Barney's Version Page #13

BARNEY:

It wasn't like that.

O'HEARNE

You shot off the rounds before youwalked in on them screwing?

BARNEY:

No.

O'HEARNE

After.

BARNEY:

Yes.

WHITE 10-23-09 74.

O'HEARNE

So you did shoot him.

BARNEY:

Yeah, right through his f***ing heart,

Jesus Christ-

O'HEARNE

(take notes)

Now we're getting somewhere.

BARNEY:

Are you a complete idiot? Why areyou wasting your time here? Go find

him! Have you thought that he mightbe hurt somewhere?

O'HEARNE

And what about this piece of ass you'rekeeping in New York - the floristgave us her name - Miriam Grant...

Barney grabs O'Hearne -

BARNEY:

You keep her out of this-

O'Hearne drives a knee into his groin, then lays one intoBarney's face, sending him to the floor.

O'HEARNE

Two bullets shot from your gun justafter you caught your best friendbanging your wife. You threatened

to kill them both, and now he'smissing. Unless you ate him, we'llfind the body before sundown. So

tell me where the body is and I'llsay you were cooperative andremorseful, you'll get yourself asmart Jew lawyer and be out in notime. No one cares about a useless

junkie anyway.

Barney lifts himself to one knee.

BARNEY:

Go to hell.

O'Hearne kicks him in the gut once, then again, when...

IZZY grabs O'Hearne from behind and throws him off Barney.

O'HEARNE

What are you doin' here, Panofsky?

WHITE 10-23-09 75.

IZZY:

I got a call from my son.

O'HEARNE

Very sweet, but he attacked an officerof the law.

IZZY:

From where I'm standing this lookslike police brutality.

O'HEARNE

Like you're one to talk.

IZZY:

You leave your hands off him.

O'HEARNE

He's goin' down for murder.

IZZY:

Really? It seems those razor-sharpdetective skills of yours missed onetiny detail; you don't have a body.

Now you got anything else to say,

talk to his lawyer.

O'Hearne exits. Izzy kneels to look at Barney's face.

IZZY (CONT'D)

So, did you do it?

BARNEY:

Dad! Of course not.

IZZY:

Alright, alright. Let me get yousome ice.

CUT TO:

INT. TV SOUNDSTAGE - DAY

TV SCREEN IN THE GREEN ROOM

O'Hearne is on TV responding to a crowd of reporters out inthe Townships.

O'HEARNE

--For the moment no charges are beinglaid. We've searched the area for

three weeks.

(MORE)

WHITE 10-23-09 76.

O'HEARNE (CONT'D)

No body has been found yet, so thiswill remain a missing persons caseeven with the overwhelmingcircumstantial evidence implicatingMr. Panofsky. Our hands are tied.

PULL OUT from the TV and follow the RECEPTIONIST, carrying aYELLOW ENVELOPE onto the soundstage. Barney is half-asleepas the crew sets up for the next shot.

RECEPTIONIST:

Barney, the papers you were waitingfor just arrived--

Barney bolts upright, grabs the envelope, tears it open andpulls out his divorce papers. He rushes to the nearest phone,

dials, and signs the marked pages.

BARNEY:

Miriam Grant please.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE - RADIO STATION - NEW YORK - DAY

Miriam sitting at her desk. The phone rings.

MIRIAM:

Hello?

INTERCUT:

BARNEY:

Miriam, I'm divorced.

MIRIAM:

Barney-

BARNEY:

I'm going to be in New York tomorrow.

How about dinner?

MIRIAM:

No.

BARNEY:

Lunch?

MIRIAM:

No.

BARNEY:

Please, Miriam.

WHITE 10-23-09 77.

Beat.

MIRIAM:

Is the ink even dry yet?

BARNEY:

Let me check.

Miriam chuckles.

BARNEY (CONT'D)

It's only lunch. Just once. If youdecide you don't ever want to see meagain, well, that's it.

MIRIAM:

Honestly?

BARNEY:

I swear.

