Baby's Day Out Page #3

Stay! Stay there!

Stay there!

Don't go!

Go! Now! Watch your feet.

Stay there!

OK, hang on. One, two, three - go.

I worked at Burger King three years.

This is worse than that.

Don't blame me. We'd be restin' easy

if Butterfingers here hadn't lost the kid.

I lost the kid? I lost the kid?

Oh, well, that's news to me.

- Who fell asleep reading nursery stories?

- Who left the window open?

- That was me.

- You idiots are why we don't got the kid.

As far as I'm concerned, you can drop out and

I'll keep the $5m. You don't deserve a penny.

- You'd stiff us?

- Wait a minute!

Don't get hot, Eddie. Don't get hot.

We're all just tired from gettin' torn apart.

Like I like to fall off buildings

and jump in ditches! That's the breaks.

We're dealing with a baby.

Babies are obviously

more dangerous than we thought.

It don't figure, Eddie. They're so small.

When I boxed, the guys I most feared

were those who feared nothin'.

Babies are like that -

they ain't afraid of nothin'.

Baby tracks.

Norby, hey.

The kid's in the gorilla cage.

There goes our five million bucks, huh?

I think the ape likes the kid.

- What?

- You got long arms.

Thanks.

I can't reach him, Eddie.

That's it. You got it.

Easy does it.

That's it. Slow, slow, slow. There.

Easy.

Nice monkey.

Yes.

He's startin' to cry, Eddie.

He'll make the monkey mad.

Eddie, he's gettin' up.

- I'm afraid, Eddie.

- Freeze. Just stare him down.

That's it.

Shut up!

Hey, King Kong. Hey, over here.

I'm a banana.

I'm a coconut. I'm an entire fruit salad.

Over here. Hey, look. I'm the Jungle Boy.

Over here. That's it.

Now you got it.

I got him.

I got him.

Bad monkey.

- Eddie?

- Careful, Eddie.

Eddie.

I know you don't wanna hear this, but...

the kid's gone again.

This morning all I wanted

was my baby's picture in the paper.

I got my wish.

Where's your mommy?

Hey, Eddie, maybe

he went down a rabbit hole.

We're serious about our work.

You wanna make jokes, join the circus.

Bozo.

Step on it, Eddie. Baby, starboard side.

- Starboard.

- What?

- Port.

- What is that?

- Point!

- Nine o'clock!

- Where is he?

- Over here at 6:30.

Step on it.

You're ours now, moneybags.

Did Baby Bink miss his Uncle Eddie?

- Come here.

- Get him.

- Did you get him?

- No! Come on!

Where'd he go?

He went down a rabbit hole.

- Don't let those rabbits chew your face off.

- Shut up, Veeko. Just shut up!

No problem, fellas. It ain't a hole,

it's a tunnel. And what's every tunnel got?

Don't tell me. I know, I know. It's a...

Toll booth at the end.

Are you always this stupid,

or do you do this just to annoy me?

A tunnel has two ends.

This one's here, and the other one's...

Where? Come on.

- Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

- Get him, Norby. Get him.

- Don't let him get away.

- Here he is, Eddie.

Today ain't your lucky day, eh, shorty-pants?

That wasn't so hard.

- Beautiful day, huh?

- You know anything about that vehicle?

Yes. It belongs to us.

You left the engine running.

Yes.

I did.

I've been having battery trouble.

We just stopped by to admire the beauti...

beautiful flowers.

Have you guys seen a baby around here?

The park is full of...

- babies.

- Yeah, well, there's been a kidnapping.

Well, that's a cryin' shame.

It's amazing what people will do for money.

Yeah, for five million...

If we see anything...

Excuse me.

If we see anything, we'll be sure to notify...

He's got a bad heart.

Excuse me.

The police.

Thank you.

Walk 'em to the car. My entire reproductive

system is about to go up in flames.

Is that a Fleetline van?

Eddie, is it?

- Yes!

- Yes, it is.

I thought so.

My brother drives one

for a dry-cleaning firm.

Oh, yeah, they drive a lot of those.

He's always had a lot of trouble with his.

Give me a second, I'll think of what he said

is the problem with the electrical system.

- Alternator?

- No.

- Carburetor?

- No.

- There's this little relay thing.

- Veeko!

Veeko.

I think you should move the van.

I have a frog in my throat.

And a brush fire in my undershorts.

Get 'em outta here.

It's just a bad battery. I think we should

move it before the engine dies.

Yeah, it's just the battery.

Let's get it outta here. Come on, let's...

You sure can tell summer's here.

People got those barbecues goin'.

- Smells great, doesn't it?

- Come on, let's go move the van.

I'll be right with you.

I just have a cramp in my leg.

Take it easy.

That's how you put out campfires.

Is that a fact?

Used to do it in Boy Scouts.

You toasted your marshmallows

over a pile of flaming gonads?

We usually used logs.

Follow that kid!

We'll meet you on the other side.

I'm sorry, man, but it was an emergency.

- You were blazin' pretty hard...

- Shut up!

Oh, boy, Eddie.

You got burnt clear through your skivvies.

Baby Bink! It's your mother!

Baby Bink!

I'll kill him.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

I haven't forgotten your feelings.

My feelings don't matter.

Yes, they do.

They do very much.

The love my baby's gotten

has been as much yours as mine.

Probably more.

Where's my little boy?

What's he doing?

If he were home,

he'd be going down for his nap.

I got bad news.

The kid's...

in there.

No, wait. Eddie, there's a guard.

Eddie, no. Eddie, wait. No.

- There's a guard.

- He's asleep, you moron.

Where is he? Come on,

knucklehead. Where is he, huh?

Of course.

Where else would he be?

Let's go get him.

Eddie.

Baby, 12 o'clock.

Up there.

We'll be with you in just a minute.

Lingerie, home furnishings,

men's hats, babies.

- Wait a minute. We passed him.

- Yes, moron. We'll grab him as he goes by.

Yeah, that's a good plan, Ed.

We grab him as he comes by.

You grab him.

- I grab him?

- Right.

As the girder comes up,

you jump out on it and grab the baby.

- Me? By myself?

- You just step out on it. It ain't difficult.

- Why me?

- Norby's scared of heights.

- Why don't you grab him?

- Nobody asked me!

OK, OK. That's it.

- Come on, don't miss him.

- I'll get it.

Don't miss it. He's coming.

- All right. Don't grab, OK?

- I'm not touching you. There it is. Go!

Here he comes.

How'd he do that?

Baby luck.

Eddie! Help me!

- He asked for you, Ed.

- He ain't thinkin' straight.

- Don't look down.

- What are you doin'?

- Eddie, no! I'm gonna faint!

- Didn't I tell you not to look down?

- Pull me back, please!

- I'm losing my grip.

- Pull me back, please.

- Grab him by the leg.

Grab him by the leg or I'll let you go!

Don't look down.

OK, good. You got him.

Up!

You're going the wrong way! Come up!

- Rest on my feet.

- I could use a hand here!

Hey, quit being a crybaby. Get up.

You're doin' good, but you gotta get back up.

- I'm losin' him, Eddie.

- Quit foolin' around.

Gimme a hand.

What's the matter with you?

Ed?

- Eddie?

- Get off of me.

There he is.

Come on, we'll take the stairs.

It's comin' back down. Get ready.

- Now, jump.

- I'll wait for another.

No, don't wait. Jump.

Jump!

My...

spine.

- I lived.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes