Babysitter's Black Book

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1

Please wrap your

drunken arms around me

And I'll let you call

me yours tonight

'Cause slightly broken's

just what I need

And if you give me

what I want

Then I'll give you

what you like

Please tell me

I'm your one and only

Or lie and say

at least tonight

I've got a brand

new cure for lonely

And if you give me

what I want

Then I'll give you

what you like

When you turn

off the lights

I get stars in my eyes

Is this love?

Maybe someday

So don't turn

on the lights

I'll give you

what you like

Besties for life,

guys.

I don't want to

think about it.

Emotions aren't that

hard to borrow

Woman:

Times are tough.

Many of your

families are hurting.

In today's economy,

the companies that succeed,

they provide a service

that people really need,

even if they don't

know they need it.

Ah, Ashley Gordon.

Why don't you tell us

about your class project?

Come on.

I created Family

Buddies because, well,

I needed a project

for this class,

also because I desperately

needed the money for college.

We make it possible

for parents to survive

and their kids to thrive,

babysitting, tutoring, sports.

For exhausted overwhelmed busy

parents, we provide relief.

I was getting more

babysitting, tutoring,

family assistant jobs

that even a chronic overachiever

like me could handle.

- Hey, kids.

- Hi.

Did you guys drive

Ashley crazy today?

- We tried.

- You did?

At first, I recruited

my friends,

matched them up

with the right families.

Then we got referrals

as far as 20 miles away

and we expanded.

So there are 11

of us working now,

including my three

best friends,

Janet, our adolescent

jock heartthrob.

What are you guys doing?

Follow me.

They follow her anywhere.

Gilli, our videographer,

for artsy kids, she's the best.

I love it, looks so good.

And, Rachel,

our all-around star...

There's no request

she can't fulfill.

Hey, Rachel, want to

give me a hand in here?

You've got 15 minutes.

I'll be back.

We're always booked and already

looking for new tutors.

So, if you're interested,

see me after.

See, she's responding

to a real market need.

Now your next challenge

is gonna be, how do you

grow your business?

Is there any other

services you can provide?

Think about it.

- Mm-hmm.

- Harper, you're up next.

I know it's a tough act to

follow, but you can do it.

Mr. Parks?

Oh.

I'm freaked about

my essay for UC.

Do I write about our business

and sound like a total nerd

or make up some mushy

story about my time

amongst the homeless?

Ash, you could write about

your dog and still get in.

- I don't have a dog.

- My point exactly.

I plan to write

about my triumphs.

Athletic or sexual?

Oh, well, they are

both sports,

and I play them

the same way guys do.

All out.

I'm a rookie at both.

Okay. When are you guys gonna

get in the game?

When I meet somebody

worth playing with.

Ugh.

Apparently UC accepts

over half in-state applicants

to some college.

So at least

we'll get in somewhere.

UC Merced, here I come.

I'm lucky my parents

can afford tuition.

But without Family Buddies,

I'd be wearing Salvation Army

clothing by sophomore year.

- Ew.

- Well, sell your jewels.

I'll go to community

college before I do that.

Yeah, if my parents

can't help,

I will be playing math

games with seven-year-olds

for the rest of my life.

Oh, don't look now.

Here comes your

tallest seven-year-old.

Hey, Ash.

Hey, how'd the chem test go?

I got b*tch slapped, C-minus.

- Ooh.

- Sucks.

Coach says I can't play

football without a B average.

I don't know, Daniel.

As your chem coach,

I can't make you run laps.

But maybe if you trained

a little harder on

your homework...

Ouch. I've been spanked.

All right.

We're in the fourth quarter,

and our chem team is behind.

Well, I don't have your smarts.

I'm gonna let you in

on a little secret.

I'm no smarter than you.

I just work much harder.

So when can we meet?

Oh, I need a boost

in geometry too.

Is there any way we could

get together tonight?

Um, tonight's a no-go.

I'm babysitting.

But call me.

We'll figure it out.

Yeah, yeah.

Thanks, Ash.

You're a lifesaver.

Yep.

- I'd do him.

- ( laughing )

What the heck?

Family Buddies.

Hi, Lois.

Yep. You are confirmed

for babysitting with

Mrs. Donofrio Friday night.

Thanks.

How's Family Buddies?

Crazy busy.

Good. Busy, busy.

I don--I don't know

how to say this.

I am closing my store.

Oh, no.

Mom, that's awful.

What are you gonna do?

Well, um, there's no easy

way around this, honey.

We've looked at this from

a hundred different angles.

We have to tap into

your college fund.

I know. It's awful.

I get it.

But we're gonna

pay you back.

I promise.

So... that's it, just--

just say good-bye to

Berkeley or UCLA?

No, we--we'll--we'll take out

loans, right, if we have to.

And you just might need

to consider going

to community college.

I know. I'm sorry.

We're sorry.

We're sorry.

I know.

It's awful.

I get it.

We're gonna pay you back.

But we still own our house.

I promise.

And use that--we have

to watch every penny.

You get your prerequisites

out of the way.

What-- What is the point

of me busting my butt

to get good grades?

I--I'm top of my class,

and I'm gonna end up

at community college?

I know. And we are very proud

of you for your grades.

And I'm sorry that we're

putting you through this.

But...

Ashley.

Woman:

How many cups are in a pint?

- Two.

- That's too easy

- 250.

- Hey.

Oh, we're just working

on Billy's fractions

and Cindy's metric

conversions

and filling them

with useless sugars.

Me want cookie now.

Don't do that.

What?

I got you a couple

of things.

What?

Oh, my God.

Thanks.

Aw.

Thank you.

I hate them.

They want to know how

I will benefit from

and contribute to

their vibrant community.

What do I say?

Oh, they can be intimidating,

but maybe Mark can help.

He's a trial lawyer,

and he can convince

anyone of anything.

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely.

Your college essay,

it's your story.

You just have to convince

them it's a great one, huh?

That would be--

that would be amazing.

Okay, kids.

We're outta here.

Every little girl knows

That the girl with

the most clothes is...

Damn, you look hot.

How doou afford this?

Just between us,

from Roger.

Roger?

Hold it in, ooh,

I let it go

When I pull up to

the club and...

Roger, as in Mr. Parks?

Why waste it on

high school boys?

It's just sex.

And he pays me big time.

Shut up.

You're getting paid to have

sex while you're tutoring?

When daddy wants me,

I give the kids an assignment.

It's 150 for going down

on him.

300 for sex.

So that's how you

get all the bling.

Didn't Miss Palmer

say something about

expanding our services?

I'm just taking Family

Buddies to the next level.

You want me to hook you up?

I know for a fact

Jack Wiley'd be up for it.

Really?

He's not the only dad.

Don't you tell me

I don't know.

Screwing for bucks?

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