April Fool's Day Page #4

Come and get it!

Nikki?

Oh, very subtle, Chaz.

What am I supposed to do? Just throw

off my clothes and jump on top of you?

Just wind her up and watch her go!

You have a lot to learn, buddy.

Is this show and tell? You show me

yours and then I show you mine?

Forget it!

You can take that thing and shove it

right back in your pants, kiddo.

Chaz...

Chaz!

Oh, come on, Chaz.

Just say something.

No one's been up here in years.

- Do you see him?

- No.

He must not have a light on his boat.

Or maybe he's chosen not to use it.

Kit, he said something else

about Muffy, on the phone.

What?

He said not to trust anyone.

No one was to be left alone

with anyone else.

And he said especially not with Muffy.

- What did he mean?

- He wouldn't explain.

- That's ridiculous.

- Is it?

He's known her a lot longer

than we have.

Wait, wait, Rob.

What's that?

Just the dolls.

- Rob, she's been up here.

- So?

Rob!

Jesus!

- Rob!

- It's Arch, Skip and Nan.

What are the two over there?

He's here. Come on.

Harvey!

Nikki!

Nikki!

Harvey!

Harvey!

- Rob!

- I can't find Harvey.

I can't find anyone.

Nikki's door is locked.

Rob, it was locked.

- What about Muffy?

- Forget her!

She's my friend! Muffy!

Muffy!

Muffy, open the door!

Come on!

Constable Potter?

Constable Potter?

Constable Potter?

Hey, wait, Rob. Don't go in there.

If there's another flare, we can signal.

Maybe he already went back

up to the house.

- Sh*t, there's no key.

- Oh, damn!

Wait, wait, Rob.

"State Hospital.

Pursuant to our last letters,"

"be advised that the patient

has still not been found"

"and is now believed to be attempting

to return to her home."

"If encountered, exercise caution

and notify us immediately"

"as Miss St John has been

a patient here for three years"

"and is considered

extremely dangerous."

Miss St John? Muffy hasn't been

in an institution for three years.

She's been at Vassar.

- We've got to get this boat started.

- How?

The house. Didn't Muffy say

there was a key in the kitchen?

Rob, I can't go back there.

I can't.

Kit, we've got no choice.

We've got to go back.

Rob, look. The doors.

They've been closed.

There.

That's how we're going in.

Here, hold this.

Where are the stairs?

What's that?

Rob, look.

- Oh, my God! It's Muffy's clothes!

- I don't get it.

- Whoa!

- What?

- What's that?

- I don't know.

Oh, my God!

The picture of the girls

in the study,

that letter,

and what the constable

was trying to tell you!

It's not Muffy! It's Buffy!

She's got a twin sister!

Rob, don't you see? Rob!

Oh, my God!

Pull it away.

- Rob, I can't...

- Pull it away!

- The boat key? It's got to be here.

- Where is it?

The wall! The key board?

Jesus! Look in the cupboards!

I can't find it!

Damn it! Where is it?

Kit!

Let me out, Kit!

No!

Rob!

Buffy!

Run, Kit, run!

Please, just leave us alone, OK?

Please, we're just going to go home.

Enough!

- Stop!

- Babe!

Please just let us leave.

Buffy, you can stop now.

Stop!

No, Buffy, no!

- I love you, Kit!

- Please...

No. Please, just leave us alone!

Please. Just let us go, please.

No!

No! No!

Oh, ha ha! Ha ha ha!

That's really funny, you guys!

Really funny! F*** you!

Kit, I love you!

Kit! I love you!

I love you, too, babe.

April Fool!

You guys are so terrific.

I love you all.

I want to thank you

for being such good sports.

Oh yeah, sure.

Quite welcome. Any time.

Rob, you and Kit,

you two were the best.

You figured it all out.

The clues. They really worked.

- What clues?

- What's this all about?

Don't anyone say April Fool's

or I'll rip them apart.

April Fool.

It's a script for a weekend special.

It's going to help me keep the house.

Next month I get the house as part

of my mother's inheritance. It's true.

But only if I could show my father

it could carry itself,

what with taxes and expenses.

Otherwise, he would sell it.

So I decided to turn it

into a country inn.

But not just a stuffy old,

run-of-the-mill country inn.

One that specialises in offering

a once-in-a-lifetime

whodunnit weekend.

I needed a rehearsal.

I had to try my idea out on somebody.

- You all had a part in this?

- Don't look at me.

We got sucked in as badly as you.

Once you were all killed off, yes.

But everybody had to co-operate

or none of it would have worked.

So I guess

there's no twin sister, Buffy?

There is a crazy twin,

but his name isn't Buffy.

- His name?

- Skip?

- He's your brother?

- You bastard! You were in on it!

Muffy only told me

to pull the prank on the ferry.

I had no idea

what would happen to Buck.

Buck Williams,

make-up artist par excellence.

I've got something for you, big guy.

Here, catch!

These were just old props

that I redressed.

- Sure fooled me.

- I take it this isn't the constable.

Kit Graham,

meet my uncle, Frank St John,

of St John et Frres, Wall Street.

Hi. Harvey "Hal" Edison Jr.

Pleased to meet you, sir.

How did I do?

I've never done no acting before.

I was really shaking!

Cal is our regular ferryman

between the mainland and the islands.

But I thought he was

up to the dramatic challenge.

Muff, you were so lucky.

You could have been killed.

Well, I nearly did with Harve

over there.

And who could have known

about the snake with Arch?

But the paying guests

will know what they're in for

and the scenario

won't be so extreme.

I do regret some of the fake clues

that I put into the bedrooms

were taken a bit too seriously,

and I'm sorry about that.

But we had fun, didn't we?

Come on!

I'll never forget this weekend

as long as I live.

You're telling me. In the woods,

I nearly crapped my pants!

What do you mean, nearly?

I was there, remember?

Arch, you browned your trousers?

Well, you know, I was...

It's all right, Arch.

They'll be out of the dryer soon.

Come here, you maniac.

- What are you doing?

- Oh, sorry!

April Fool!

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