April Fool's Day Page #2

"My first experience was:

A) Painful and degrading;"

"B) Not so hot,

but I really cared about him;"

"C) I was ready to try again

or D)"

"Wildly exciting. I had an orgasm."

A and part of B.

A and B:
"Painful and degrading; not

so hot, but I really cared about him."

That's so sweet.

I'll take B.

"Not so hot, but I really cared

about him." Was it Rob?

- No, it wasn't Rob.

- What about you, Nikki?

A and D:
"Painful and degrading.

Wildly exciting. I had an orgasm."

Anyway, "The one thing I haven't tried

yet but am intensely curious about is:"

"A) Oral sex;"

"B) Anal entry;"

"C) S&M;

D) Group sex;"

"E) Lesbian sex;"

"or F) All of the above."

What was C?

Hi, my name is

Mary O'Toole O'Reilly O'Shea.

I want to go to convent school,

and things like that.

Welcome.

Welcome to my home

and "Lifestyles of the Rich

and Undeserving".

My name's Arch Cummings

and I'm on a mission here

to bed as many women

as humanly possible.

Nan's out, to be honest.

She likes the theatre...

You know what I'm saying.

She's out in the first round.

A poor boy can say,

"F*** you, Dad."

"I'm my own person."

What's his father going to do?

Kick him out?

Disinherit him?

His life won't have changed much.

He's got nothing to lose.

His father's love.

That was lost a long, long time ago.

Skip, blaming yourself

won't make Buck any better.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Muffy, you sure know how to make

a guy look forward to... dessert.

Please God, let it be ding dongs.

St John hospitality,

taken to the extreme.

It's real friendly.

Makes me feel at home.

How are we going to feel

after these beans?

You guys!

Nan, do you want some beans?

- I wonder how Buck's doing.

- Should we call?

- I'll call later.

- I'm sure he's getting the best care.

Let's change the subject.

Well...

Harve's got his job interview

all figured out.

What about the rest of us? Anyone know

what they're doing after graduation?

- Good choice, Arch.

- This is incredible.

Here we are, privileged, independent,

the hope for the future.

Not one of us knows

what we're doing with our lives.

- Rob knows.

- Kit, come on.

- He's going to medical school.

- You got early acceptance?

- Let's talk some other time.

- But you've met your counsellor.

I don't think

he wants to talk about it.

- No, no, I don't mind.

- We're all friends here, right?

Sort of.

He said to forget it.

He said that my grades might be OK,

but basically I possess

an essential lack of seriousness.

- And that's what they look for.

- That's what my guy said.

I said you've got to be kidding.

How can anyone be serious

when some moron can push a button

and nuke us all

until our shadows glow?

He wasn't impressed with that...

Oh, what's this?

Dom Perignon sparkling ros?

- Smells like Ripple.

- Outdone yourself again, St John.

Can I make a toast?

Well...

Someone once said to me to cherish

the friends you make in college.

I try to cherish

all the friends I make.

- Stop it!

- Because...

Because they'll be the friends you

cherish most for the rest of your life.

So, well, here's to us.

And here's to my life,

because I'm very glad to be here

and to be a part of all of you.

Muffy, anything you want to add?

- Why me?

- Because you're the hostess.

OK.

In his "Life of Johnson",

James Boswell said,

"We cannot predict the precise moment

when friendships are formed."

"As in filling a vessel

drop by drop,"

"there is at last one

which makes it run over..."

"...so in a series..."

"...so in a series of kindnesses,"

"there is at last one

which makes the heart run over."

So, with this toast,

may our hearts run over

and our friendships be formed.

- All right.

- Cheers!

- Going down!

- OK.

All over myself!

Muffy!

April Fool!

- Wow! Is this the bridal suite?

- You like it?

- I thought you needed the room.

- I'll find a use for it.

Muffy?

I know you and Arch had something

going before I met him.

Arch is sweet,

but he only has two expressions:

- Collar up and collar down.

- Yeah, I found that out.

I guess what I'm trying to say now is...

You always get there first,

but Chaz is mine, OK?

- What about Hal?

- Harvey? Mr Junior Achievement?

Oh, please!

Yuck!

Don't try to tell me you hadn't

thought of me in that way, Muffy.

Why, I felt a spark between us the

first time we laid eyes on each other

in Econ 3.45.

Just think of it, Muffy.

With my... my talent

and your...

...money. No.

All right.

We're going to have some privacy.

You've got to be kidding.

Unless Muffy knows something about us

we don't.

- Hold me, big fella! Hold me!

- Just holster it, cowboy!

Let's play "Hide the Sausage".

Pick it up!

Hold me like a man

can hold another man!

Why, just think of it, Muffers.

With my raw, driving talent...

...and your...

...your...

Wrong room.

Sh*t.

Come on!

Rob?

Are you still angry with me?

About dinner?

No.

I'm sorry. I'm not angry at you.

I'm just...

...just angry.

Jesus!

Very funny.

Muffy!

Arch!

Hi, Muff! Hi.

Do you know what time it is, love?

Goodnight.

Real funny, you guys!

Better ride than you could give me.

Hello?

Sh*t.

Who's there?

F***! Jesus Christ!

F***ing cat!

Oh, God.

Morning.

...a nightmare about Buck

and I don't know...

Good morning.

I was just hungry.

I must look a mess.

- Morning, Muff.

- I forgot to get dressed.

- So who made her night?

- I don't know.

- Where's Skip?

- That depends what he's on.

- You guys have got to be kidding.

- Have fun.

Hey, Nan, what about it?

Come on.

No, thanks.

Besides, I thought I'd wait

to see what Muffy wanted to do.

Chaz comes down...

He comes down with it...

That's my bad knee!

I've got Nikki, you get the ball.

I'm covering Nikki.

I've got her.

- She's covered.

- Harvey, Harvey!

Good one, Harve!

Good one!

Hey, Rob, what's wrong?

I'm just thinking...

...about that meeting

I had with my advisor.

- I feel like I'm going nowhere.

- He only said you weren't serious.

Kit, maybe it's crazy

you investing so much energy in me.

Sure, you feel this way about me now.

What about when I'm a TV repairman

- and all those other guys are...

- Rob, you're right.

I know. I told you. I'm right.

- You're right.

- I know. I'm right. I said I'm right.

- There's no question.

- I'm right.

You're a jerk.

Oh, God! I am.

Come here, baby.

Skip, you son-of-a-b*tch!

Skip!

Respectable Quaker couple

returning from an afternoon

of non-violent sex.

- So how was it?

- Where's Skip? Anybody seen him?

- Who wants to know?

- Damn it, give me a straight answer!

We saw him at the boat house,

drifting in a boat.

He wasn't moving.

He looked dead, unless he was joking.

- If it was Skip...

- I saw his face.

Look, has anybody seen him

since last night?

Jesus Christ!

- We'll look for him. Come on.

- I'm coming, too.

What's happening?

Is something wrong?

Skip! Hey, arsehole!

- Hey, Skip!

- Wait a minute.

Look at this.

Skip's knife.

Think it was that guy on the ferry?

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