Baked in Brooklyn Page #5

30 minutes to play, so...

- So let's get going.

- Great.

Do you want to play a set

or just hit.

- Let's play a set.

I don't need any warm up.

I was on the bike all day.

- Great, 'cause we don't have

time for you to warm up.

- You want to serve?

- Yeah, ready?

First ball in.

Oh, sorry, little rusty.

Here we go, you ready?

Oh.

Yeah, sorry.

That--yup.

- Okay, I get it.

I get it.

I'm on your sh*t list right now.

Can we please just, like, play?

- This is playing.

Here we go.

- Hilarious.

[phone chimes]

- It's like I'm high

or something.

I don't know.

- As amazing

as playing tennis with you

right now is,

I got to go on a run.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah, no, I'm really sorry,

but I did make it clear

I might have to leave early.

- I mean,

we just starting playing.

Did we--did we

not just start playing?

- Again, really sorry.

I know this sucks, but--

- Can't you just do it

after we finish?

- My customers use me

because I'm fast and reliable.

I'm the best at this.

If I start making exceptions,

my business is f***ed.

I'll make it up to you, okay?

We'll play another day.

- No, I don't think so, dude.

Like, I don't think

we can play tennis

or socialize or anything

until you get a new job.

- What do you mean, Mike?

- I mean, I'm just

over it, dude.

Every time we hang out,

I have to worry

that the DEA is gonna show up

with assault rifles

and take us to prison.

- The DEA.

- Yeah.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- I think you've been

watching too many movies.

It's hard to imagine

there's anyone lower

on the weed-dealing totem

pole than me.

I sell, like,

tiny amounts of weed.

- Yeah, and you

sell a lot of them,

like a lot

of teeny amounts of weed.

Maybe they need some.

Why don't you go ask?

You should seriously consider

how this job is affecting

your relationships.

I mean, have you even

talked to your girlfriend?

[melancholy rock music]

- I will be right back.

- To be young,

to live by the ocean

To be alone, to be no one

of the city

Disarray, endless smoke

Endless grey

Sombre, pallid sorrow

Oh, oh

Streetlamps acid

Yellow

Onwards

- Thanks.

- Want to smoke?

- I've got, like,

five other deliveries

right now, but...

- You say that every day.

Is it me?

- I just don't think

it would be a good idea

for me to come inside.

[rock music playing]

- Hi.

- What's up?

- I'm going

to the Janie tonight.

You want to come?

- The Janie, really?

Like--

like, by yourself.

- No, with my roommate.

- Aren't I your roommate?

- Yeah, no, my roommate

from school.

- Are you sure you don't want

to stay here tonight?

- Um, and do what?

- We could watching

this streaming documentary

that one of my customers

was telling me about,

about how animals masturbate.

Spoiler alert, whales masturbate

by rubbing up against rocks.

- Okay.

Can you zip me up?

Sorry.

- Yeah.

Also, though, did you know

that rats have clitorises?

- No, I did not,

but, yeah, thank you.

Okay, bye.

- Even castrated

horses masturbate.

Orangutans actually

fashion d*ldos out of tree bark.

I mean, you can't be

a part-time drug dealer.

It's a full-time gig,

and plus, I'm trying to find

inspiration for my story.

I mean, I'm still planning

on writing a novel.

I don't know,

I don't know.

It is what it is.

- Why do you chew up

your pills like that?

- Makes them work faster.

- I don't like my job either.

- Really?

It seems like it could be fun.

- Writing about commercial

real estate?

- Yeah, no, I don't know.

I mean, it seems

like it could be interesting,

big deals, big egos, et cetera.

Want to trade jobs?

- No way.

But I think they might be

hiring other writers

if you're interested.

- What, really?

Yeah, definitely.

- Do you have any

experience writing?

- I write a blog

about a music website.

Would that count?

- Email me the link,

and I'll show it to my boss.

- Awesome.

- I know what you're doing.

- What?

- What, do you think we don't

know what's going on here?

Yeah, you're here

every couple of days greasy

like you've been biking all day.

- Yeah, no, I like to bike.

- Yeah, you like to bike.

I know you like to bike.

Sometimes your eyes are red.

- Okay.

- And you look like you're

gonna sh*t your pants.

Every time you leave,

the kid from 6J,

he comes down, too,

a half hour later.

His eyes are red too,

only he's more chilled out.

- Yeah, no, look, I don't know

what you're talking about, man.

That kid's just my friend,

and I come to say

what's up to him, so...

- Yeah, okay,

what's his last name?

- I don't know it.

I mean, we just,

like, take class together.

It's not, like, I, you know,

asked him already.

I don't know

his life story, you know?

- Just relax.

Let me get some.

Yeah, give me a little smoke.

- What?

You scared the sh*t

out of me, dude.

- Sorry, I was only

f***ing with you.

- Yeah, hilarious.

How much do you need?

- Let me get a G.

- It's 20.

- Let me get another one.

- Okay.

- Thanks.

- Yeah, oh,

it's another 20, though.

- Cops and security guards,

we're like this.

[calm acoustic guitar music]

Nice doing business with you.

[phone chimes]

- What's up?

- What's up, bro?

You all right?

- Good, what's going on?

- Nothing, you ready?

- Do it outside like this?

- No, it's in here.

- Oh.

- Said you wanted

3 ounces, right?

- Yeah, please.

- Cool.

Here you go.

- Thanks.

- Is everything else good

with you, bro?

- Yeah, things are good.

How you doing?

- All right, man, you know.

Just hanging in there,

so to speak.

- Put your hands

behind your back,

and get up against the wall!

You're under arrest.

You have the right

to remain silent.

Anything you say or do

can be used--

- Ace, what's happening?

- I don't know, David.

I don't know.

- Ace, Ace, Ace.

Ace.

- If you do not have a lawyer--

- Ace, what is this, man?

- Man, he's about to faint.

[laughter]

You should see

your face right now.

It's a joke, man.

Lighten up.

Oh, come on, David,

we're just joking with you, man.

I'll see you next week.

[chuckles]

[soft piano music]

[door opens, closes]

- What happened?

- I got robbed,

but only for, like,

$20 by a doorman,

so whatever.

It's just, like,

some kind of tax

or something, I guess,

but then Ace

played a prank on me

that really wasn't funny.

- I'm really sorry, David, but,

like, you knew that stuff

like this was gonna happen.

- Okay, you're right.

- Okay.

So I talked to Mike.

- I gathered.

- This job you have

is making it impossible

to spend any time with you.

You probably spend more time

with your customers than you do

with your actual friends,

and you act weird all the time

because you are always

stoned or on pills.

And you leave places

in the middle of hanging out,

and everyone's really,

really worried about you

because you sell weed

in the most public way

possible:
on the Internet.

- Well, I don't know

what else to do.

You know, this is something

that I'm good at

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