Baker's Man Page #5

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Oh! Where's the community

service event at?

I'd love to come check it out.

Why are you ringing

the doorbell like a maniac?

Oh, what is up, buff bagwell?

You know, actually,

taking steroids

- makes your pee-pee small.

- Oh, does it?

- Oh!

- Did you feel that?

Feisty.

Hey, why have you not been

answering my calls today?

Oh, man, sorry about that.

I've been busy all day

on the phone with the board

going over evaluations.

Hmm. Actually,

I've been meaning

to talk to you about this.

I've been cooking up some really

good brownies in my basement.

Marijuana doesn't count.

Fine.

Anyways, I'm throwing a party of

all parties tonight, my friend.

- And you, my friend, need to go, so let's go.

- No, that's not gonna happen.

I'm super tired.

Been working all day.

Where you going?

Ah! Yeah, right.

I'm not wearing this.

What are you talking about?

That's perfect.

You're 32 years old.

You look 45,

- so, this will help. -First

of all, -i don't look 45.

- This looks like I'm 14. -No,

it doesn't look like you're 14.

It looks like you're awesome,

that's what it looks like.

- I'll try them on.

- Come on, let's go.

- I'll try it one time.

- Okay, let's go.

Come on! Let's go!

I'm serious.

It's gonna be fun.

Hey, how do I get

one of these...

Don't touch my trophies.

I heard that.

I heard that again.

Wow.

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Excuse me, hey.

Hi. Hey, how you doing?

Um, stop acting like a douche.

Dude, I know how to talk

to the ladies.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

Writing your number

on $100 bills,

it might work in L.A.,

but it doesn't work here.

Well, it might work here,

but I don't understand,

why is this so hard

for you right now?

Seriously.

I mean, you got Cori

all the way to the altar.

I'm sorry.

That was a low blow.

Dude, I don't even

wanna be here.

The only reason I'm out

is because you dragged me out.

I was having a good time

watching Steve Harvey

on "family feud."

Why you gotta... why you gotta

talk about "family feud"

in a club, man?

See what hap...

I wanna grab a minute with you.

Yeah.

Give me one second.

Just... don't do

anything stupid.

Ladies!

Nick, where you at, man?

I told you I'd make

you money tonight.

What did I say?

Unbelievable.

The place is packed.

- Right?

- It's wall to wall in here.

Hey, when Nick says jump,

people say "how high."

How long, how far, how fast?

I have no idea

what any of that meant,

- but it sounded good coming out.

- Doesn't matter.

Just keep it up, brother,

whatever it is you're doing.

Hey, how does she happen

to be everywhere we are?

Everyone comes to Nick's parties.

Look around!

The last time we saw each other,

we didn't exactly end

on good terms, man.

Did he come too fast?

No, man!

We had an argument

in the restaurant.

She kinda stormed out.

Okay, well, I don't want you

talking about anything

business related

or what happened yesterday

or last week or five years

ago, just have fun.

I just want you to have fun.

Well, I mean, if I'm still

up for the Grant,

it could be a major

accomplishment.

Let's go talk to her.

Oh, hello, ladies.

Hi.

Um, good to see you again,

Mr. Stevens.

- It's Cole. -No, it's

like boiling in here.

No, my middle name, it's Cole.

Oh, Thomas Cole Stevens.

Sexy.

You look amazing, by the way.

Thank you.

You look pretty good yourself.

It's a new look.

It works.

My stylist here took care of me.

Well, you know, I'm not

just a pretty face.

I... I actually

do it all.

Yes, he does.

Let's go back to my place.

Ah, actually,

I'm going home

with a lady tonight, so...

- Well, you know what?

- Hmm?

I can love you

better than she can

- Actually...

- Hmm?

Three's not a crowd

in my playbook.

You're so bad.

It's so good.

- Ooh, shall we?

- Mmm.

- Yeah.

- Ooh.

Ooh.

- Mmm.

- Hey.

I have to get to the bakery.

No.

But I'd love to see you

again tonight.

Okay.

How about dinner, my place?

- Okay.

- Okay.

Mm-mm-mm.

Alyssa, there's something

I need to tell you.

The foundation's been

looking at your finances

and, I mean, we see

you're making money,

but you're behind on your rent.

Oh, I mean, a little bit

behind, but, it's okay.

Why have you stopped giving

to the community this year?

Is this what we're gonna talk

about first thing in the morning?

I mean, is it me that you want,

or the bakery?

Ahem...

I'm sorry, but i...

I just need to know

these things though.

Well, if you wanna

talk about business,

come to the bakery.

Lock the door on your way out.

- Mmm.

- No, we had fun.

It's just... I'm not sure

if it's me that he likes

or the sex is part

of his evaluating process

- for the Grant.

- Hmmm...

Good morning.

- Hi.

- Hey, what can I get you?

- Well, can I get...

- Actually, wait a minute.

Could you just

give us a second, sir?

So, wait a minute, you guys

talked about business during sex?

It's kind of a turn-on.

What are you gonna do

with the money, huh?

What are you gonna do with it?

You're ridiculous.

So wait, how

did business come up?

I was getting ready for work

this morning half naked,

and he just asked me

out of the blue.

- That is weird.

- Right?

Well, maybe he's playing

down the middle

because technically

it is a conflict of interest

for you to be sleeping

with someone from the Grant.

There's nothing like

a little extra benefit.

But, time will tell if something

in the milk isn't white.

- What does that mean? -You know,

like when you have sex with someone.

In the morning it hurts to pee.

That's when you know

when something

in the milk isn't white.

So true.

What can I get you, sir?

Are you in our conversation?

- Uh, I want a cupcake.

- Okay. Here you go.

And next time

I'm charging you double.

- Go.

- I'm sorry.

- Bella.

- What?

Give away one more cupcake,

- it's coming out of your paycheck.

- You know what, baby,

it's all about the comeback.

You give them one, they keep

coming back for a dozen more.

You still haven't

told me how it was.

A lady never tells.

Which is why I'm waiting

for you to open your mouth.

- Girl, you're silly way...

- Hi.

Mm-hmm. Light a

cigarette, work it out.

- What can I get you?

- Work it out.

So, saw you went home

with Alyssa last night.

Don't you think that it's...

I don't know...

A little bit of a conflict

of interest?

Founder of TKS gives Grant

to the girl he's banging?

You know what, I said

that to you last night

and your response was,

"live in the moment."

Yeah, I was talking

about dancing.

How do you know I even

had sex with her?

Oh, come on, man.

Look at... ooh...

Look at the way

she was looking at you.

I mean, if you didn't,

I can totally introduce you

to some guys in the locker room.

- Just put it down here.

- Okay.

She's great, but, she's

definitely hiding something,

so, you know, you don't

not pay rent

unless something underhanded

is going on.

Yeah. Time will tell.

The decision needs to be made

in the next two days.

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