'm saying? You and Gwen are over.

I don't care about Gwen!|I'm talking about Kiki.

She's the only one worth spending|any time with in this hellhole.

No offence, you're a great guy.|You have some very nice qualities.

But for a review, you'd sell me|to China for medical experiments.

Don't let her get away.

-It's too late.|-No, it's not. Trust me. I'm--

-That's Hal!|-That's Hal?

That maniac's here with the film!|We're saved!

-We're beyond salvation.|-No, come on.

-You want to see the movie.|-I don't care about the movie.

This could put you back on top.

-You think? On top?|-Yes.

"May I have the envelope, please?"

Hal! It's Hal.

He's got the film. Go, go.

The director.

-He looks good.|-Yeah, he looks great.

Everybody? Let's get started.

I'm Lee Phillips.|Welcome to Time Over Time.

Thank you.

I'll go out on a ledge here and say....

I couldn't help myself.

Please welcome the man responsible|for this junket, Mr. Dave Kingman.

Thank you very much, Lee.

They say that good things|come to those who wait.

I waited 20 years to work|with the great Hal Weidmann.

I think Hal's cinematic influence|has been felt for--

That's good. Thank you. That's good.

Thank you.

My name is Hal Weidmann. Hello.

Ladies and gentlemen, this...

...is the most honest movie|I have ever made.

I wasn't looking for it.|It came to me like a bus in the street.

Or the woman who changes the flowers|at our desert house.

I can't talk about this film|without weeping. Roll it, please.

Thank you, Hal.|Have a great time, everybody!

Sarah. My name is Ben. I must speak with you.

-Who are you?|-That's not important.

What's important now is your safety.|Listen to me Sarah, you're in grave danger.

I don't know how to say this,|so I'll just come out and say it:

-I'm from the future.|-Oh, my God!

-You look beautiful.|-Thank you.

Come with me now. Now, Sarah, please.

Love is a bridge built between two people.

We want what exists between them...

...to be real.

My name is Hal Weidmann.

The film you're about to see is|Time Over Time, or is it?

The details are unimportant. Simply put...

...the script was sh*t. I tossed it.

-Instead I decided to let my camera capture real life.|-Just watch.

I filmed my actors|without their knowledge.

I let the camera run after takes.|I placed hidden cameras around the set.

And the end resultis a story...

...far more involving than anything|manufactured by actors and writers.

This is real life.

The juice.

The stink.

The glory.

Often, you see a film and think,|"Where did the money go?"

Shut up!

It's gonna be good.

I don't mean to pressure you,|but we're 15 days overschedule.

Oh, no.

What are we gonna do?

I'm in the middle of shooting.|This is a sensitive time. Do me a favour.

Go away. Please.|Never visit my set again.

Watch him take it...

...up the gazoo.

You're an idiot. I told you,|we never should've hired Hal Weidmann.

"You do

"something to me

"Something

"that simply mystifies me

"Tell me

"why should it be

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