Attack of the 50 Foot Woman

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

This is KRKR-TV.

And now for the latest news.

Early tonight the captain of

a Swedish icebreaker in the Barents Sea...

...reported seeing a strange red fireball

come out of the sky.

Says the captain:

"It hovered above my ship

for about a minute...

...and then headed south by southwest. "

Unquote.

Radio Cairo reports a herd of camels

stampeded by a comet-like object...

...streaking southwest

across the Sahara.

And in Cape Town, Africa,

a Boer, no doubt...

...reports a similar flash across the sky.

And still one more,

ladies and gentlemen.

A farmer in Auckland, New Zealand

reported the strange glowing object...

...this time moving northeast.

Now, let's see.

Barents Sea.

Cairo.

Auckland.

Considering the time table

of these reports...

...the stranger from space should be over

our California desert in a matter of minutes.

No, no!

Harry! Harry help me!

Harry, help me!

Harry...

Harry, what will your wife say?

She'll say plenty, tonight anyhow.

Did you see the way she tore out of here

in that big car of hers?

She only caught us

nodding to each other.

She'll make up for all the things

she hasn't caught us doing.

I'm so fed up.

I never should have agreed

to go back to her once we were separated.

- Why did you?

- You know why.

I couldn't pry one nickel out of her.

That community-property routine

only works for women.

A man hasn't got a chance.

Unless the wife dies.

I didn't say anything.

You were thinking it.

Not the same thing.

Didn't you say she was

in the nut house for a while?

A private sanitarium.

What's the difference?

She was off her rocker, wasn't she?

I suppose so.

Probably got some fancy name for it.

Mostly she'd have

these violent headaches.

And then she'd get falling-down drunk.

Still has them to this day.

What are you getting at?

Oh, come on, now, Harry.

Let's not be naive.

You've made a good start,

now follow through.

- She's on the brink and you know it.

- I don't know it.

This Dr. Cushing seems to be

helping her a lot.

She's tapering off on the bottle too.

Hardly took a drink all evening,

you saw her.

All she needs is a little help.

Play the husband right to the end.

Once she's in the booby hatch,

throw the key away.

That will put you in the driver's seat.

You'd make a wild driver, Harry.

With 50 million bucks.

Harry!

Harry!

Harry, help me!

Mrs. Archer. Mrs. Archer,

what's the matter?

Here, somebody give me a hand.

We'll take her into the office.

Hey, chief!

Chief.

- Mrs. Archer.

- Harry.

Go on, folks, go on.

Go on, nothing you can do around here.

Go find Harry

while I take care of Mrs. Archer.

- All right, let's break it up.

- Now, come on, Mrs. Archer.

Come on and sit down in the car.

I'll send somebody

for some black coffee.

Black coffee?

You think I'm drunk, don't you?

- All of you! I'm not drunk, I'm not!

- Now, Mrs. Archer.

- You've got to believe me.

- Please...

It was right in the middle of the highway,

- It lit up the sky.

- I know that.

You don't believe me, do you?

Any of you.

I'll believe you, Mrs. Archer.

I'll believe you, just be calm.

Now, come on and sit down in the car.

Come on, take it easy

and tell me all about it, slowly.

Hey, Mr. Archer.

Mr. Archer.

What is it, Charlie?

Oh, all right, I get the message.

She's over at the sheriff's office.

She's in kind of bad shape.

She's pretty hysterical.

You couldn't find me tonight, Charlie.

I took a cab home.

Sure, sure, I get it, Mr. Archer.

Thanks a lot.

So... So she's tapering off, eh?

Hardly took a drink all evening.

Must have been a bottle in the car,

I don't know.

- Did you find Mr. Archer?

- He took a cab home, chief.

Charlie, go get the riot gun.

We're taking a ride in the desert

with Mrs. Archer.

Right.

Why the heavy artillery, chief?

There's a flying satellite...

...and a 30-foot giant

a few miles out on 66.

A 30-foot giant?

Oh, no.

Hey, look. There it is.

Mrs. Archer's car, I mean, chief.

Where did you see it, Mrs. Archer?

You can think what you like.

It was right there

in the middle of the road.

Yes, ma'am.

Come on, Charlie, let's look around.

What's up?

She off her rocker or something?

Don't look back, but as long as she's

paying most of the taxes around here...

...we play along with her.

Let's spread out here.

You see anything, chief?

Come on.

Not a thing, Mrs. Archer.

No prints of any kind either.

Why would there be? I told you

everything happened on the roadway.

I was standing right here.

It seemed to be reaching

for my diamond.

That's another thing

I've been wanting to tell you, Mrs. Archer.

That diamond you're wearing

would tempt the devil himself.

There are a lot of drifters in the desert...

...who'd commit murder

for a well-cut piece of glass.

In other words, you're suggesting

what I saw tonight was some desert tramp.

You're saying that, ma'am.

I'm only suggesting that you be

more careful with that diamond.

I didn't run all the way to town

just for a lecture, sheriff.

We'll be glad to escort you home,

Mrs. Archer.

No, thanks.

Boy, she's tearing out of here

like she was heading for the moon.

Poor, mixed-up Mrs. Archer.

I feel kind of sorry for her.

Well, I feel a lot sorrier

for her husband...

...if she catches him with that

Honey Parker he's got stashed at the hotel.

- What a doll.

- Yeah.

Well, come on, Charlie.

It's past midnight.

Town can't afford

to be paying us overtime.

Good evening, Mrs. Archer.

Is there anything I can do for you,

Mrs. Archer?

Yeah.

Beat it out of here.

Don't talk to Jess like that.

Maybe you should marry Jess

and hire me for the butler.

Hey. I said out.

You can go, Jess.

Yes, ma'am.

And as far as I'm concerned,

you can go too.

Go back to Tony's

and that woman you were mooning about.

Knock it off, will you?

Now, you pulled a boner tonight,

and you know it.

Why, leaving me stranded at Tony's

without a ride.

I wasn't in the mood for an argument

in front of all those people.

I didn't feel like sitting there

and watching you flirt...

...with that red-headed wench

you call Honey.

For heaven's sake, Nancy.

Why, I hardly nodded to the girl.

Now, you listen to me, Harry.

I won't stand for any more

of your two-timing.

You keep away from that girl

in that hotel, you hear?

Your backdoor romancing

split us up once already.

The next time

there won't be any reconciliation.

You know, you're gonna flip your lid

just one time too many with me, Nancy.

And you're gonna make

one too many passes at some other woman.

My husband.

My gigolo, that's what you are.

You're a miserable parasite.

You're just after my money.

I was rid of you once.

Why did I take you back?

Why, why?

Why did you, Nancy?

Why?

Because I love you, Harry.

Why am I always fighting with you

when I love you so?

I'm sorry.

But if you'd only show me once

that you really cared...

...I'd do anything.

What's wrong with us, Harry?

I don't know.

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