Long beat. Waiting... Waiting...

HARD CUT TO:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY - MORNING

Flying over Manhattan. A sunny morning in the big apple.

EXT. HOTEL - NEW YORK CITY - MORNING

Barney pulls up to the hotel in a cab and enters.

INT. BARNEY'S HOTEL SUITE - NEW YORK - MORNING

Two pair of shoes, three suits, four ties laid on the bed.

The clock reads:
10:03 AM. Barney is sitting at the desk inhis hotel suite, scribbling on hotel stationary:

"Conversations Topics: All The President's Men, Herzog,

Alphonse Daudet..." Barney drops his pen. This is idiotic.

He starts pacing. Then dials the concierge.

BARNEY:

(into phone)

I'd like a bottle of Dom Perignon,

well chilled, and a dozen long stemroses brought to my room at exactlytwo o'clock.... make that two bottles

and two dozen roses.... great.

CU - He UNLOCKS the MINI BAR. Grabs TWO Mini Scotches.

Pours them over ice.

WHITE 10-23-09 78.

He does the same again - and again - and again.

INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT - DAY

The swanky hotel restaurant is filled with the lunch crowd.

Barney's seated at a table. He's dressed to the nine's but

sweaty, clammy, drunk. He rattles the ice in his emptytumbler at a passing waiter.

INT. BATHROOM - HOTEL RESTAURANT - DAY

Barney splashes his face with water, pats himself dry. Looks

at himself in the mirror. Takes a deep breath.

INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT - DAY

From the bathroom, he walks a short corridor back into the

restaurant. Just as he turns the corner he CUTS BACK and

hides, pressing himself against the wall and spying on-

MIRIAM:

Being led to their table. She's a heart stopping vision.

Even more gorgeous than the first time he laid eyes on her.

INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT - TABLE - DAY

AT THEIR TABLE:

Barney drops into his seat across from Miriam, startling her.

BARNEY:

HI.

MIRIAM:

Hi.

Barney doesn't look so good. Sweaty, pale, nervous as hell.

BARNEY:

I'm so happy you made it.

MIRIAM:

Yes, well-BARNEY

Have you eaten? Is it hot in here?

MIRIAM:

No, and no.

BARNEY:

Great. Champagne?

(MORE)

WHITE 10-23-09 79.

BARNEY (CONT'D)

This is an occasion, we should havechampagne, don't you think?

(grabbing waiter)

A bottle of Dom Perignon.

(to Miriam)

Did you want to order now?

MIRIAM:

I haven't looked at the menu yet.

BARNEY:

Of course, take your time.

(to waiter)

Just the Champagne. And some Beluga.

The Iranian stuff, the Russian istoo salty...

(to Miriam)

It is hot in here...

Barney opens his collar. Perspiration forming on his brow.

MIRIAM:

Are you okay?

BARNEY:

I'm great. There's so much I want

to talk about... Oh, I know - haveyou read, uh, what's it called...

give me a second-

MIRIAM:

Barney, hold on. I want to be clear

on something. I hope you didn't getdivorced on my account.

BARNEY:

Of course I did.

MIRIAM:

You hardly know me.

The waiter arrives with the Champagne.

BARNEY:

Wonderful, now we can celebrate.

MIRIAM:

Celebrate what?

The room begins to tilt and sway. Barney's panicking,

desperately trying to hold it together.

WHITE 10-23-09 80.

BARNEY:

(slurring words)

Now that I'm no longer a married manwe can... we're finally heretogether... you, me...

MIRIAM:

Barney, are you alright?

BARNEY:

Excuse me.

He BOLTS toward the MEN'S ROOM.

INT. BARNEY'S HOTEL SUITE - DAY

Barney is throwing up into the toilet of his suite. Miriam

pulls the bathroom door shut.

Then, there's a KNOCKING at the front door.

VOICE (O.S.)

Room service.

CUT TO:

INT. BARNEY'S HOTEL SUITE - DAY

LATER:

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